Welcome back to the Byrds, where naked is acceptable, but only if you are covered in chicken grease. Last time, Aki had her bachelorette party, twice. Glitches were starting to take over the Vice El Presidente lot, and were driving the Handler nuts. BJ was worried about aliens, and Buzz was just waiting for someone to ask him to bring home some dinner. Or catch bumblebees.
But before we move onto the Byrd saga, I want to show you proof of the fact that you can't have Sim!Brad and Sim!Amanda on the same lot and leave them unattended. These two, in addition to Sim!Amanda's hubby Sim!Grant and Sim!Geobe, accompanied my simself through each of the houses submitted for the Build A Byrd House Contest.
Sim!Grant wandered off, I turned my head for a minute, and the two of them were already flirting. *shakes her head in disbelief* Like moths to a flame.
Akepa: Buzz! What are you eating? It doesn't look like chicken to me.
Buzz: I'm sorry Aunt Akepa. There was no chicken in the fridge. This was all I had to choose from.
No chicken in the Byrd fridge? The world must be ending.
Buzz: Hey BJ, did you hear that Real!Garg found a work around for the photography problem?
I totally did, too. Using the information provided to me by Styxlady, and some experimenting, I discovered that if I delete all my cache files and start the game, I can actually use the camera again! It is only a temporary fix, though, as the glitch inevitably comes back once I save the game.
Even so, if I plan to delete the cache files anytime I'm ready to take pictures, then maybe (with lots of luck and fingers and toes crossed) I can get all the portraits I need.
Because of the flighty nature of the bug, though, I decided to use the mastercontroller and fund my photographer of the moment enough points to take the large portraits. It probably is cheating, but at this point I'm so glad I can take pictures that I just don't care. If they ever fix the glitch I can take those points away and make them earn them later.
Buzz: The Handler is real excited about the photography thing, and while I'm happy too, I don't think it is near as good as getting chicken in the fridge again.
I suppose I should be glad he's got his priorities straight.
Hey guys. Where's Honeydew?
Gonzo: He went and got himself stuck on the edge of the lot.
Fozzie: I don't know if you are interested, but there's something big going on over there.
It looks like a party of new faces to Volcano Cove! Must be a Peace and Chicken Grease convention. Let's see, there is Barley Food, and Dodge and Leroy Secksie! I even see Sim!Styxlady back there hiding behind a townie who didn't have the decency to fully render.
Styx: Ssssh. Don't blow my cover. I'm trying to be incognito.
It seems that even Lily Lum has come out to celebrate.
Lily: *evil laugh* I'm so going to punch Sim!Crystal in the kidneys.
Of course, the alternative interpretation is that she is making a really rude gesture that is not in keeping with the spirit of Peace and Chicken Grease.
Even Jared Secksie has come out on this fine day.
Jared: There ain't no way this boy should have better hair than me.
Brady: He's going to kill me, isn't he?
Tabitha: Don't be silly, Garg. This isn't a Peace and Chicken Grease rally. All these people have come out to celebrate the fact that I am awesome.
Is that right?
Yeah, I think can see just how awesome you are.
Tabitha: *trips over her own feet* Oh, I'm so sorry, Mayor. I think my heel got caught in the cobblestone.
Minion Mayor: Oh dear. Are you quite alright, Tabitha?
Tabitha: Yes, I'm fine. Just a minor sprain.
Minion Mayor: That's good. Here, why don't you take this. It is a geniune imitation replica of the key to the city that we like to hand out to our citizens who have made great contributions to the community.
Tabitha: Thank you.
Minion Mayor: You are welcome. It is just our little way of saying thanks for being such an awesome fighter of the paranormal. We could have given you a cash reward, but the city council decided to hand out these keys instead. Oh, and I've also included an ace bandage in the box so you can wrap your ankle when you get home.
Crowd: Hooray for Tabitha and Ghost Busting!
Tabitha: Hi Corbin! It's great to see you.
See? I'm not the only one fascinated with Corbin Boudreaux.
Tabitha: That was rather nice, but I wish they had given me cash instead.
Tabitha: Maybe I can do something to change that policy.
Maybe you can.
Later on that evening, I caught her making this face.
Tabitha, you were hailed as a hero today. What on earth is the matter?
Tabitha: I think Aki's wedding is going to be much nicer than mine. She probably won't hire Sim!Amanda to do the entertainment.
Thanks a lot Tabitha. Now you've gone and jinxed it.
Tabitha: Really? Awesome!
Sammi Boudreaux: So, why are we here?
Randall Stormcaller: BJ wanted to have a slumber party.
Sammi: Oh, I see. Then who's the kid with the glowy eyes?
Randall: Beats me.
Yes, the Stormcallers continue to breed. Here we have Sergio's little brother, Randall. Luckily, Randall inherited more of Geobe's genes. Isn't he cute?
Randall: Sergio warned me about you, Giant Face.
Did he? I'll have to be sure to thank him at some point.
Alba: Hey there boys. BJ, how would you like your Dad to provide some entertainment for your slumber party? I'd be happy to strip down and perform the Ode to Chicken Grease With a Tribute to Toficken Thrown In For Good Measure.
BJ: No thanks, Dad. We're going to go upstairs and tell scary stories, instead.
Alba: OK son. Let me know if you change your mind.
Tabitha: Alright kids, there is no reason to scream that loudly unless a Pick Porker is standing over you wielding a hatchet! Tone it down!
I'm pleased to report that BJ's party was a modest success.
Akepa: Morning Squirt. What were you and your friends hollering so loudly about last night?
BJ: Sammi found some pictures of an actual alien autopsy on the internet. They were really scary.
Akepa: Listen to me, BJ. I know the threat of alien abductions is very real and all, but you don't have to be terrified.
BJ: I don't? But what about all the probing?
Akepa: I promise you that they won't get to you without going through me first. So you can stop worrying, OK? We've got more important things to do.
BJ: More important? Like what?
Akepa: Aki says the Pick Porkers are planing some sort of offensive. We need to be prepared to counter attack. Are you with me?
BJ: I'm with you, Aunt Akepa. Till the bitter end!
Akepa: Good to know! But we've got to do something else entirely first.
BJ: What's that?
Akepa: Celebrate my birthday, of course.
I have to confess that I've been waiting for this one for quite a long time.
And my simself waddles in, looking atrocious as usual.
Garg: Stuff it. You try being constantly pregnant and see how much you care about what you are wearing.
Brad: Praise the Chicken Sensei! My youngest is reaching adulthood! *smacks Garg in the face*
Garg: Ow! That hurts!
BJ: Go Aunt Akepa! Grow up strong so we can kick some Pick Porker Patootie!
Minion Maid: Oh! A party! I'm not too late to cheer, am I?
Buzz: Plumbob be praised! The useless Minion Maid has arrived. The celebration is complete!
Nice sarcasm there, Buzz. I'm impressed.
Buzz: Thanks. I've been taking lessons from Aki.
Akepa is still gorgeous. She rolled frugal, and has the lifetime wish of swimming in cash.
Elderly Minion: Pfft. My boobs are still bigger than hers.
Sergio: What's wrong with you, Amanda?
Amanda: She totally stole my outfit!
Randall: She's mad about clothes? I just don't understand girls.
And for the record, Akepa's outfit is not exactly the same as Amanda's. Can I help it they both look good in purple?
Buzz: Well Garg, it looks like you and Geobe will be having a girl. Oh wait, I suppose it could be a boy. It's kinda too dark in there to tell.
Garg: Thanks for trying there, Buzz.
Minion Maid: That boy has got skillz!
Lisette: Alright, Brady. Your turn to transition.
Come on Brady. Grow into the hunk we all know you are!
Brady: I'll give it my best shot.
Brady: How's this?
Lisette: *choking on her own laughter* Oh my Waddle! He inherited his father's hair! *Gasp* He's bald!
Much better! And wowza!
Brady: Thanks for the makeover, Garg. My mother was no help at all.
Lisette: *still snickering* So...funny...
So I didn't get any more pictures of the party mainly because I was too busy trying to get people unstuck. The entire night was full of temper tantrums and waving arms and "I can't get there from here even though there is absolutely nothing in my way! Hello!".
I got so frustrated, I made an executive decision.
Brad: That's never good.
Hush. I decided on a lateral move. They didn't have enough money for the El Presidente mansion, so I moved them into this house. It is called the Noonflower and is created by Peacemaker ic. Since the house is smaller than the one they just left, after selling the furniture the Byrds are only out about 15K. They should be able to make that up pretty quick.
Tabitha: It is so nice to be living in a house where the floors haven't turned to quicksand, don't you think?
Akepa: I completely agree. I also like the fact that there is so much purple.
Akepa: Garg, you haven't forgotten what day it is, have you?
No, I haven't forgotten.
Akepa: Good. Because if you had, I'd punch you right in the giant nose.
Wouldn't you rather change?
Akepa: Good idea. Come on family! It is time to go to City Hall.
Byrds: We're coming!
This new acquisition is compliments of Brad and his lifetime reward points. The vehicle is a hideous color, and I would love to change it, but I don't seem to be able to move it out of inventory and onto a parking place. Surely it is CASTable? If anyone knows the trick, please let me know.
As we are driving to City Hall, I see Sim!Polly, the town bike, plying her trade on the street corner.
Polly: Beat it kid. You are cramping my style.
The child is, of course, her own. I have no idea who the father is.
Polly: Neither do I, to be honest. There were several instances where I knew I should have insisted on protection but didn't. I blame the men.
The most disturbing thing about Polly (besides her outfit) is the fact that her middle is no longer connected.
Polly: The magician did this to me. He assured me it was completely safe to climb into the box for his "Sawing a Woman in half" routine. He failed to mention that he was an apprentice magician and I was his first attempt.
Akepa: I did it! I finally graduated! No more homework for me!
Buzz: I don't want to do any more homework either. Mom, can I graduate today, too?
Tabitha: Sorry cupcake. You have to be a bit older before you can graduate.
Brady: I'm right here with you, Akepa! Can you believe we are finally done? Nothing could top this day.
Akepa: Nothing could top this day? Not even if I told you that I love you and give you these pretty flowers?
Brady: Well, if you went and did that, then I'd have to one up you with a kiss.
Buzz: Don't look over there, Grandma. Akepa is doing some icky kissing with Brady.
Cole: She is?
Buzz: Yeah, and its really gross.
Cole: *chuckles* I'm sure it is.
Akepa: You know that if you went and one-uped me with a curl-your-toes kiss, I'd have to do you one better and get down on one knee. Brady Boudreaux, will you do me the honors of giving me your hand in marriage? And just so you know, I'm not like Aki. It isn't a threat.
Lisette: I get the strange feeling that something important is happening somewhere near me...
Cole and Brad: Yeah, we've got the same feeling.
Brady: Of course I will marry you!
Akepa: Great! Let me just slide this ring on your finger... Hmm, seems to be a little small. I had to use Alba's finger as a guide.
Brady: It doesn't matter. We can get it sized later. But I'm afraid I can't one-up you this time. At least, not in public. You will have to settle for a hug.
Akepa: I'll take it! I love you Snickerdoodle.
Brady: I love you too, my...um...Peach Cobbler.
Cole: I think he's getting it, Cinnamon Swirl. He should fit into the family nicely.
Brad: I completely agree, Sugarlump.
Tabitha: Yeah? Minion Paparazzi? You are correct. My sister-in-law just got engaged. You better spell her name right in your paper or I'll send my Mother-in-law after you. Ah, so you DO know who my Mom-in-law is. Very good.
Brad: Buzz, my boy, you are one cute little fella. Kind of like a petit four. Come here and let me pinch your cheeks.
Buzz: Grandpa! No! The last time you cut your fingernails, the pyramids were new.
Brad: Don't be silly. I'm only 189. It's your Grandma you should worry about. She's 191, but don't tell her I told you. Now, come here.
Brad: Who's a cute little cupcake?
Buzz: *sigh* I am, Grandpa.
Brad: Darn tootin'!
BJ: I think it's awesome that you've decided to follow in Grandma's footsteps, Aunt Akepa.
Akepa: Thanks, BJ. But it wasn't really my choice. The Handler made another executive decision.
Aki: Great Hairy Pork Danglies! What was it this time?
I decided that for the good of Volcano Cove it was important to always have a Byrd in the two professions of the founders. Byrds whose lifetime wishes are not career related, or sims who have completed a profession are fair game.
And let's be honest. Cole has been grooming Akepa for this position since she was a teen.
BJ: So if you are going to follow Grandma, who will follow Grandpa?
Akepa: That would be Tabitha.
Aki: Tabitha in politics? We are so doomed.
Aki: Just remember, dear sister, that we will be on opposite sides of the fence. If I catch you, I will take you down.
Akepa: Your ten body points don't scare me. I've been working out, so bring it! Besides, I have one thing you don't have.
Aki: And that is?
Akepa: A mind control device!
Aki: Fat lot of good that will do you. It doesn't work on Byrds.
Akepa: No, but it will work on all those yahoos you work with.
Aki: Hmpf. Touche, sister, touche.
Cole: Hey there, Sugarplum. Want to go upstairs and cook something in my kitchen?
Brad: Lead the way, my Cheesecake.
Alba: Um, don't mind me. I'm just here for some Toficken cheesy mac.
Aki: ...and then the great armies of the Chicken Sensei swept across the land punishing the unbelievers. You got that, Buzz?
Buzz: I think so, Aunt Aki. But how does that relate to the legal concept of innocent until proven guilty?
Aki: Pick Porkers are guilty of standing against Peace and Chicken Grease, Buzz, as decreed by the Ancient Chicken Sensei. Therefore they have no rights and are fair game.
Buzz: I see...
Yeah, I don't think that is how it works, but Waddle forfend that I interrupt Aki's corruption of youth.
Buzz: *in a harsh whisper* BJ! What did you leave me up here with her for? Who is she?
BJ: I don't know, but she's probably in league with the bus driver.
Buzz: Then why did you leave me up here alone?
BJ: Are you saying you can't handle a single girl?
Buzz: No, but they are Pick Porkers. Aunt Aki says never go into battle without backup.
Nice to see Aki does give some good advice.
And it appears that Sim!Sabrina, creator of the Secksies, has finally decided to make an appearance. Hello!
What are you staring at?
Sabrina: I'm hungry. I figure if I stare at the grills long enough someone will get the point and cook me some food.
You could go over there and grill yourself something.
Sabrina: Nah, too much work.
Aki: You are busted, maggot. I'm writing you a citation for eating pork products in public in violation of the Chicken Only ordinance.
Gwen: No, Officer Byrd, I'm not guilty. I was dunking a chicken finger in barbeque sauce, not a pork rib! Besides, I heard that the Chicken Only ordinance was overturned by the council.
Aki: You heard wrong, louse. Pay the fine!
Minion Paparazzi: Evidence of police brutality. I'd better get a picture of this for the paper.
Aki: Hand over the camera, low life, before I have you arrested.
Minion Paparazzi: On what charge?
Aki: Taking a picture of a Byrd without consent.
Minion Paparazzi: That's not a law!
Aki: It will be as soon as I talk to my Dad!
Styxlady: I'm so sorry, Officer. I had no idea that there were actual pork products in pork skins! I promise to never eat them again.
Aki: As this is your first offense, I'll let you off with a warning this time, Styx, but I better see you at the next Peace and Chicken Grease rally.
Styxlady: I'll be there! I'll even bring my own grease!
Alba: Dad, you really need to talk to Aki. With her hardline stance, it won't be long before she hurts someone.
Brad: Hmmm, I don't see any mention of her antics in the paper.
Cole: You two are being too hard on Aki. Her intentions are as pure as a diamond; it's only her methods that could use a bit of refining. That's what happens when you keep company with unenlightened robocops and law enforcement personnel instead of the squeaky clean criminal population.
Cole: I'll just put her in the comfy chair for awhile until she remembers that followers of Peace and Chicken Grease administer justice with a soft hand. I'm positive that will work.
Brad: I'm not as picky about how she spreads the message, so long as there is no photographic evidence.
Brad: Such a scandal could be detrimental to my campaign.
Alba: I think you should make her center stage at the next rally, Dad. It's possible the weight of responsibility would help tone her down, especially if she has to speak in public.
Cole: That is an excellent idea.
Brad: Hmmm, I will consider it.
Sarah: Rob sweetie, we are going to have a baby!
Sim!Sarah, creator of the Foods, and her sim hubby. Roughly five minutes after after being dropped into the hood, they were pregnant. I suspect I've downloaded a couple that breed like rabbits.
Brad: Let's see, if I add some of this beaker into that one, I should get an anti-coagulant for pork fat!
Buzz: I think we ought to get the camera, BJ. Grandpa is messing around with the chemistry set...
Buzz: ...and I'm sure it will go horribly wrong.
Brad: Hmmm, perhaps I best leave the discovery of chemical concoctions to the younger set.
Cole: And furthermore, Akepa, don't ever underestimate the value of pleading with your boss. In our line of work, buttering up your co-workers will make things slide along a lot easier.
Akepa: Got it.
Brad: It occurs to me that both of my daughters are engaged. When do you think we will have an actual wedding around here?
Good question! Alas, the answer is a chapter in and of itself, so you will just have to wait. What are the Pick Porkers planning? And will BJ and Akepa be prepared? Will Aki throw the entire population of Volcano Cove in jail? Will Buzz manage to stay away from all of Aki's bad habits? Hopefully these questions and more will be answered next time!
Until then, Happy Simming!