Welcome back to the Byrds, where eating pork in public can get you fined by Officer Aki Byrd. Last time, we had a lateral move to a new house since the ground at the old house had become unstable. Akepa graduated and proposed to the love her life, Tabitha was recognized as a local hero, and Buzz continued to dazzle us with his cuteness.
Today's chapter begins with Sim!Neder chatting with the mother of his child, Lisette Boudreaux.
Neder: Oh Lisette, you're brilliance lights my life like the stars do at night.
I got a pop-up that said the two of them were still together and a cute couple to watch.
So I clicked over to witness a heart-warming moment and got this instead.
Lisette: Stars? Really? That's the best you could up with? I thought you were supposed to be some sort of genius, but it's obvious to me that you were at the back of the line when they were handing out smarts.
So much for that happy couple.
Buzz: Morning Aunt Aki. You look very satisfied.
Aki: I am. Last night I cited 8 people for breaking the Chicken Only ordinance, and threw 1 person in jail for being smeared in bacon fat without a permit. All in all, it was a very productive night for peace and chicken grease.
Buzz: *looks fierce* Listen up, chicken. My Mom told me to bring you home for dinner, and that's just what I aim to do. I swooped down on you so fast there was no way you could know what hit you, and now that I've got you, you'd best cooperate. It won't do you any good to jam your beak in my throat, so stop struggling.
Buzz: There we go. Now you just sit here, chicken, and eat up this delectable mash of seeds. I don't know why you were struggling so hard. Dinner at my house is always a happy affair.
Something tells me that Buzz is missing the true objective of bringing chicken home for dinner.
I decided that it would probably do them some good to go on a family outing. So, they all climbed into the chicken mobile. The same chicken mobile that I still need to recolor some semblance of yellow.
Aki: You are Sim!Sabrina, aren't you?
Sabrina: Why, yes I am.
Aki: So pleased to meet you! I've heard tale of your stubborness and general cantankerous nature and have been longing to meet you. I think you and I might be able to help one another.
And a partnership is born. Anyone else scared?
Tabitha: So I just toss the rock and then hop that number of spaces? I hope I don't break a heel.
Alba: That's right, my apple crumble. I can't believe you've never played hopscoth before.
Brad: Is she going to take her turn anytime before the aliens of the planet Borax arrive to probulate us all?
But even on a day where relaxing and fun is supposed to be the goal, Officer Aki Byrd is ever on the job. It is probably safe to say that harrassing the public IS fun in her eyes.
Jeb Secksie: I'm sorry, Officer. I didn't know my cousin with the 3 pack a day habit would put his cigarettes out in my vat of chicken grease! And I certainly didn't know that doing so would cause it to catch fire!
Aki: Tough waddle! Pay the fine or I'll toss your butt in jail.
Jeb: Jail, huh? Any chance the prison has a fishing hole?
Aki: None whatsoever.
Jeb: Ok. I'll pay the fine.
Well, at least BJ knows how to cut loose. What you laughing at up there?
Brad: *soaking wet and laughing* Oh, that's a good one BJ! Good trick to play on your old Grandpa.
BJ: Arrrr, my chicken mateys. Methinks the Handler should look over that way. Arrrr.
Nice try, BJ, but pirate you are not.
Brad: *still soaking wet* Why sure little lady. I'll be happy to push you on the swing. We will call it my way of personally welcoming you to Volcano Cove. You say your name is Sabrina?
Brad: *stares intently at Sabrina's butt* Sabrina. Yes, I think I'll remember that.
Sabrina: I'm glad, Mr. Byrd, but do you think you could let go of the swing now?
Bradley Byrd! You better not let Cole catch you eyeballing Sabrina's butt like that. The thought of what she'd do to you is too horrible to contemplate.
With the Byrds headed home from their family outing, I decided to peek on my son, Sergio. This is what I found.
LOL! He's absolutely hideous AND dating Anna Lum, who is also hideous. Hahahahahaha!
Of course, being a Mother, I couldn't leave him in that poor unfortunate state. I gave him a makeover, but I'm afraid a new hairdo and new clothes can only do so much to cover Garg's genetics. Her face does not wear well upon males.
I have no idea who the girl is behind him; nor do I know why she is gunning for my younger son. Sergio! You are supposed to protect your family from evil people such as those.
Sergio: Whatever. Talk to someone who cares.
Buzz: Did you hear Grandma and Grandpa fighting? All over some girl named Sabrina? It worries me to hear them fighting. They never fight, BJ.
BJ: Don't worry about it, Buzz. If they do argue, it never lasts for long and they always make up afterwards.
Alba: Hey! Do you two think you could make up somewhere other than the bathroom I'm in? I'm trying to practice my awards acceptance speech here!
Of course having Brad and Cole making up all over the house necessitated giving the boys the TALK.
Buzz: *looks horrified* So when we hear them making animal noises late at night, they aren't just pretending to go on a safari?
BJ: King BJ finds this to be most interesting. Perhaps I can send one of my loyal servants to investigate further.
Tabitha: By Plumbob, how did I get stuck with this job?
Meanwhile, Akepa is working hard to move up the ranks of the Organization. Though most of the time, working hard entails actually entering the building.
Akepa: I was inside earlier, but Mom sent me out to do some field work.
Akepa: Unfortunately, Aki got wind of the what was up and informed the robocop patrol.
Akepa: But that's alright. I'll just do what Mom taught me to do in these situations and accept my punishment with grace and chicken grease.
Robocop Car: Welcome Akepa Byrd. It is my honor to transport you to the police station. You know, I once had the honor of transporting your mother in a similar fashion.
Akepa: Is that right?
Robocop Car: Absolutely! I'm the envy of all the other Robocop cars on the force!
While Akepa was sitting in prision and helping the inmates knit baby booties for the premie ward of the hospital, Alba was reaching his lifetime wish. Congrats on making a Hit Movie Composer!
Alba: Thanks. I think I will commemorate this moment by composing a song entitled 'I Was Blinded When My Parents Shower WooHooed'.
Yeah. That one is sure to be a hit.
Brad: You know that I love you, don't you Sugar?
Cole: Of course I do, Snickerdoodle. And I love you, too. But the only tooshie you best be eyeballing from now on is mine. Understand?
Brad: *gulp* Of course, my Cheesecake.
Tabitha: Wow, you and Brad sure were making a lot of noise earlier. But you know, I've got woohoo experience as well. I'd be happy to give you some tips if you like.
BJ: *shoves food in his mouth and tries to ignore the conversation.
Cole: *disbelieving stare*
Tabitha: You don't need any woohoo tips, hm? Yeah, I suppose you two have been going at it a lot longer than I have, after all. At least we can be grateful that you are too old to get pregnant.
BJ: Eyes glued to the plate. Eyes glued to the plate. Grandma, please make Mom shut up.
Cole: I would if I could, BJ. Believe me.
Cole: Son, you do know that this house is just as much mine and your father's as it is yours, right?
Alba: Of course I do, Mom. What are you on about?
Cole: It's just that your father and I should be able to do what we want in our home without having to worry about a certain daughter-in-law making comments.
Alba: Mom, you and Dad aren't exactly discrete.
Cole: That is beside the point.
Alba: Really? Then how about turn about is fair play?
Cole: What are you talking about? I have never stuck my nose in your woohoo life.
Alba: Then what do you call, 'Alba, did you make a money shot in the night deposit box, perchance?' and all the other colorful euphemisms you've been shooting our way?
Alba: See? Not as much fun when you are on the receiving end.
Cole: But that's different! I just wanted grandkids! *sigh* OK, I'll lay off if she does.
Alba: Great! Oh, and Mom?
Alba: You just got pwned!
Akepa: Hey Alba. I hear you are doing the music for Aki's wedding.
Alba: Yeah. She asked me to write a new song for it. The new composition is nearly finished.
Akepa: What's it called?
Alba: Marry me or else.
The truce between Cole and Tabitha was short-lived. Really short-lived.
Cole: YOU! You have a giant booger hanging out of your nose!
Cole: But more importantly, I found you trying to go watch the stars with my husband! And that really makes me angry!
*knocks Tabitha hard in the head*
Cole: You leave my Brad alone!
Tabitha: I will! I promise! I'm so sorry Cole. Brad just has some sort of magnetism thing going on. I'll be good from now on!
Tabitha and Cole are now only a few points from declaring one another enemies. I've concluded that Tabitha must have the same 'Brad is so attractive' disease that Sim!Amanda has. Poor girl.
Buzz: I think the make-up Mom put on really helped conceal that black-eye Grandma gave her.
BJ: Yeah, but that bump on her head looks like an orange.
BJ: I'm just sad we didn't get any pictures of the fight.
Buzz: Why do you think Grandma didn't just put Mom in the comfy chair?
BJ: She tried. Several times. Grandma says Mom is just too stupid for the training to stick.
Tabitha: *wincing* Could you keep your voice down, Cupcakes? Mommy has a headache.
But enough of the drama llama, we've got birthdays to celebrate. Both Sergio and Lisette were invited to the party. Lisette, though, appears to be unhappy about being cheated on. Makes me wonder if Sim!Neder did something very bad.
Sammi Boudreax: Hey BJ. Grow up nice and handsome, for me, OK?
Garg: Birthdays again? I'd rather check out that Peace and Chicken Grease painting Akepa did.
Geobe: Cake! Where's the cake?!
So many univited people showed up at the party, the kitchen quickly filled up and BJ couldn't get to the cake. So with a few strategic modifications, BJ can grow up in the garage.
BJ: Hooray! When I'm done can I go meet the vampire over there? The wish to meet one has been in my panel for months!
Aki: Hmmm, which should I keep a close eye on? The vampire or the yummy tofu cake?
Tabitha: Hooray BJ! *grinds her heel into the vampire's foot*.
The vampire in question is Sim!Locatus, the same one that designed Volcano Cove.
BJ: Go Go Gadget Neck!
Brad: Aki, do you think he'll be stuck like that?
Brad: Oh good. His neck is back to normal proportions.
Tabitha: Hooray...Eerk! *cheers are cut off as Sim!Locatus jams his elbow into her throat*
Sergio: Yeah, I'm bored now.
BJ rolled the trait Star Quality. I gave him a makeover to accentuate his star qualities. It's OK, but I don't know that I'll keep it.
Since I had planned for Sammi to marry BJ, I went ahead and aged her up. Her angular face made me change my mind.
Tabitha: *laughing* She looks like a hawk!
Sammi: Oh yeah? Well up yours!
She is unpleasant, too.
And then, in the middle of the party, Sergio decided he was so bored with the proceedings, he was going to take a nap.
Cole: Why is there a teenager in our garage in his bathrobe, Sugarlump?
Brad: Beats me. But he's a Stormcaller and you know that whole brood is strange.
Sergio: Hey BJ, hope you don't mind if I camp out in your garage for a while.
BJ: No problem, bro. Just watch out for the gnomes.
After school the next day, BJ decided to return the favor.
Geobe: Er, hello there BJ. Sergio isn't home right now. Is there something I can do for you?
BJ: No thanks, Mr. Stormcaller. I'm just going to finish my homework and then leave a couple of surprises for Sergio in his bathroom.
Geobe: ...but that's also our bathroom...
Tabitha: Hey Aki, Alba and I thought we might expand our horizons a bit, if you know what I mean. Would you lend us your handcuffs?
Aki: Of course! It is always good to be prepared in case you need to make a citizen's arrest.
Tabitha: ...yeah, that's a good idea. But haven't you heard of the use of handcuffs in woohoo? Here, let me explain....
All is not lost for Lisette! I got a pop-up that said she had found a new love in Zucchini Food. I hope this match goes better than the previous.
Last chapter, I mentioned that we would have weddings this chapter. All I can say about that is that I tried.
I downloaded a nice community wedding chapel lot and fixed it up to my personal specifications. I made sure that Aki had an actual wedding dress and that Lawrence wasn't going to get married in a turban. I threw the wedding party and invited all the guests.
And then... the misfire. The first of many.
Aki: Lawrence! Get your buns over here so we can get hitched!
I discovered that the arch wouldn't work. I didn't get any options to click on the danged thing.
As a side note, that is Lisette in the very back peeing all over herself. Classy.
Aki: Hey Corbin. Since my loser of a fiance can't seem to make it under the arch, how about you step under with me?
Corbin: I'll pass.
What followed my discovery was a series of tests (misfires 2 - 20). It appeared that none of the sims in the hood could use the wedding arch. They could have a private wedding, but as soon as they threw a wedding party, the options to get hitched refused to show. This included both the arch and the option to click on the fiance and just get married.
Akepa: I think our inability to get married properly is the work of the Pick Porkers!
Ha! I always suspected Eaxis was full of Pick Porkers and now we have proof. I struggled with this issue for nigh on a week. I combed the forums and no one else seemed to have this problem. As a last resort, I applied the 50/50 method to my CC. Turns out it was some CC that was interfering with the wedding arch.
I wish I could tell you specifically which item it was that conflicted, but I was so frustrated that by the time I identified the group of CC it was in, I just deleted all that group instead of taking the time to go through it piece by piece.
The wedding arch worked once again! I patted myself on the back and told Real!Amanda all about how I once again outsmarted the game. (She cheered me and everything!) Tabitha got so excited, she decided to exercise for the first time ever.
Tabitha: Gotta get in shape so I look scrumptious in my formal wear.
Tabitha: Ooof! Turns out I'm not as good at this as I thought.
Yeah. Me either. Even though I had rectified the situation and the arch was working again in new games, it still refused to work in the Byrd save. By now I was angry and bound and determined to not be outwitted by an Eaxis game, so I was going to do whatever it took for Aki to have THE. PERFECT. WEDDING. FRAMMIT!
Enter Twallan's Porter mod. I packed up the Byrds, the Nichols, the Boudreauxs, the Priushorn-Fizzles (mainly because Sim!NKaty has had so many kids I didn't want her to have to do that again), the Stormcallers, Vaughn Neder, and the Lums. I got a few extra as well, namely Zucchini Food and the Kehrers.
We moved to a new Volcano Cove. I took the time to rearrange the lots the way I like them, and move in copies of everyone that did not get ported.
Cole: This house looks very familiar.
It should. It is the same design as the one you lived in the first time you moved to Volcano Cove. But don't get too attached. See, since the Byrds were doing all this moving anyway...
...and they had the money, I figured it was time to move them into El Hacienda Byrd! Welcome to the new home. You can view Sarah's tour of the place here. It includes lots of toilet shots!
And since I was in an organizing mood, I decided to change BJ's look. He just doesn't strike me as the "star" type, and I think shorts and a Peace and Chicken Grease t-shirt works much better.
BJ: I think so too.
And since I know that Sarah is watching, I thought I'd put in a couple of pics regarding the changes I've made about the manse. The first thing I did was put a small chapel in the basement for funerals. I would much rather have a gilded chicken to put on the wall, but until I find one, the cross will have to do.
Apologies for the dark photo! *makes a note to add spotlights* Anyway, this is the basic arrangement I intend to use for the urns. A picture of the heir and spouse with a picture of them together in the middle. You'll see this much more clearly when the time comes.
I've also been putting smaller pics all over the house. So happy!
In the living room here, I took out the leftmost door and moved everything over a couple of spaces. This allowed me to pull the dining room table out a couple of spaces and now all the chairs can be used.
Cole: I approve of this house. It is worthy of our station.
I completely agree!
Upstairs, Sarah gave us this wonderful picture. I think you will agree that it captures the theme very well, eh?
But I thought it needed a companion piece, so when Sarah made me this poster starring Bradley Byrd, I knew it had to have a place of prominence. Looks good, don't it?
Unfortunately, the chaos of the move might have provided an opportunity for the opposing faction...
Aki: BJ. Akepa. Where's Mom and Dad? I just got some vital information from one of my sources, and it's all bad news.
Akepa: Where do you think they are? They're busy, so just tell us and we'll fill them in later.
Aki: One advantage we've always had over the Pick Porkers is Dad. His strong leadership is what kept us organized and enabled us to take over the political system.
The Pick Porkers know this and went to find themselves a champion.
Aki: I'm afraid they've found one. My sources tell me they broke him out of the Sunset Valley Home for the Plumbob Insane and smuggled him into Volcano Cove.
He was originally institutionalized when it was discovered that he had constructed a giant tin can in his backyard and had filled it with bacon fat. He used it like a pool!
Aki: He's dangerous, devious, and determined to undermine everything we stand for. And his name is Emeril Lagasse.
Emeril: Time to kick things up a notch. *evil laugh*
What nefarious plans lay in wait for our intrepid heroes? Will Cole decide enough is enough and have a knock-down drag-out fight with Tabitha? Will we see more of Sim!Sabrina's butt? And will we finally have a wedding?
Buzz: ROWR! You best come back next chapter to find out or I'll stomp you!
Yeah. Definitely too much time spent with Aki. Until next time, Happy Simming!