Welcome back to the Byrds, where chicken isn't just a political philosophy, it is also a way of life. Last time Aki and Lawrence finally got married, moved out, and gave birth to twins. Buzz transitioned into a teenager, we witnessed the birth of Bittern and Tabitha's eternal baby bump, and Brady Boudreaux moved into the Byrd manse.

Before we begin the next riveting chapter, I would like to mention that the Download A Byrd page has been updated, and there is now a Byrd Family Tree!

We open this chapter with a birthday celebration.

Cole: Would you guys hurry up and get over here? Bittern is about to transition.

Bittern: Derp.

He's a cute little fella, but I just couldn't resist putting the mohawk on him. Bittern is an absent-minded heavy sleeper.

The family didn't really approve of my choice of hairstyle for the tyke.

Alba: Oh my Plumbob! My child has a cockscomb! That is so funny!

Akepa: No kidding, bro!

Alba: Welcome to the Byrd manse, Brady.

Akepa: *in a harsh whisper* You better be nice, Alba.

Alba: My sister tells me that you don't like children. I have to say, bro, that you will have a hard time in this household if you don't like kids.

Akepa: *chokes*

Cole: Brady? You don't like children? Perhaps you'd like some time in the comfy chair?

Brady: But Mama Cole, all the chairs in this house are comfortable. I enjoy my time sitting in them very much.

Tabitha: Oh, he's got a lot to learn.

Buzz: *sniffs* *chokes* Dude! Was that you? Did you let loose a barking spider?

BJ: Hehe.

Buzz: That's disgusting! What did you eat?

BJ: Grandpa will be so proud.

Brad: *rushes into the room* Alright! Everyone out of bed! I know what you were getting up to in here, and I've got the pictures to prove it!

Akepa: Using Mom's surveillance equipment against me? Nice one, Dad. Well played.

Brady: Uh oh.

Brad: I explained the rules, Akepa, when I agreed to let your fiancee move into the house. No hanky panky till after the ceremony.

Akepa: I know, Dad. We weren't breaking the rules.

Brad: Really.

Brady: I would never break your rules, Papa Brad. We were just having a small makeout session before we went to bed. To sleep! Only to sleep.

Brad: Alright. I'll let you off the hook this time, but just know that I am watching...

Brad is getting a little paranoid in his old age.

Brad: ...and that's why pigs are evil, Bittern. But you don't have to worry. You've got your Grandpa here to protect you.

Bittern: *looks worried* ...Piggies bad? Even Miss Piggy?

Uh oh. I sense a conflict on the horizon.

Brad: I don't know a Miss Piggy, but if she is a pig, then of course she's bad. She probably tastes bad, too. I remember in my younger unenlightened days, I used to eat pigs...

Bittern: *looks even more horrified* Eat Miss Piggy?!

Brad: I certainly did! But then I came to my senses and brushed my teeth real good to get rid of the taste.

Bittern: Brush teeth.

This kid might end up with a serious complex.

Alba: Listen to your Dad, Bittern. I know Grandpa has been filling your head with stories, but always remember that you can still celebrate the spirit of Peace and Chicken Grease and eat only veggies.

Bittern: Veggies!

As we get away from the war of the farm animals, I thought I'd take a minute to introduce you to the newest gnome of the family. No, that is not Fozzie standing there with his tongue sticking out at you. That is, in fact, Rowlf.

Honeydew: Making faces at the Handler won't get you anywhere, Rowlf.

Rowlf: I'm making faces at Fozzie. He thinks we're twins and fails to understand that he's a bear and I'm a dog.

Akepa: Morning Buzz. You don't mind if I eat breakfast with you...What's this?

Buzz: It's nothing.

Akepa: Buzz, is this your report card? Why is it all crumpled and dirty? And why is there a giant 'D' on it?

Buzz: *shrugs his shoulders* I dunno.

Akepa: Buzz, if you're having trouble in school, you can talk to me about it. Would you like me to tutor you?

Buzz: No, Aunt Akepa. That isn't it.

Akepa: Then what?

Buzz: *sighs* I like to go to school, but if I am a couple of minutes late getting to the bus, Grandma runs to scold me and then I'm really late, and then the teachers take it out of my grades.

Stupid Eaxis programming on the automatic scolding!

Akepa: I'll talk to Mom. I'm sure we can get it sorted. OK?

Buzz: Ok. Just don't tell BJ that I said I liked school, OK?

Akepa: Deal.

While Akepa and Buzz get his grades sorted out, I got a pop up about Sim!Garg and panned over to see what was up. Um...yeah.

Garg: Are you an absolute moron? Do you not know who my husband is? As soon as he sees what you've done to me, he will hunt you down.

Eric Northman: I've had run-ins with Geobe before. He hasn't gotten the best of me, yet, so I thought I'd give him a little payback.

LOL! Not gotten the best of him? Geobe might not have destroyed the vamp in him yet, but he roughs him up every chance he gets. when I see Eric around town, he looks exactly like this.

On another note, Geobe drove a stake into Garg as soon as she got home, and no, that is not a euphemism, so pull your mind out of the gutter. I am happy to report that she is no longer vampy. Whether or not her stomach got fixed, though, I couldn't tell you.

BJ: I've looked over the surveillance photos Aki sent over of Lagasse. He seems to be too busy turning random people into vampires and bedding Sim!Julie to plan the downfall of Peace and Chicken Grease.

Buzz: All the same, he's still a Porker. I think we should take Aki's advice and find a way to deep six this guy before things get out of hand.

BJ: I love you, bro, but I really think you've been spending too much time with Aki.

BJ: Murder? He's only made one request of us, and killing him does not seem to be in keeping with the spirit of Peace and Chicken Grease.

BJ: We Byrds are honorable people. We would never do anything so underhanded.

Akepa: Hi boys. What's going on?

Buzz: We are discussing what to do with Lagasse. Well, BJ, if we aren't going to off him then the only choice left to us is to accept his challenge of a Gnubb match to decide the fate of Volcano Cove.

Buzz: I've heard that Gnubbing can be an extremely competitive and physical sport. We'd best go to the spa and get massages before the match.

Akepa: Oh my Wattle, my nephews are pansies.

Buzz: Shut up, Akepa! If we go into this match all tense and stuff, we might pull something.

BJ: And I'm sure that Heather having a job at the spa has nothing to do with you wanting to get a massage, hmmm?

Buzz: You can shut up, too!

Akepa: Listen boys, don't you think the first thing you should do is learn how to play the game?

BJ: Excellent point, Auntie. We'll start learning right away.

Cole: *who had been eavesdropping* Challenge the Byrds? That Porker will rue the day he ever crossed me.

Buzz: Hi Mom. I was talking to BJ, and we both agree that we need to be prepared if we have to make a fast getaway. Would you mind teaching me how to drive?

Tabitha: Of course I don't mind, Sweetcake. Let's go.

Tabitha: Can you see over the steering wheel alright, Snickerdoodle? If not, I'm sure we can find a phone book for you to sit on.

Buzz: I'm fine, Mom.

Tabitha: Alright Sugar. Let's take a right after we cross the bridge.

Tabitha: Um, Buzz sweetheart, I don't want to alarm you, but when I said take a right off the bridge I meant for you to turn onto the road.

Tabitha: BUZZ! WATCH OUT FOR THE TREE!!

*CRASH*

Buzz: *pant pant*

Was Tabitha hurt in the wreck, Buzz? Are you running to get help?

Buzz: No. If I had needed an ambulance I would have called on my cell phone. No, I'm running because I have a very angry pregnant woman chasing me down.

Tabitha: BUZZ! GET BACK HERE SO I CAN THROTTLE YOU PROPERLY!!

Buzz: Must... run... faster.

And while Buzz was learning how to wreck cars, BJ arranged to meet Janna at the park.

BJ: Hi Janna. I'm so glad you could come on a date with me.

Janna: Oh, I wouldn't have missed it for the world. Really. But I'm afraid I've got bad news.

BJ: Bad news?

Janna: Don't hate me, but the only way I could get Mom to allow me to come was if...

Janna: ...she came too.

Sim!Candi: No way am I going to let my daughter hang out with a Byrd without adult supervision.

BJ: *whispers* Is she going to hurt me if I try to kiss you?

Janna: *whispers back* Probably.

Bittern: Miss Piggy ....not bad?

Miss Piggy: Give me the adoration I deserve and I'll be your best friend for life. Mess with me and I'll give you a HIYAH!

Bittern: Miss Piggy bad?

Poor Bittern. He's very confused. So was the Handler as will come out next chapter.

Sim!Amanda: Seriously? Don't you have anything else to do with your time, Eric?

Eric Northman: Not really, no.

Amanda: You know Geobe will kick your butt for this...again.

Eric: Oh I hope so. *cough* Er, I mean, bring it on!

It appears Eric has a thing for getting beat up by Geobe. Perhaps it is better not to ask.

Amanda: ...and when he's done with you, I'll start in as payback for having to have a stake rammed into my chest. And when I'm done with you, I'll phone Garg...

I think he stopped listening once you promised him some time with Geobe.

Brad: *gasps in surprise* What is going on?

What do you mean?

Brad: My lawn is filled with teenagers!

Both Buzz and BJ had wishes to hold a sleepover. BJ had his first, but the pictures were too dark to share, I'm afraid. This is Buzz's party, and as you can see, he invited Sergio Stormcaller.

Sergio: *wolf whistle* That Sammi Boudreaux is one fine looking woman.

Buzz: I don't know, Heather. I sometimes think Sergio came from another planet.

Sammi and some other teen whose name I can't remember made beelines for the brand new Gnubb set. I got tired of seeing the wish pop up in everyone's panel, and this will allow them to practice before heading into the big match.

Alba and Brady decided to provide an impromptu concert for the teens.

Brady: It is such an honor to rock out with you, Alba.

Alba: Thank you. You aren't so bad yourself.

Brady: We could form a band together, do some touring. What do you say?

Alba: Sorry dude. You aren't that good.

Of course, most of the teens paid no mind to the free music. Most of them headed indoors to raid the fridge, while the rest went to play Gnubb. And it was at that moment that Buzz decided he wanted to tell a ghost story.

Buzz: ...and slowly a skeletal hand appeared around the door, and an otherworldy voice began chanting...Pick Pork...Pick Pork....

His story was so terrifying that Heather was the only one who remained until the very end.

Heather: Pick Porkers are frightening. Please tell me the Ancient Chicken Sensei arrived to save the day.

Heather: Buzz, that story was absolutely terrifying! Where did you get the inspiration for such a creative tale?

For anyone with sharp eyes, that is Sergio photobombing the picture and doing his homework at what is supposed to be a fun party.

Buzz: I have to confess, SugarLump, that it isn't entirely fiction. Our family has been in a constant battle with the forces of Pork for generations. And now it is up to me and my brother to deal with the latest threat.

Heather: I know you can succeed, Buzz. You will kick those porkie behinds back to the slaughterhouse where they belong.

Buzz: I'm glad you support us, but if you would like to help I know of one thing you could do.

Heather: Name it.

Buzz: Give me a kiss for courage?

Heather: I thought you'd never ask.

Sergio: This party blows. I'm out of here.

Brady: This from the guy who spent all his time doing his homework?

I know. Geobe and I have failed in our raising our first born, cause he's terrible. But, for the record, homework wasn't the only thing he did.

He spent the rest of his time making drinks that no one wanted and that no one drank.

Tabitha: I think your phone is ringing, Akepa. Shouldn't you answer?

Akepa: Nope. I've got to keep a close eye out to be sure all of Buzz's friends actually leave. I wouldn't put it past him to try and smuggle Heather into his bedroom.

Tabitha: I think you're right. I'm much too young to be a Grandmother.

Akepa: Speaking of babies, when are you going to give birth to the twin that is not a twin?

Tabitha: I'm expecting the nooboo to arrive any day now.

I then got a popup about Amanda and panned over to find her playing air hockey in her formal wear. And, she's no longer a vampire.

Amanda: I have to hand it to Geobe. He's gotten the whole "drive a stake into someone's heart" thing down to a science. It hurt like the dickens, but he only needed one strike.

And then I noticed there were other visitors to the VC Family center. Hello Gordon Boudreaux.

Gordon: Yeah, I hear you are planning to marry my precious daughter into the legacy family.

Um, maybe.

Gordon: Well, just between you and me, I approve. But don't let my wife know.

Sim!Lisa: Oh Plumbob. I'm standing next to Geobe, the vampire hunter, aren't I?

Yep.

Lisa: I'm doomed.

Peter Priushorn-Fizzle: Excellent! I get to witness a vampire execution. I wonder if there will be lots of blood.

Geobe: *looking serious* Do you want to do this in here or in the alley out back? I promise to make it quick.

Zucchini Food: Violence! I don't know if I can stand to watch this.

Sim!Elissa: I was just coming out to get some dinner, and now I get a free show to go with it? This place rocks! You need to toughen up some, Zucchini.

Public broadcasting censors would not allow me to post a picture of the actual staking. So instead, enjoy this photo of Dionysis Chimeree playing the drums...badly.

Gordon: You might want to invest in some lessons, dude. Seriously.

Tabitha: Derp. I think I feel the force moving within me.

Tabitha: Oh wait, that's not the force. That's just the nooboo. ALBA!

Cole: Don't give birth on my clean floor, you useless woman!

Alba: I'm here Cinnamon Swirl. What do I need to do?

Buzz: Oh my wattle! Mom is giving birth in her underwear! Woah! I did not need to see that!

Alba rushed his wife to the hospital, where she gave birth to their first and only girl, Budgie. She is good and grumpy. Should be an interesting mix.

Budgie was also the recipient of a mysterious doll from a long lost relative I've never heard of. We named him Kermit.

Kermit: It's not easy being green.

And it appears that my experiment was a failure. Having another baby did not make her revert to the non-pregnant state after birth. Sorry Tabitha. You are stuck. I'm done trying to fix you.

Tabitha: Stuck? Always fat? No! You can't leave me like this.

Can too. If you want to be fixed, do it yourself.

Brady: Hey Dad. I'm glad you could come and visit.

Sim!Neder: Hello there son. What in tarnation is this thing on your lawn?

Brady: Sshhh, not so loud, Dad. It's a Gnubb set. From what I understand it is an important component of a super secret undercover Byrd mission.

Neder: Is that right? Top secret, you say?

Brady: Ultra top secret. Eyes only stuff.

Neder: I understand. I promise you son, the Porkers will never get the information from me, even under torture.

Brad: Glad to hear it, Neder. How about you learn how to play with me?

Neder: Sure. So I just stand here like this?

Brady: Good job, Dad. Now take the stick and try to knock over our bunnies. Dad? Dad, you need to pick up the stick.

Neder: I hear you son, but I don't think I can.

Brady: Noooo! Dad!

Brad: Not my bestest friend, Neder!

Grimm: *spits out sand* Who decided to die in a giant sandbox?

Brady: My poor Dad! *sniffle* Papa Brad, do you have a tissue? My nose is really running.

Brad: 'Fraid not, son. Use your shirt. We can wash it later.

Grim: I'm going to have to have my robe dry cleaned now. Do any of you realize how much dry cleaning in the underworld costs?

Grim: Oh well. Let's get on with it. *clears throat* VAUGHN NEDER, I AM HERE....

Neder: Yeah, yeah. I can hear you already. No need to shout. Seems to me you need some military discipline in this operation, son.

Grim: Son? SON? I am as old as time itself, and you are trying to tell me how to do my job? Get into your grave.

Brady: *blubbers*

Grim: Hey there Brad. I'm a big fan of the Peace and Chicken Grease movement. We can certainly use it in the underworld, let me tell you.

Brad: You...you've heard of me?

Grim: Of course I have. We hear about everything going on topside. But you will see for yourself soon enough.

Brad: Eh, what? You mean you...

Grim: Will be coming for you soon? Of course. No one lives forever...well, except for me and the four folks the Handler made immortal, but I'm determined to find a way to get them, too.

Brad: But you can't take me soon. See? I've got all these kids and grandchildren who still need me.

Grim: Take my advice, Brad, and pass along all of your knowledge sooner rather than later.

Minion Barkeep: Eric, take the advice of a bartender. Seek out a shower dude. And soon. He's not going to take pity on you just because you look like you've been electrocuted by a bear. Getting beat up by Geobe is not a badge of honor, its just a disgrace.

And on that note, we will end this chapter of As The Byrd Turns. Will Eric learn his lesson? Better yet, will he take a shower? How cute will Budgie turn out? Will Tabitha be able to fix herself? And will Buzz and BJ work on gaining Gnubb skill? Most importantly, is Brad really on Grim's short list?

Join me next time to find out! Until then, Happy Simming!


Category: The Byrds