Welcome to another chapter of the Byrds! Before we begin, I would like to take a moment and plug a contest I am hosting. If you enjoy reading about the Byrds and have a flair for building in Sims 3, then check out the Build A Byrd House competition! The goal is to build a legacy manse worthy of the El Presidente, Bradley Byrd. There are prizes for winning entries, and the deadline for submission is August 6th.
The details of the contest can be found
here. To those who wish to take the plunge and compete, I salute you!
But back to our regularly scheduled program! Last time we discovered that Alba has questionable tastes in women, and Aki has deplorable tastes in men. Cole uses a comfy chair and educational films to punish minions that misbehave, Akepa grew up into a cute (but neurotic) child, and Brad is still preaching the message of Peace and Chicken Grease. The plumbing in Volcano Cove is subpar and it is probably only a matter of time before the whole town floods.
When we last left the Byrds, Cole was attending a party thrown by possible future in-laws Theodore and Lily Lum. Theodore got on with her so well, he followed her home.
Cole: Er, that's not quite it.
Theo: What a lovely home. I knew it was a good idea to follow the Queen of Chickens and Grease home. This is a suitable environment for me. I think I'll stay.
Cole: *banging on a mysterious device* Why won't it turn OFF!
Cole, what's going on?
Cole: R&D created this mind-control device for me, and I thought trying it out at the party would be a good idea, but now I can't get the thing to turn off!
While Cole resolves that issue, it seems like a good time to try and get a picture of my Sim!Child. So Geobe, will you let me take his picture now?
Geobe: Sure. He's bigger now so your soul-snatching device shouldn't cause him any harm.
Great! And here is little Sergio Stormcaller...I think the child is supposed to be a boy, but I find that hairstyle makes me wonder.
I'm Franken Furter, and this is SIM News. The top story this evening is the Pick Pork rally, held in opposition to the current El Presidente, Bradley Byrd. Attendees were shocked when upcoming rock star Starla sang an "Anthem to Chicken Grease" publically declaring her support for the current political regime.
Her song was so inspiring that some previous pork supporters converted to the Peace and Chicken Grease movement. They further declared their support by stripping off their clothes, flapping their arms and clucking loudly. Security was forced to intervene and bodily remove the supporters now turned protestors.
For reactions on the street regarding this rally, we turn to my partner on this show, Kiel Basa.
Thank you Franken. Not everyone is buying the idea that the Peace and Chicken Grease movement is winning supporters through the spread of ideals. When I interviewed some of the attendees there were claims of a mysterious figure in black fiddling with a nefarious looking device.
Was this a case of a popular movement gaining more support, or was some advanced form of mind-control used to sway votes? I think we know which way the conspiracy theorists will lean. If you ask me, I think Peace and Chicken Grease is simply the more stable of the two viewpoints and gains voters based on its merits. There is no hanky-panky going on.
I feel this strongly. So strongly, in fact, I have the sudden urge to strip naked, flap my wings and cluck like a chicken. Come on, people. Join me!
I think it is safe to say that Cole got her device working again.
Unfortunately, Aki's mind seems impervious to any form of mind-control. I'm really not happy with her choice of Lawrence Lum, so I decided to throw another guy at her in the hopes it would prove to be a distraction.
Aki: This idea of hers is complete and utter rubbish. You are a nice guy and all, but you just aren't the one for me.
Louie: Not to worry, Aki. I'm not really attracted to you at all either.
Aki: I know, right? How stupid is the Narrator to think she can change our minds?
Louie: She must not have her head screwed on straight, that's for sure.
Aki: No kidding! I heard that she actually thinks she can write!
*Both Louie and Aki dissolve into laughter*
OK then. *The Narrator cracks her knuckles* Just remember that you are getting exactly what you asked for.
No, Cole has not been arrested again. I think it is a testament to the usefulness of her mind-control device that the police department requested her to come train their officers in martial arts.
Cole: I don't have a problem with this. If I can help the robot police do their jobs, then that is something I take pride in. Besides, the job is much more fun when there is some decent competition.
Aki: Dad, I think it is time for another house upgrade. I'm tired of having to share a room.
Brad: I'm sorry honey, but we don't have the money saved up for another move just yet.
Aki: That is not the right answer, Dad.
Brad: *laughing* Aww Aki, you are so cute when you make your mean face.
And then Brad went outside (in his underwear) to play on the trampoline with Akepa. If you look closely, you can see Aki glaring out of the window.
Akepa: Being mean is just rubbish, Dad.
Brad: I agree with you, baby, but do your Dad a favor and watch where that plumbob goes, OK? It is pretty pointy and its near a very sensitive area.
Akepa: Sorry Dad.
Brad: No worries, dear. Just be careful where you point that thing.
It appears that Sim!GypsyKate and Sim!JulieJaz are having a night out on the town.
GypsyKate: Why did we come to Fangtasia again? You know this town doesn't have any vampires yet.
Julie: We are man hunting, silly.
GypsyKate: Uh huh. And how exactly will wearing your wedding dress attract men? I'd think it would scare them off in a hurry.
Julie: It will only scare off those guys I wouldn't want anyway. Everyone knows that wearing your wedding dress is the best way to attract Family-Oriented men. It is a clear signal that you are looking to get serious.
But I hope Cole doesn't show up here tonight. I've heard rumors that she's using mind-control to cement the Peace and Chicken Grease movement.
Gypsy: Don't be silly. Cole is our friend, and you know as well as I do that she is the sweetest sim alive. Are we going in or not?
Cole: Hi Gypsy. Didn't I see Julie here a minute ago?
Gypsy: You did. She ran out real quick when she realized it was Ladies' Night here at Fangtasia. She's man-hunting.
Cole: Oh. I completely understand. In that case, how about we go back to my place to chat. It is kinda loud in here, and the bartender keeps giving me longing glances.
Cole: Welcome to Chez Byrd, Gypsy.
Gypsy: What a lovely home you have, Cole.
Cole: Thanks. Have a seat while I go to the kitchen and make us some coffee.
Gypsy: Oh, this couch is just so...comfy.
Gypsy: What? Who turned the TV on?
...And with the discovery of the Dead Chicken Scrolls scholars can now state with some degree of certainty that early civilizations were led by a small group of poultry priests. A single priest was referred to as a Chicken Sensei, and he would keep peace in the community by performing the Chicken Rites, which included frying a chicken, smearing the grease all over one's body, and streaking.
Gypsy: Very interesting.
Gypsy stayed all night long watching educational videos while Cole went to bed.
Cole: Zzzz Pork is rubbish Zzzz.
The Byrd children follow in their parents footsteps by Making Friends and Influencing People. Sorta.
Aki: You must be joking.
Irene Funke: Oh, Albatross looks tasty.
Alba: Oh my Plumbob! She's eyeing me, isn't she? Make her go away.
While the teens deal with Irene Funke, Akepa heads over to the Baker household to do homework.
Akepa: Is there something wrong with your mother?
Topher: Don't mind her. She often stares into space. Grandpa says it has something to do with too much juice.
The Bakers are not free from the plague of poor plumbing...
But they also seem to suffer from insufficient electrical wiring as well.
Akepa: Who is that strange guy eating the Cheesy Mac?
Topher: That's my Grandpa, Heathcliff. The Narrator showed a picture of him earlier. He screamed loudly and ran away from your Mom at the Nectary.
Akepa: Oh! That's the guy. He's kind of a wuss.
Tohper: Yeah. I think he has to be since Grandma Svetlana is tough as nails. She leads the vigilante crew in Volcano Cove, you know.
Poor Tohper. His Grandma wears the pants, his Grandpa is a knock-kneed coward, and his Mom hits the juice. Anyone else wish we could do a call to the social worker?
As I mentioned in the first chapter, I really don't like the portraits one gets from the easel. So the Byrds will have photographic portraits made. And here is the first one of our founder Brad.
I think it captures his true essence, don't you?
Uh oh. Geobe is attempting to play musical instruments again, which can mean only one thing. Party!
Lawrence: Hi there! I've arriv-. Ouch!
Geobe! I know that is your arm there. Did you slam the door in Lawrence's face for me?
That's too bad, cause husbands who do nice things for their wives get rewarded.
Geobe: In that case, I confess. You did say he was jerk.
Many of you might recognize that hospital gown from the doofus who was playing the piano at the night club and then proceeded to boo Cole.
Minion Bare Butt: Dude, are you sure we have to go in there? Did you see what happened to Lawrence? It could be a house full of Angry Byrds.
Louie: You think you've got problems? I got caught up in a conversation with Aki and actually insulted the Narrator. And by the way, your..er...behind is a bit exposed.
Minion Bare Butt: Really? I was wondering why it was so breezy back there.
Come on inside, guys. We've got a party going on.
Minion Bare Butt and Louie: *gulp*
Alba: You pay attention, Garg. I am going to grow up awesome.
Akepa: You might want to blow out your candles before they catch the cake on fire and we all die a horrible death. I think the Pork followers have the VCFD on their payroll.
Brad: Looks like he definitely inherited that hair loss gene.
Irene: I think he is showing as much scalp as I am. We must have been meant to be.
Aki: Way to age up with class, bro. Sometimes you make me ashamed to be your sister.
Tabitha: I...I have to marry that?
Party attendees: We will all turn our back on you Alba while the Narrator fixes you.
And I did. With hair he proved to be quite handsome. I think he's cute enough to have a fangirl, don't you? Any readers want to volunteer for the job?
Alba: I hope there are no meat products in this cake. If there are, I'll have to throw it up later.
And his last trait is Vegetarian.
I'm not one to waste opportunities, so I aged up Tabitha, too.
Tabitha: Take a look, Alba dear. Let me know if you like what you see.
Alba: One minute my Bran Muffin. I've got to clean up my plate since the Minion Man Maid is too busy ogling your behind.
Minion Man Maid: Wow! She aged up with a very nice posterior.
Alba: The Minion Man Maid is a little creepy, but he does have a point.
Tabitha: He does?
Alba: You transitioned into one sexy sim.
Alba: Tabitha Webb, in the time I've come to know you, I've discovered that you are the butter to my toast, the jelly to my peanut butter, and the strawberries to my shortcake. One simply does not work without the other, so will you marry me and make my chocolate chip cookies whole?
I think someone has been listening to his parents too long.
Tabitha: Of course I will marry you Alba.
She said yes the first time he asked. How on earth can one of her traits be 'commitment issues'?
Aki: Heh, the creator can't even stop the coffee table from eating her leg. Not so powerful after all, is she?
Garg: Instead of being snarky, young lady, why don't you come over here and help pull me out of this?
Brad: Sis, I apologize for my middle child being such an ill-mannered smartass. I guess her Mother and I failed in some way to raise such a youngster.
Aki: Dad! Don't apologize for me!
Garg: Can I get a little help, here?
Garg: Now that I'm free of the leg-eating coffee table, let me say that I think you and Cole are A-OK. You two are doing a wonderful job. I'm not really paying any mind to Aki. She's got that hormone thing going on after all. So really, no worries.
Brad: Thanks for that, sis. And if Aki does start to bother you, do what I do.
Garg: And what's that?
Brad: Laugh at her, cause let's face it, she's funny.
Alba: Are you kidding me? I'd love to be a roadie!
Alba signs on with the music career so he can fulfill his dream of being a Hit Movie Composer. The odd thing is that as soon as he transitioned, Brad rolled the wish for him to be a doctor, and Cole rolled the wish for him to be a professional athlete.
Alba: I can't listen to my parentals all the time. Sometimes a man has to make his own decisions, and I want to pursue music.
Alba - still handsome and still looking for a fan.
Aki: Oh Lawrence, I know my parents hate your guts, but none of that matters to me. With my bad attitude and your disagreeable nature, we are simply meant to be.
Aki: As soon as we are old enough, we'll get married and then they will have to keep their mouths shut.
Lawrence: *mumbling* What have I gotten myself into?
Aki: *Tightening her arms around his neck* What was that?
Lawrence: *coughing* Nothing dear. Of course we will get married.
Aki: That's what I thought you said.
Akepa: Dad, can you show us how to do the chicken dance, again?
Brad: Sure thing, baby. You stick your arms out like this, tuck your head like this, and bend your knees slightly. Count to three, and then off you go! *runs around the room flapping his wings*.
Brady: Wow, Mr. Byrd. You really are the expert.
The kid with the buzz haircut and poor fashion sense is Brady Boudreaux, son of Lisette and Sim!Neder.
Louie: Hi there Handler. I'm being good in spite of my Evil trait! See my thought bubble? Bradley Byrd is the bomb!
Akepa: Aki is right. You really are a suck up.
Aki: Looks like the peppers in that crazy Baker chick's yard are nice and ripe. I'll just have to wander down there and help myself.
Minion Man Maid is useless and a little creepy.
Minion Man Maid: Perhaps Brad is right. Maybe I should go get a facial. My pores are looking a little large.
Akepa: Have a good night at work, Mom.
Aki: Yeah. Maybe you could do something mean to someone for once in your life.
Cole: Thank you my little sweet peas. And Aki, don't make me put you in the comfy chair when I get home.
After a night of stealing from the rich and giving to the poor, Cole headed to the poolside bar for a nightcap. There she met up with Bronx Mowgli Creeper and his pregnant wife, Sim!Lisa Gillen.
Lisa: Crazy man. Why would you bring a pregnant woman to the pool? I can't swim!
Bronx: That door looks highly flammable to me.
Lawrence: I don't want to go in there. Are you sure I have to?
As you can see Lawrence aged up before his darling Aki. Like I would let something like that disuade me.
Lawrence: Mrs. Byrd, I know you are the Matriarch of this family, the Godmother, if you will, and that nothing happens without your approval. I am also aware that you have connections, shall we say.
So, I feel it is in my best interest to be completely truthful with you. I love your daughter Aki, but neither of us want to live in the legacy house for an extended period of time.
Lawrence: I also harbor an extreme dislike of children and do not have any intention of having my own.
I know this is counter to the purpose of both the Handler and you as Matriarch of this family, but Aki and I ask for your blessing nonetheless.
I think the expression on her face says volumes, don't you?
Cole: This boy needs some extended time in the comfy chair.
Brad: Baby, your Mom told me that you plan to marry Lawrence Lum. Are you sure you want to do that? He's a clown.
Aki: Leave it alone, Dad. You just don't understand him the way I do.
Brad: Alright pumpkin, but just don't think you are locked into it. You are still a teen, and it is perfectly acceptable to change your mind.
Brad: Why can't she be more like Alba? We've never had any trouble out of him, and he takes after his old man by wearing his underwear as much as possible.
Alba: I'm going to close my eyes and pretend I didn't hear that.
Cole: Hon, she's not Alba and we shouldn't expect her to be. She's headstrong and she's made up her mind. We just need to be ready to pick up the pieces later.
Enough of this melodrama! Let's focus on more important stuff. The Byrds have saved enough money to upgrade the house. This is the vice El-Presidente Mansion...
Sorry brother, but you don't have enough money yet to move up to an El Presidente home.
Brad: *grumble grumble*
Alba: What are you complaining about, Dad. This is an excellent house.
Brad: Yeah, I suppose. Cole, my star anise, you look worried. What's wrong?
Cole: Oh, nothing...
I didn't exactly check the neighborhood when I moved them into the house. The police department is practically in their backyard.
And for the first time the Byrds can now do laundry. It didn't take long for them to discover this little ...
Hey! He's sticking his tongue out at me!
Flat: Take it from me kid. If you want to make a name for yourself in this household you are going to need a better schtick.
Fozzie: Really? How's this? Why do movie stars have lots of fans? Give up? Because their HOT! Wocka, wocka, wocka!
Flat: Good grief! The comedian's a bear!
Kudos to anyone who knows where that came from.
With a wedding imminent, I thought it was time to move Tabitha into the house. She proves to be an eccentric, charismatic slob, who is also family-oriented, but has commitment issues. That has to be the strangest combination of traits I've seen yet.
And then I got an eyeful of her LTW: Master Romancer. She wants to do the Woo and Hoo with five different sims in five different locations. So I gave her a makeover and tarted her up a bit.
Ok, maybe more than a little bit.
Tabitha: I really like my new outfits. I think they tell the world that I want to be a Mother.
Mother? Madame is more like it.
Tabitha: Aki, since we will soon be related by marriage, I want you to know that I will be honored to be your older sister. So if you ever need any romance advice, or ideas on how to heat things up with Lawrence, you just let me know.
Tabitha: Because I'm sure that my experience is considerably more vast than yours at this point, and I would be happy to share some tips.
Aki: Vast experience? Alba told me you were still a virgin.
Tabitha: Oh! Of course I am. But I read a lot of Cosmo.
Aki: Plumbob help me, I think she's serious. I wonder if Mom would get mad if I jab this pencil in her eye.
Tabitha does have at least one redeeming quality, though. She is a ghost hunter. This would be my first attempt at this profession.
Tabitha: Who're you gonna call? Me!
Her first gig was at the home of Pablo Martinez. To clearly demonstrate my lack of play time with the ghost hunter I will tell you that my first thought was to wonder why on earth the entire house was painted in that horrible yellow color. It wasn't until she caught all the spooks that I realized my blunder.
And, to share a bit of useless trivia, that is the exact same color of the bathrooms at work.
Pablo: I'm so glad she's here. Not only is she hot, but I think my retinas are about to be permanently scarred from this hideous yellow glow.
The Martinez household also suffers from bad plumbing.
Her second gig took her to the home of the Chimerees. Hello Denim!
Denim: This is a brand new house. How can it possibly have rude spirits that wake me up before the sun?
Beats me. Maybe the house is built over a hell-mouth.
There's not just one Chimeree; there is lots!
Moss: I'm telling you Poison Ivy, the ghost that jumped me in the bathroom was this big!
Seona: Rubbish. Moss is telling tall tales again. Everyone knows that ghosts are much bigger than that.
I made sure Tabitha had them all in her relationship panel before she left. Well, she didn't really leave. It was more like they decided she was being inappropriate and tossed her out. But we established contact nonetheless!
And here is the creator of the Chimerees, Sim!Mariah.
Having a bad day, Mariah?
Mariah: I don't want to talk about it.
Corbin: Holy Plumbob! Cole is really scary when she's being motherly!
This never fails to amuse me.
The reason Corbin is at the house is because we are having another round of birthdays.
Minion Man Maid: I love working at this house! There is always something going on that allows me to slack off.
Brad: Is she going to sneeze all over the cake? And if she did, would it still be edible? Cause it looks absolutely delicious.
Aki: If Minion Man Maid makes a move on my little sister, I'm going to hurt him. A lot.
Akepa: Dad? You remember that talk we had about my plumbob? Well, I think we need to have a similar discussion about your hand.
Brad: Hooray! My child aged up and... *feels around*...she didn't lose any parts!
Minion Man Maid: I knew this family was close, but I had no idea they were that close.
Oh my! She's gorgeous! Alba might have competition for gaining a fan.
Since I am a multi-tasker at heart, I can't ever throw a birthday party where only one sim ages up. So Cole bids goodbye to adulthood and says hello to elderhood.
Cole: I want to go on the record as stating that I object!
Polly: This birthday cake is delicious. I wonder what's in it.
Aki: Alba ordered it from 'Tofu Heaven'. *blows noisemaker*
Cole: Do I look hideous?
Not in the slightest.
And this little guy is Brady Boudreaux. We have plans for him.
Brady: Where's Akepa? Isn't she going to watch me transition?
Brady: Well all I can say is that if Akepa is too busy to watch, she doesn't know what she's missing.
Sim!Crystal: Holy macaroni and cheese! He is a hunk! Please let me have him!
Sorry Crystal. Not only is he too young for you, but he's spoken for already.
Crystal: Dang it!
Corbin: Hey! Cole isn't in the room to scare me! Hooray!
Ashton: He looks good from the back!
Polly: *evil laugh* As soon as the sparkles dissipate, I'm going to give him the first scare of his young life.
Geobe! What's the matter?
Geobe: Aki said that black can't be my favorite color since it isn't a color at all, but is instead the absence of color.
Aki: What kind of a man can't take criticism?
I'd watch it Aki. Geobe is a master of Sim Fu. He's tough and sensitive.
Garg: Brad, you know what would make this party truly epic? Me playing some show tunes on the keyboard.
*Geobe and Brad share a look*
Geobe: You want to tell her she's terrible?
Brad: Heck no, brother. She's your wife.
Since little Sergio showed up at the party as well, I seized the chance to change his hairstyle. He's a cute little boy, now.
Flat: *thunders out a massive barking spider* Heh, its my best one yet.
Cole: Brad! That is not the way to get your wife in the mood.
Brad: What? Oh that wasn't me. That was the gnome! Now come here and give me some sugar, baby.
And with that bit of toilet humor we will close this chapter. Will Flatulence gas the Byrds out of house and home? Will Aki come to her senses and choose someone to love other than Lawrence Lum? Will Minion Man Maid ever do any actual work around the house?
Your guess is as good as mine! I can assure you though that next chapter we will have a wedding, one way or another. Until then, Happy Simming!