Welcome to back to the Byrds, where pork is a dirty four-letter word! Last time Alba and Tabitha got married at a less than ideal wedding, Brad and Cole were demanding more grandkids, and Aki grew up into a grumpy young adult. Alba is striving to create the perfect meatless substitute for chicken (toficken), and we had the birth of the first nooboo of generation 'B'.

What's that? You want to know the results from the Build A Byrd House contest? Well, why didn't you say so? We will just take a quick detour over to Byrd Island and take a peek.

The Aviary here is the third place winner. It was built by Elissa Simfield, creator the Meet the Derps legacy and can be downloaded from the exchange. I wish I could give you a full tour of the place, but the estate agent seems to have forgotten our appointment. I can, however, refer you to the online tour. Be sure to pay special attention to the Flamingo lounge and the Duck pool.

In second place is Swallow's Rest, a magnificient home designed by kateknightuk. It is available for download here, and the virtual tour can be accessed on her blog. Special features to pay attention to are the Albatross pool and the take-your-breath-away formal dining room.

And in first place is La Hacienda Byrd, created by Skehrer (Sarah), author of the Food Legacy and staunch supporter of the Peace and Chicken Grease movement. It, too, is available for download and the virtual tour (which includes plenty of toilet shots) can be found here. While you are looking, pay special attention to the Peacock room, and the LoveBirds bedroom.

Of course, the Byrds will have to wait until they have saved up enough money to move into the El Presidente mansion, a fact which will no doubt cause Brad to pitch a fit. My response will be less than sympathetic, and probably be along the lines of "Work harder!" and a crack of the whip. Now, let's get this chapter started!

Aki? Is that an actual smile?

Aki: Maybe.

And what's got you in such a rare good mood?

As if I'd tell you!

When she wouldn't spill the beans, I followed her.

Lawrence: Your smile is so bright even the sun would have to wear shades. If I didn't know better, I'd say you were glad to see me.

Aki: And what if I am happy to see you?

Lawrence: I'd say that was a very good thing.

As they came out of the movie theater, the paparazzi was waiting.

Minion Paparazzi: Wait just a second! I heard a voice. Is that the Narrator?! I've got to get a picture of this! A picture of the Wrangler will net me a lot of money.

Hey! Wait! *flash goes off blinding me for a few mintues* That was very rude!

Aki: That's what you get for following me around.

Back at the house, Alba has just discovered that his parents comissioned Sim!Starla to write another Peace and Chicken Grease anthem.

Alba: That's not right! I'm a musician and a Byrd. The honor of composing an anthem should be mine. I'll just have to compose something that's even better than Starla could ever write.

Alba: ...and then I add in an imposing riff while angling the guitar upwards and showing everyone...

Akepa: Sorry Alba, but I'm not terribly impressed. I don't think you will win the hearts and minds of the Peace and Chicken Greasers with an Ode to Toficken.

Alba: Awww, shucks.

Tabitha: Don't you listen to Akepa, Honeypot. I think your song was wonderful. And the visuals weren't that bad either. *wink*

Brad: Son, I appreciate you making an effort to sway vegetarians to our cause, but can't you do a song about both chicken and toficken?

Akepa: *hides her head* Dear plumbob, why won't they go away?

A better question is why won't they put some flipping clothes on?

Of course, it wasn't long before Tabitha decided to show her support for her husband, and then one thing led to another, and...

Cole: You tell my Alba he better secure a beachhead on the shores of the Uterine Sea, or else I shall be disappointed.

Tabitha: Yes ma'am!

Pilot Inspektor Creeper is not happy.

Pilot: That Bronx Mowgli! May he be plagued with an army of flatulent gnomes taking residence beneath his bed!

Pilot! Those are some mighty strong words. What has Bronx done?


For some reason unknown to me, Bronx has turned into quite the firebug. I'm starting to think he might actually be crazier than Pilot!

And here we see evidence of a blossoming romance: Queenie Skipton and Eric Northman. Yeah, I downloaded an Eric because it was rather silly to have a Fangtasia without him, but as you can see from his current constitution, he's a bit of a wuss.

Eric: Queenie, my dear, you are like the budding dawn to my eternal night.

Queenie: Eric, that might be because the sun is rising, and I doubt you have many hit points left after Sim!Geobe beat you up.

Eric: You are right my Nordic goddess. I shall flee...

Cole: Come with me, BJ. Grandma has to work on creating some more educational videos for viewing in the comfy chair.

BJ: Yea! TV!

I've got a feeling that this one would be quite happy to lounge around all day in the comfy chair watching educational videos.

Fozzie, what are you doing?

Fozzie: Staring at the toilet.

I can see that. But why?

Fozzie: After seeing the sink explode, I figured it was only a matter of time before the toilet did too. And if I see it, I can write a joke about it.

Cole: AKEPA!!!

As you can see, the pranking continues unabated in the Byrd household. I doubt there is a single appliance or place to sit that has not been booby trapped by now.

Tabitha: It really sucks that EA managed to bugger the photography skill. I had a pose all planned out for my portrait and everything.

Brad: Sucking doesn't cover it. It is a total catastrophe! Not only does Garg have to make one of US take up painting, we are all cursed to receive the photographer's eye trait from now until the end of time. A Byrd! Painting! It is a total disgrace to the family name.

Tabitha: Well, at least they haven't screwed up marriage yet.

Brad: Hmpf!

Tabitha: Sorry to cut our game short, Brad. But I find I suddenly have something very important to do.

Brad: *looks hopeful*

Tabitha: Blurghhhh!

Seems like Brad has reason to be hopeful, yeah?

After puking her guts out, she still went to work.

Sim!Amanda: *shivers* Haunted teddy bears. Not something I ever want to see again. Now, if they had been zombie teddy bears, we might could have had some fun.

Tabitha: Don't worry, Amanda. I've got this covered. I'll rip them apart stitch by stitch if I have to.

Teddy bear lovers everywhere will be happy to know that it didn't come to that.

Pilot Inspektor Creeper and Jet Chimeree both came out to the Grind after work. Yeah, I know. It is scary to think of Jet Chimeree holding a scalpel or Pilot getting his hands on a tank, but anything goes in the sims.

Jet and Pilot: Tabitha is here!

Tabitha: Onion rings! Yum!

I hardly think it is front page news that a pregnant woman is out on the town satisfying a craving, but Pilot and Jet seem to be overwhelmed.

The important bit about this trip for a late night food craving is that when we were done, we saw this! The food truck! I have never before seen this in my game, and I was beginning to despair. Twallan's traffic mod works miracles!

It drove off before I could queue Tabitha up for some fast food. I'll catch it next time, though!

Akepa: *snicker giggle* Dad! Your pits smell like a pork smokehouse. Take a shower already! *snigger*

Brad: I put on deodarant this morning, but if my youngest says they smell like pig, then the odor must be downright rancid. *vigorously washes the armpits*

Brad: There. All done! I smell as good as fried chicken now. Wait a second. Something doesn't seem quite right...

Brad: Ack! The top of my head is teal! AKEPA!

Akepa: Yeah Dad?

Brad: Good one!

I think Brad is the only one in the household that gets positive moodlets from being pranked. It is just one more reason to love him.

However, while Brad was praising Akepa on a well executed prank, a fire started in the kitchen when absent-minded Cole forgot she was cooking and wandered off somewhere. This would be the very first fire for the Byrds!

Cole: Akepa! You should know better than to booby trap the stove!

Brad: Now Akepa, while putting dye in the shower is funny, starting fires is not.

Akepa: But Dad, it wasn't me!

It really wasn't! And Tabitha is the only one who guessed correctly.

As an apology, Cole asked Akepa to be the one to transition Bluejay.

Akepa: *Inhales deeply* Love that baby smell.

Brad: Hello there readers. I hope you are all paying close attention as my grandson transitions.

Aki: Psst. Dad, I don't think you are supposed to address the readers directly.

Brad: Why not?

Aki: I don't know. Something about a 4th wall.

Brad: Don't be silly, Aki. There is no wall there. It is just Real!Garg's huge face. Staring at us. All. The. Time.

*shrug* It's what I do.

Minion Maid: Ooo, a party! I've heard about these from the Minion Man Maids. I'd best cheer loudly.

Cole: I don't like this minion. I think she's defective.

Aki: Worry about it later, Mom. It's time to cheer for BJ!

Bluejay rolled the family-oriented trait.

BJ: Cake? I've finally got teeth and can eat solid food, and you are giving me cake? Screw that! Where's the chicken?

Aki: But it's tofu cake. We always eat tofu cake at transition parties.

Akepa: *stares fiercely at the cake* I LOVE tofu cake, but BJ has a point. Now I'm torn!

BJ: Maybe what we need to do is invent a chicken cake!

Cole: I'll put the minions right on it.

Akepa: Brady! Malika! I'm so glad you came to my slumber party. What do you want to do?

Brady: *shrug* I dunno. What do you want to do?

Akepa: *shrug* I dunno. Malika, what do you think?

Malika: I'm good with anything.

So I decided to try out the slumber party option. It was, perhaps, the most boring party ever.

Poor BJ wasn't invited to the teen slumber party, so he asked his Mom for a story instead.

Tabitha:...and when she finally woohooed with the fifth man who came calling, even though those men were nothing compared to her husband, she achieved her lifetime wish and lived happily ever after.

To make up for the lack of action at the party, Aki invited Lawrence over for a date.

Aki: Yeah, Gargantua says I can't move out right away. She's planning something terrible, I'm sure.

Lawrence: *looks worried* Are you sure you still want to be with me, then? She could make things difficult for us.

Aki: No sense in worrying about it right now. Just enjoy the stars with me.

Aki: The moon is so round and full and bright tonight. It looks like I could reach out and hold it my hand.

Lawrence: *pants* Round...full... and totally within reach. If I just stretch out my hand...

Aki: I appreciate your enthusiasm, Lawrence, believe me, but it probably isn't the best time for that right now.

Lawrence: Why not?

The Teens: Zzzzz

Aki: Because my Dad and my older brother are right over there.

Silly me. I thought I had to provide sleeping bags for all the kids coming to the party, so I bought some and put them out in the yard. I didn't realize the kids brought their own sleeping bags, and Brad and Alba chose to sleep in them instead of their comfy beds. I can only assume they are chaperoning.

Brad: Zzzz *fake snores* Not chaperoning, sleeping. See? Zzzz

Aki: But since you are here, let's make this official. Take this ring and agree to marry me Lawrence. Or else.

Lawrence: *clears throat nervously and sticks out his hand* Of course I'll marry you Aki. There was never any doubt. Really.

The slumber party was only a modest success, but the next day dawned and Brad was cajoled into teaching Akepa how to drive.

Brad: Akepa, baby, the objective is to avoid pedestrians, not run them over.

Akepa: Are you kidding? That guy was a Pick Porker AND he was wearing running shoes. Double points!

Cole: BJ, have you given any thought to what you might want to do when you grow up? Maybe you'd like to be an interior designer?

BJ: You mean those people on the home and garden channel? It looks interesting, but eh, I don't know.

Cole: Well how about science then?

BJ: Oh! Like those Mythbuster guys on TV? I love watching their show!

Cole: *sighs* Isn't there anything you enjoy that doesn't have to do with television?

BJ: But Grandma, you can find everything on TV!

Brad: Well I have an idea. How about you tell us all a story, BJ?

BJ: *in his best spooky voice* Come and listen to my true tale of ultimate horror!

Akepa: I'm in!

Cole:He's going to tell a story about TV, isn't he?

*shrug* I dunno.

BJ: ...and then the corporate zombies surrounded the conference table and wielding large axes chopped up the contract and canceled V...

Akepa: This story is kinda lame, but I have to give him points for throwing in the conspiracy involving a zombie infection and some sheep.

Cole: I know he's still talking about TV, but I'm finding his theories strangely compelling.

Geobe: I agree, his theories are compelling. Perhaps he should do what we did when they canceled Jericho.

Yeah, we're not bitter. At all.

Actually, Geobe is nowhere near the Byrd house. This picture is here to show that I changed his outfit a bit. He looks more like a Master of Sim Fu now. The change was an imperative because even though I turned aging off of him, he showed up as an old man after a fight with a vampire. I made a point of fixing that super quick.

BJ: My dreamhouse will look just like this, and will have space in every room for a big screen TV.

Cole: On your way to the hospital?

Tabitha: Yep.

Cole: Bring us back a good one.

Tabitha: Yes ma'am!

Aki: Alright squirt, you're Mom is busy at the hospital right now and she left me in charge. Time for bed!

BJ: Awww, Aunt Aki. Can't I stay up and see my new sibling when he gets home?

Aki: Nope. You've got school tomorrow. Go to bed.

BJ: Not...sleepy....Zzzzz.

Aki: Good night BJ.

*gasp* Could that be an actual maternal instinct coming out of Aki? Lawrence won't like this one bit. But I think I just figured out what my wedding gift to the two of them will be. *evil grin*

Tabitha: Oh my plumbob, I'm sore.

Alba was at work while this one was born, in case anyone was wondering. Allow me to introduce Buzzard. He is clumsy and eccentric, and I can't help but wonder if he will turn out like this.

It was here that I officially gave up. I kept throwing Tabitha at other men and she would get thought bubbles of Alba. The only one she ever exhibited any interest in besides her husband was Brad, and fooling around with your father-in-law is just too hinky for me. Not to mention that Aki would tear her apart, literally, and then bury the body in the backyard.

So, I gave her a slightly less tart look and changed her lifetime wish to paranormal profiteer. We will have to work on the romance wants later on down the line.

BJ: I don't understand Grandpa. You put it in flour and then put it in buttermilk? Won't the flour just wash off?

Brad: Oh my young Chicken Sensei, you have much to learn.

I personally think the new playing submarine option on the bathtub is adorable.

BJ: There be a porker one hundred clicks to starboard. Prime the torpedoes!

Alba: Tabitha, my ice cream sundae, there's been something different about you for the past few days. Did you get your hair done?

Tabitha: No baby, it isn't my hair.

Alba: New clothes, then.

Tabitha: I did get new clothes, but you don't need to worry about it dear. It just means that the Narrator finally realized that my entire heart is committed to you and only you.

Alba: Really? Then how about you come show me.

Alba: Last night was fantastic! I think I'll celebrate with some grilled cheese.

Anyone besides me miss the grilled cheese sims? Because I think Alba would have made a really good one.

Everyone remember the really bad hair Alba transitioned into? It seems that he is not the only one in the neighborhood with the bad hair gene.

Sim!Gypsykate: Holy Plumbob! Nathan, what in the name of the Creator happened to you?

Sim!Nathan Haines: Leave me alone Gypsy.

Gypsy: But Nathan! That rug on your head looks like someone took an ill-fitting toupe and shellacked it before securing it to your head with super-glue. Couldn't you at least have worn a hat?

Nathan: *looks sad* Leave me alone, Gypsy. I've already had a ton of teasing from Sim!Rage Maiden already. It's not like I can control my transition.

Gypsy: *Her laughter fills the courtyard*

Nathan: That evil woman. Just wait until she transitions!

Cole, you've seemed a bit down the past couple of days. What's wrong?

Cole: I had hoped that Aki would follow in my footsteps, continue the family tradition of a kinder, gentler criminal underground that steals from the rich and gives to the poor. Instead she goes and joins law enforcement.

I know. It must feel like a slap in the face.

Cole: It isn't that. It's just that with no successor, I'll never get to retire and do what I really love.

Which is?

Cole: Play on the water slide, of course.

It's true. She rolled the wish for Aki to be a criminal mastermind, and she spends most of her free time on the water slide. She's a fun-loving Grandmother.

Meanwhile, Akepa has been influencing Bluejay, perhaps not to the better.

BJ: Hey! That Pick Porker just tried to merge into my lane, while I was still in it!

BJ: I'm totally cutting him off at the next stoplight.

And now its time for Adventures of a Minion Maid.

Her day starts by grabbing the only stuffed toy in the house and trying to find someone to annoy with it.

Minion Maid: Hehe. Feathery.

She is soon distracted from that activity by the bar...

...where she proceeds to get plastered. I suspect she might own a membership card to the Nectarites.

And we all know there is nothing like playing with a dangerous snake after drinking ourselves silly. After this, I stopped paying attention so I don't know if she was bitten or not. We can hope.

And this concludes today's episodes of Adventures of a Useless Minion Maid.

King BJ: The Useless Minion Maid has left a dirty plate upon the royal table. This is unacceptable!

King BJ: I hereby proclaim that the Minion Maid be condemned to wallow in a pig pen for a month of Mondays so that she might gain appreciation for cleanliness!

Cole: BJ! That punishment is too harsh! You've been hanging around Aki too long. You know perfectly well that justice must be meted out with a soft and understanding touch. I'm disappointed in you.

King BJ: I'm sorry Grandma! I'll commute the sentence to a day in the comfy chair watching educational videos on cleanliness. I promise! Please forgive me!

Cole: Hmmm. A day in the comfy chair I can agree with. But to make this up to me, you have to undertake a quest.

King BJ: A quest? Name it, Grandma! I'll do anything!

cole: I'll forgive you, BJ, if you go wash the dirty dishes the Minion Maid left behind.

King BJ: I'm on it!

Alba: So Garg says that the photography skill is still broken and that she hasn't found any solution to it yet.

Brad: Yeah, that's what she tells me as well. I feel for you son. I hope she doesn't pick you as the resident portrait painter.

Alba: So Dad thinks the Narrator will have to make one of us take up painting, and as I'm the eldest, there is a good chance it will be me.

Tabitha: I wouldn't worry about it too much, Sugarlump. It is too romantic a night. Help me find a constellation.

Alba: There's one. I think it is called the Chicken's Beak. See how the stars form an outline of an oblong object?

Tabitha: *staring at something else entirely* Uh huh, Chicken's Beak. I get it. You don't think it resembles something else, though?

Alba: Don't be silly. What else could it be?

Tabitha: Oh, look! It's Gargantua's giant face staring down at us. Does she realize that from this angle we can totally look up her nose? Geez! Doesn't she ever blow?

Alba: *laughing* You are such a jokester.

Alba: But if she is watching, perhaps we should give her a show.

Minion Paparazzi: A show? Pictures of that will be worth quite a bit of money! I don't suppose you would allow me to take photographs?

Tabitha: I don't mind. How about you, Alba?

Alba: Er, I think not.

Alba: *pants* Do you think we lost him?

Tabitha: I think so.

So they had woohoo in the treehouse. In fact, the treehouse is a magnet for couples wanting to woohoo. Apparently, they are fond of splinters in the hiney. Personally, I hate to think about what sorts of things BJ finds up there when he goes to play. *shudders*

We interrupt your regularly scheduled exercise program for an important news bulletin!

Aki: What the -? Hey! Bring back my Buns of Steel!

We take you to the scene of an accident where a schoolbus filled with children plowed into the side of taxi, sending it flying partway onto another street.

No children were seriously injured in the crash, and the VCPD determined that the taxi crossed into the oncoming lane leaving the driver of the schoolbus little time to compensate. When questioned, the driver of the taxi was severely inebriated and suffering from what appeared to be a snake bite.

She reported that providing taxi service was only a part-time gig for her, stating that her regular employment was as a Minion Maid....

And with that we close this chapter of the Byrd saga. Who will be chosen as the dreaded Portrait Painter? Will the Byrds fire the Minion Maid? Is Albatross talented enough to produce an anthem dedicated to both chicken and toficken? How will Buzzard turn out? And will Aki get those buns of steel? Join me next time to find out, maybe.

Until then, Happy Simming!

Category: The Byrds