Welcome to another chapter of the Byrds! Last time, the Byrds left Sunset Valley after causing quite a stir in the local community. Brad had put into practice the ancient tradition of smearing chicken grease on one's body and streaking. Some of the locals liked the idea and others thought it was a breach of public virtue. Cole reached her lifetime wish of becoming the Empress of Evil and has taken the reigns of the underworld in Volcano Cove. Aki grew up into a sarcastic child, Alba transitioned into a Mini Brad, and we have another Byrd on the way.
So without any further commentary from the peanut gallery (namely me), let's get started.
With her third child, Cole has once again decided to spend most of her time wearing as few clothes as possible.
Aki: I'm happy to rub your tummy, Mom, and I'm excited about having a little sister or brother, but do you think you could put some clothes on? This is kinda more of you than I wanted to see.
I've discovered an interesting side effect to Cole reaching her lifetime wish. She now exudes a scary aura, which tends to make it difficult to make friends.
Heathcliff Baker: *screams like a girl* It's Cole Byrd! And she's pregnant! A pregnant Empress of Evil! So terrifying, and yet so nice all at the same time.
He finished screaming, came back in and started conversing with Cole like everything was fine.
This is Corbin Boudreaux. I love Corbin.
Corbin: Oh, there's Cole. She's my friend. Maybe I should go talk to her? But then again, she has that scary aura around her. But wait! What if I don't go talk to her and she gets offended. Would that be more terrifying than going to talk her now?
Corbin, the fearless ghost hunter, is terrified of his friend the very pregnant Cole, who happens to be the least scary sim in existence. Ironic, eh?
Alba: I wish these people would stop freaking out. It's just my Mom. Sheesh, they are making it difficult to do my homework.
And why are you trying to do homework in the Nectary of all places?
This photo disturbs me on many levels.
Brad: Dude! You should really go get a facial as soon as you have a chance. It would really help to get that built up ectoplasm out of your pores, especially here along your jaw line.
Corbin: Thanks Brad! I appreciate the advice. Here's 500 bucks to add to your Peace and Chicken Grease campaign.
Oh good. It is all totally innocent I see.
Brad: Of course it is. And what dirty thoughts were going through your mind, sis?
Er, nothing....Let's move on.
A big blue cross. That can only mean one thing! Blue Cross, Blue Shield owns the hospital in Volcano Cove!
Brad: You've got it all wrong, sis. It is the Blue Cross of clean laundry.
Turns out we were both wrong, though I would like to point out that I was more right than Brad.
Everyone meet Akepa, the third (and hopefully final) child of the first generation. She is neurotic (like her Mom), and easily-impressed.
I will tell you that both Brad and Cole hoped for a boy. Ah well, that's the way the cookie crumbles.
Alba: You're kinda cute for a sproglet. Don't you worry little Akepa, your big brother will take good care of you.
And he does. I'm impressed a teenager shows such interest in a baby, but I'm certainly not going to discourage it.
Aki: So be sure to get plenty of pictures of my new baby sister because she is very cute. And while you are snapping pictures try to remember to take the lens cap off and move your fingers out of the way. Chop, chop devil-woman!
Garg: *My plumbob she's bossy.*
I have to laugh at this. It must be Garg's friendly trait that is keeping her from wringing Aki's neck right now. If I leave Aki unattended to talk to people as she wishes, the minuses start flying - even among her own family members. Though it is obvious that she is Brad's daughter.
As you might imagine, getting Aki on friendly terms with other sims is a chore in and of itself. Louie here seems to be one of the few folks who can take the abuse. Most likely because he chooses his topics of conversation well.
Louie: I know the teacher said the best way to make fried chicken is to soak the chicken in buttermilk before breading it up, but my Mom uses llama milk and it is ten times more tangy.
Aki: I think you will do nicely as a minion.
Seems she has also learned some things from her mother.
Speaking of minions...
Minion LowBrow: If I steal that stereo I should be able to cash it in for enough money to buy some of the deliciously evil fried chicken the Leader makes. Oh crap. Got my foot hung in the door again. I hope no one sees me.
Brad: Cole, my Blueberry Muffin, would you come in here for a moment?
Cole: Sure thing my Pumpkin Loaf! Be there in a moment!
Cole: Alright, Sugarplum, what do you...
Minion LowBrow: *gulps audibly* This is your house, Leader? Oh, I'm in deep marshmallow cream, aren't I?
Cole: You bet your Nilla wafers you are! To the Time-Out Room!
Minion LowBrow: *quivers in his boots* Not the Comfy Chair!!
Cole: Yes, the Comfy Chair! And you will sit there and watch the educational films I created on the proper etiquette of criminals until I'm sure you've learned your lesson!
Aki: Did you hear that loser scream in panic as Mom hauled him to the Time-Out Room? What a pansy. I mean really, what is so terrifying about watching educational films?
Alba: Aki, have you ever seen one of Mom's films?
Alba: Well imagine spending nine hours listening to Mom explain to you in painstaking detail that sarcasm is unbecoming of a child your age and that you need to fill that negative space with baked goods and smiles.
Aki: *shivers in fear* That..that's horrible! Still, Minion LowBrow deserves it, I'm sure.
And while Cole is off handling her minions, Brad is suffocating Akepa in his armpit. Which can only mean one thing.
It is time for a transition! Hello toddler Akepa. After looking closely, I think she might be cuter than Aki. But we all know that the child stages can be deceiving.
Generally speaking, unless I have someone specific in mind for a spouse for one of my sims, I wait and see which sim clogs up the wish panel. In Alba's case, it is this girl, Tabitha Webb.
Alba: Gimme some sugar, baby.
He really likes her, but I was concerned. The only trait we knew she had was 'Commitment Issues'.
Alba: Nothing to worry about, Garg. She just hasn't met the right man yet.
Tabitha: Oh Alba, your lips are the softest I've ever felt.
Alba: Um, how many other lips have you kissed?
Tabitha: Oh none! I misspoke! You are my first and only Alba!
Anyone besides Alba buying that?
I would have interfered a bit more, but I got distracted when Bronx Mowgli Creeper set fire to Corbin Boudreaux's front door!
Bronx: Take that you fedora wearing jerk! You running around looking like Indiana Jones makes it hard for the rest of us to get chicks!
Corbin: Yeee! My butt is on fire!
Lisette: *sniff sniff* Is something burning?
Bronx: Oh Plumbob! I came over here to do a little vandalism, not commit murder! Stand still, Corbin. I'll put you out.
Corbin: *screaming* You moron! You are making it worse!
Bronx: What the -? This foam is supposed to put out fires, not fan the flames!
Fireman Bob: Well, I'd love to help you put out the fire and all, but the front door is blocked. I'll have to go around to the back door and come through the house in order to get the front porch and put out the fire.
Bronx: Dude! Are you mental? We need help!
Bronx switched the flame accelerant foam for the flame retardant foam and finally put both the fire and Corbin out. He continues to claim that he did not misread the label on purpose.
Corbin: I am not amused.
Yeah, neither am I. I was worried.
Fireman Bob: OK, I've made my leisurely way through the back door and have reached the front of the house. I'm ready to put out the fire now. Where is it?
Fireman Hank: (who helped Bronx put out the fire) You are an idiot.
Cole: And what do we use to cook the Leader's infamously evil fried chicken?
Akepa: Cast iron!
Cole: Very good! And what do we do to minions that disobey the Leader?
Cole: Correct! But first we make sure our gloves are soft and won't do any real harm. And then we drag them off to sit in the comfy chair for some re-education.
Cole: And what have we learned from all this?
Akepa: Obey Mom!
Cole: *wipes away a tear* I'm so proud.
Brad gets his turn to indoctrinate as well.
Brad: Peace and Chicken Grease for the People, Akepa. Always remember.
Brad: And if peace fails, you mix the chicken grease with a little flour, freeze it, and then you've got ammo for your slingshot.
Brad: But you must never neglect yourself to pursue the ultimate goal of Peace and Chicken Grease. And when you've gotta go, you go in the potty. K?
Brad got the honor of housebreaking all three of his children. And most of the time, he did it in his underwear. *snigger*
But we interrupt these heart-warming family moments with a birthday. Aki's birthday.
Aki: Yeah, yeah, I'm flipping excited. Can we get this moving?
Teenager whose name is unimportant: Go Aki! You can do it! Woo!
Aki: *rolls her eyes with disdain* Alba invited you, didn't he?
Alba: Not bad sis.
Aki: You were expecting hideous? Sorry to disappoint.
Alba: No, that's not what I meant...
Aki: Whatever. Let's talk about the people you chose to put on the guest list, shall we?
Something tells me the teens are going to be a chore. And Akikiki is athletic, in case anyone was wondering.
Aki: You just wait till I get some body points, brother.
Now is as good a time as any to poke about the neighborhood. This is Sim!Candi. Those of you who played TS2 might recognize her for such memorable creations as Don, Samara, and Gage Uglacy.
In Volcano Cove, she married Gordon Boudreaux, the town gigolo. Their first child, Janna, is on the floor. From the look of things, they might all need to learn how to swim fairly quickly. The leaky faucet in the back? Yeah, take note.
Jfed (Jess) is not only the Queen Mooch of Volcano Cove, but also operates the cash register at the relics store.
Jess: Not that it does me much good. No one ever comes in here. How will score a bowl of cereal if there is no one to mooch from?
I have no doubts as to your abilities, Jess. I'm sure you will think of a way. I later got pop-ups indicating that she had proved me right.
And this is...
Aki! You broke the shower! Your name isn't Alba!
Aki: It isn't my fault the founding nudists were bad plumbers. They were probably too afraid they'd get their bits caught in the pipes.
As you will see later, she is probably correct.
Hello Sim!Garg and Sim!Geobe! I'm glad to see you've settled well into your new house. Why don't you turn around Garg and let us see little Sergio.
Geobe: You certainly may not take his picture! Your camera might steal his soul, and he's so tiny he doesn't have much to spare. Come back later.
That's your Native American heritage talking, but I will respect your wishes. For now.
And here we have the lovely Sim!Jeselyn. She is a good friend of mine and asked to be simified, but only if she could be awesome and hot, much like she is in real life. I think we've met the hot requirement.
And based on the nice looking house, I'd say she is doing well. In fact, I think she is doing better than Sim!Garg at well this point.
If anyone is interested in her, I'll put her up for download.
And we will end that tour of interesting characters in Volcano Cove with a picture that demonstrates the prettiness of the hood. So lovely.
But back to the Byrds...
Alba: No really sis. I think you turned out to be a very beautiful woman, on the outside. While it is true that your attitude needs a little work, I have confidence that one day you will be just as lovely on the inside.
Aki: Brother, if you don't shut your mouth I'm going to lunge across the table and jab this fork in your eye.
Alba: Hi there squirt. You won't threaten me with a fork when you hit the teen years, will you Akepa?
Akepa: *giggling* Grease!
Alba: Yes, and a hearty Peace and Chicken Grease to you as well.
Cole: Well Sugarlump, it appears your campaign to spread the word of Peace and chicken Grease in volcano Cove is going well. But my minions are reporting that there are some underground stirrings that the Pick Pork people could use to their advantage.
Brad: Really? Then perhaps we use some creative means to nip pork in the bud before it gets started.
Cole: Excellent idea my Cheesecake. What did you have in mind?
Brad: That's easy, my Strawberry with Cream. We steal some nuclear material from the local power plant and use it to poison everyone who attends the next Pork rally. And voila, problem solved.
Cole: Are you sure that is a good idea, Caramel Cake? It seems a bit extreme. My minions would be happy to help sow the seeds of discontent among the traitors. That way we could convert them instead of killing them.
Brad: Seeds of Discontent? Beelzebub's Handmaiden! I should have come up with that idea myself. Sometimes I'm so slow!
Cole: Aww Honeybun, you aren't slow, and even if you were I would still love you. Don't you worry about this. I will put the minions to work straightaway.
Cole: In fact, I know the person they have hired to perform at the next rally. Starla is a secret supporter of the Peace and Chicken Grease movement, and I'm sure we can get her to shake things up at the next gathering. Maybe we should ask her to write a song for us?
Brad: Excellent idea, Pound Cake!
Does anyone else think that 'Starla and The Creepers' sounds a lot like a rockabilly band?
Flat: It's just you and me Propane Tank. Who do you think is more explosive? You with your gas, or me with mine? Got no answer for me? Then tell me this. Do you feel lucky, tank?
Ahh, the joys of a gassy gnome.
Cole ends up with a lot of time on her hands. After she gets home from work, all her family is asleep, so I decided I'd have her experiment with some clubs.
Cole: Excuse me minion Barkeep, could you make me a drink?
Minion Barkeep: Certainly. What would you like?
Cole: Something strong but sweet.
Just like Cole herself, eh?
Cole: The drink was tasty, but I really came here to try out this sinus cleaning contraption.
Cole: It works better than a Neti pot!
And there you have it fellow sinus sufferers. We all need bubble machines in our houses with all due haste.
Minion Bare Butt: Boo! Letting the Empress of Evil into this establishment is indecent!
Cole: Feel that breeze, Minion? It is because your gown has become loose in the back.
Yeah, and moonin' the club is so much more decent than Cole walking through in her formal wear. The odd thing about this guy is that when he was playing the keyboard to provide musical entertainment, he was completely clothed. He changed into the medical gown to boo Cole.
Cole: And the next time we see someone in public without their bottom appropriately covered, we will drag that minion straight to the Comfy Chair!
Cole: Because if you are going to be naked in public, don't do it half-heartedly and don't forget the chicken grease.
Brad: I wouldn't mind seeing your bottom though, my Peach Pie.
As disturbing as that mental image is, I have to admit that Cole and Brad make a pretty sweet couple. They are always stealing kisses and such when I am not looking. Autonomous romance for the win!
Brad: Sis? Go away.
Oh, right. Just don't make anymore babies, OK?
I had proof of how dedicated Brad is to his wife the very next evening when he attended a party at Becky Baker's house.
Becky: Hey there, Brad. How's about we head to my kitchen and fry something up?
Brad: Absolutely not!
Brad: Don't touch me, Devil Woman. There mere thought of frying chicken with you is disgusting! There is only one woman in my kitchen!
I think his expression says it all, don't you?
Another "Devil Woman" was invited to this party as well.
DV HA! Bradley Byrd is in my contact list now. I can easily find where he lives. To celebrate, I'm going to bang on some drums.
Livia: She's not bad, but she doesn't play as well as Ragemaiden.
Well, Rage was a bit busy at the time. It came to my attention that she was not the only thing leaking at this party.
Seriously? I thought it was a little odd that so many houses we visited seemed to have plumbing issues. I was starting to suspect that Aki's conclusion about nudists being too worried about their danglies to perform proper plumbing had merit.
But I put the issue out of my mind instead focused on Alba and his choice for a partner, admiring the scenery along the way.
Tabitha: Do you think we will be able to get married shortly after we graduate?
Alba: *Breathes in deeply* Ah, she smells like freshly laundered linen.
Commitment issues my foot.
The date ended early because I fail as a Handler and sent them to a Watering Hole that didn't open for several hours. But it worked out anyway since Alba had to return home to witness Akepa's transition.
Minion Man Maid: Woohoo Akepa! Grow up hot, OK?
Aki: Minion, why aren't you working?
Alba: Did he just try and hit on my toddler-sized sister? Mom isn't going to like this at all.
Welcome to the world of childhood, Akepa. How do you feel?
Minion Man Maid: Maybe if I blow hard enough they won't notice I'm not working.
Aki: I can't let this loser outblow me on this noisemaker. I've got to blow louder!
Candi: It was horrible, Cole. I went to turn on the faucet and it exploded. A piece of the metal shrapnel hit me right here close to my eye.
Cole: That's horrible. I'm glad you didn't lose an eye.
It was when I sent Cole to this party that I realized the extent of the plumbing problem. Let's count them, shall we?
And three! The only faucet in the house that wasn't broken was the toilet that Sim!Candi is about to sit on in this picture. If I'm not careful, the entire city might flood.
Where the heck is Herb Derp when you need him?
Aki's wish panel started cluttering up with spam for this guy, Lawrence Lum. They knew him from school, so it was easy to invite him over.
He is turning out to be a jerk.
Lawrence: Well, you are pretty enough I suppose, but I know you belong to one of those Legacy families. You need to understand upfront that I do not do children. I can't stand the smelly little blighters, and I have no intention of having any of my own.
Aki: I'm cool with that. I don't want to be stuck at home taking care of wee ones either. I've got plans for my life, and...
Lawrence: Hey, is that your Dad walking by in his underwear?
Aki: Yeah, he does that all the time. In case you didn't notice from me standing here and talking to you in my PJs, we are a casual family. Does it make you uncomfortable?
Lawrence: A bit, yeah.
Aki: Dad, put some clothes on. We've got company.
Brad with clothes: I understand you want to date my daughter.
Lawrence: Yes, sir.
Brad: That's OK with me boy, but you better understand that if you hurt her in anyway, I'll knock you into orbit. Got it?
Lawrence: Of course.
Brad: Ok then lad, let's go meet your parents.
As soon as Lawrence had come over to the house, we got a party invitation from his parents. Of course we had to go.
Theodore: Who invited this cretin to the party?
Lily: Sshh, hon. I did. He threatened to beat up Lawrence if I didn't.
This is Sim!Neder who has been named the town thug. The Byrds often see him at parties, so I can only assume he has been strong-arming people into extending him invitations. That, or he has been party crashing.
The thing about Neder you should remember is that he is married to Lisette Boudreaux. He snagged himself a looker.
The family connection might explain why Corbin showed up at the party as well. I'm certainly not going to complain about that.
Corbin: *squeals like a little girl* Cole is so scary when she is grilling possible future in-laws.
And so we close this chapter with the cowardly ghost hunter extraordinaire. Will Aki end up with Lawrence or can we find someone better? Will Volcano Cove wash away beneath a raging torrent caused by multiple broken faucets? And just how much of a jerk is Lawrence? And is Tabitha as afraid of commitment as her trait would indicate?
Join me next time and find out! Until then, Happy Simming!