Welcome back to the Byrds, where we are all in mourning. Last chapter BJ proposed to Janna, Miss Piggy didn't turn into an imaginary friend, and Sim!Candi turned to the evil ways of Pork. But the most important thing that happened last chapter was the death of our Founder, Bradley Byrd. *sniffle*
Volcano Cove was shocked to wake up this morning to the news that the beloved El Presidente, Bradley Byrd, had met Grim sometime during the night. The family is in mourning and declined to give a full interview, but Bradley's widow, Cole Byrd, told this newspaper that his passing was peaceful.
When asked how this would effect the popular "Peace and Chicken Grease for the People" movement, Cole is quoted as saying, "So long as there are Byrds, there will be Peace and Chicken Grease". She refused any comment on the Pick Pork movement, and before hanging up on this reporter, demanded that the media respect their privacy in this time of sorrow.
Funeral arrangements are private; the Byrd family wishes to honor Bradley Byrd without running the risk of the Pick Porkers staging a protest at the funeral.
Tabitha: You look nice, Bittern. It even looks like you brushed your hair.
Bittern: *sniffle* I wanted to look nice for Grandpa.
Tabitha: Oh sweetheart, I'm sure he appreciates it, too.
Garg: Aki. Have you taken care of that little issue, yet?
Aki: Don't question my ability to do my job, Garg. When its done, you will know.
BJ: Oh Sammi, it means so much to have you here for Grandpa's funeral.
Sammi: Thanks for allowing me to come. I know you wanted to limit it to family, but I loved him too.
BJ: I know you did, Sammi.
Sammi: If you guys need anything, please don't hesitate to let me know.
BJ: Well, now that you mention it...
Sammi: What is it, BJ? How can I help?
BJ: Well...seeing as you are such a good friend to the family and especially me, I was wondering if you would...
Sammi: Would what?
BJ: Would....be willing to dance at my bachelor party?
Sammi: When the funeral is over, you know I'm going to kick your ass, right?
Akepa: Who invited the munchkin to the service?
He's family! This is Barbet, one of Aki's twins. Poor fellow resembles Lawrence, I'm afraid.
Then again, he could resemble his Mom. Aki looks likes she's aged 20 years in one day.
Aki: My Dad! *sniffle* I haven't slept since Mom called me. I'm going to miss him so much.
And this is Bullfinch. She too looks like she inherited more from Lawrence than I would have liked.
Bullfinch: They're having the service in the basement? Why would they do that?
Because crying and grief brings out the paparazzi like a bag of bread drags out the ducks at the park.
Cole: I can't believe my stupid son-in-law showed up at my husband's funeral.
Garg: But he's family. He's sort of obligated to come.
Cole: Doesn't matter. Him showing his face is an insult to my dear Brad's memory.
The other thing that brings out the media is the scent of a family scandal. Cole wanted Sim!Garg to toss Lawrence out on his ear, but after some wrangling he was allowed to stay...in a corner, by himself.
Cole: Oh my darling SugarLump. It is in no way fair that you got to go first. It is going to be lonely without you, Snickerdoodle. Wait for me.
And then she broke my heart by standing at the door as if waiting for Brad to come home.
Cole: I'm not waiting for Brad. I'm waiting for Grim. Come on Grim. Don't make me wait to join him for too long.
And after all that sadness I needed a distraction. Look at how pretty the reflections are in the water! See? Doesn't that take that bad taste out of your mouth? I hope so, because even though death is sad, life does continue.
Barbet: Where is he? He told me he'd be right over when I called.
BJ: Hey Barbet. I came over as fast as I could. What's the case?
Barbet: BJ, I think my sister Bullfinch stole my mouthwash.
BJ: And that's an emergency?
Barbet: *breathes in BJ's face* What do you think?
BJ: *gasp* I see what you mean. She's standing right over there looking at us. Have you asked her where the mouthwash is?
Barbet: Of course not. Why would I want to talk to my mean sister? That's what I'm hiring you for!
BJ: So Bullfinch, Barbet says you stole his mouthwash. Is it true?
Bullfinch: Yeah, I took his stupid mouthwash. I had to get even with him for ripping the head off my Oscar the Grouch doll.
BJ: Well, give it back to him. *pause* Please!
Bullfinch: Oh alright. Mom says the best way to deal with disputes is to get violent anyway.
Sim!Starla: Hey Mariah! What do you think of my new composition? I created a funeral dirge for the late Bradley Byrd. I call it Barking Spiders in the Wind.
Sim!Mariah: I can dig it. I especially like how you make that bass sound like a fart.
Bittern: Let's see... I connected the blue, green, yellow and red wires to the purple one, the dangerous chemicals are bubbling away, and the bunsen burner is up on high.
Bittern: Let the science begin....
Bittern: Budgie asked me to work on a potion that would make fake people real. I don't care about that, I just want to blow things up. Let's see what happens if I pour this liquid into a test tube and stick it in the fire!
While Bittern was playing around with flammable materials, it seemed a good time to get out into the neighborhood (and away from the house). And while I was out wandering, I found Sim!Sarah's hubby Rob!
Sim!Rob: Oh, I hope Sarah doesn't see this chapter. If she sees what I've done, my goose is cooked.
You mean the fact that you brought your underage girlie boy Otis to a strip club?
Otis: Dad, what is that woman doing with that pole?
Rob: Don't worry about it, son. And don't tell your mother.
Bittern: So you see, Mr. Robot man, I can strike a pose just as well you as you can.
That's all well and good, Bittern, but shouldn't you be paying attention to your experiment?
Bittern: Nah. What could go wrong?
Immediately after this he set himself on fire and I had to send him to the showers. It is possible that science is not his calling.
And for today's Bird Watch, I give you this little cardinal in our backyard. Squee!
Sigh. I love this picture.
Alba: Hello there readers. I know we've had some really sad moments in our tale recently, but I want to tell you all that there is no reason to grieve. My Dad was, and still is, an icon, a warrior for Peace and Chicken Grease, and he will never fully disappear.
Alba wasn't kidding. Brad was away from us for a day. One day. And, as I found out later, he had no intention of ever leavng again.
Brad: Hehe. Floating up the stairs is fun!
The first thing he did was check on Budgie.
Brad: Hey there pumpkin.
Budgie: Hehe. Floaty Grandpa!
Tabitha: Have you boys felt anything strange in the house tonight? A creepy feeling like a thief is sneaking around or something?
BJ: No, I haven't felt anything, Mom.
Tabitha: I used to hunt ghosts for a living, guys, and I have to say that there is a chill in the air that feels terribly familiar.
Buzz: Maybe Sim!Neder is out haunting?
BJ: No, it couldn't be him. We packed him off to the graveyard, remember?
Buzz: Oh yeah. So, what do you think it is, Mom?
Tabitha: I'm not sure...
Buzz: Maybe we should set up your equipment and take some pictures?
Akepa: Guys! I don't think we'll need any equipment. I think I might know what's going on! Dad is back!
BJ: Get real, Aunt Akepa. He's only been gone for a day. It took Sim!Neder three days before he started haunting.
Akepa: Dad was always an overachiever, though.
Cole: There you are, Honeybun! It took you long enough to come back.
Brad: Well Cheesecake, I had to wait until the sun went down. And then I stopped upstairs to visit Budgie.
Cole: Was she glad to see you?
Cole: Though I'll bet she wasn't near as happy to see you as I am.
Proof positive that true love never dies, folks. They did all this autonomously, and when I looked at Cole's relationship panel later, Ghost!Brad was listed as her fiance. So no more tears! He never really left!
Aki: This is the best disguise ever! Dressed as the Leader I'll be able to sneak into to Mom's headquarters with no problem. No one will know that I'm not supposed to be there!
Bittern: Um, doesn't Aunt Aki realize that Aunt Akepa and Grandma will nab her as soon as she walks into the door?
Barbet: She lives in denial.
Bittern: Is there anything else Aunt Aki is in denial about?
Barbet: Yeah. She continues to tell us that Dad loves us. Sister and I both know he hates children though.
Bittern: That's rough, dude.
Eric Northman: *From behind the door* I don't know about this Elissa. If I shower, then its like I lose my badge of honor. How will I show Geobe my affection for him if I wash everywhere he's beat me?
Sim!Elissa: Trust me, Eric. Once you wash away that vampire hunter Geobe, there will be a whole new world waiting for you to explore.
Eric: Are you sure?
Elissa: I'm positive.
Elissa: *listens to the sound of water running* Perfect. Eric Northman will soon be mine.
And it was true. Shortly after he took a shower, I got a pop-up that the two were an item. Good job, Elissa!
No, this is not a glitch. I have included this picture of a levitating Budgie for one purpose only.
I wanted to demonstrate just how involved Brad still is with his family even though he's living impaired. I clicked on the birthday cake and it was Brad who brought her downstairs.
Budgie: Hehe, Grandpa!
Brad: There you go, sweepea. Let's blow out your candles.
Tabitha: Go Budgie!
Alba: *blows hard on the noisemaker*
And as you can see, Tabitha is still carrying the alien seed pod. She loses it when she changes into her work outfit, but it comes back again as soon as she puts on normal clothes.
Budgie: Hello world!
As a reminder, Budgie is good, and grumpy, with a photographer's eye. And she is too cute for words.
Budgie: Grandpa, you don't have to do that. We have cake to eat.
Brad: It's no trouble at all, sugar. Since I'm going to be around here all the time, I might as well make myself useful.
Budgie: ...and then Ghost Grandpa cooked and I had cake AND pancakes with syrup for my birthday. Isn't that grand, Kermie?
Kermit: It sure is, Budgie.
*from somewhere upstairs comes a loud piggy scream of frustration*
Since we've been so death focused the last couple of chapters, I thought I'd check out the VC graveyard. And it was there I found something interesting. And no, I'm not talking about the statue of Grim.
No, I found Sim!Grant standing at the gate and gazing into the graveyard.
Grant: Why shouldn't I come here? It is a good way to contemplate one's mortality. It is also a chance to point out one important thing to you.
Grant: I still have no feet.
BJ: Denim! You have to help me! Sim!Livia gave me the task of finding someone for her to date. I've asked all around town and no one can give me a suggestion! Please tell me you can help.
Denim: Well, I can think of one person, but I don't think Livia will like the idea...
BJ: So, I asked all around town, Livia, and tried to find someone available to date. I only came up with one name.
Sim!Livia: Don't keep me in suspense. Who is it?
BJ: You give me my fee, first. I want credit for this job, since I have to complete 35 of them for my lifetime wish.
Sim!Livia: Oh, alright. Here you go. Now who is it?
BJ: The only name I could come up with was Sim!RageMaiden.
Livia: Handler, is he serious? I don't swing that way usually.
Livia: Hmm, well I'm so lonely I guess I'll give it a try.
I think they call that experimentation. Have fun!
Tabitha: Hey kids. Go get your swimsuits on. We're having a party so I can beg money from people for my campaign.
Kids: *heard nothing beyond pool party* Hooray!
Sim!Sarah was invited to our party! Hey Sarah, what's so funny?
Sarah: Tabitha asked me for a campaign donation and the only money I had in my purse was Simopoly money. She took it!
Well, we've never said she was smartest tool in the shed.
Sarah: I'll write her a real check later. She's no Brad, but I do support Peace and Chicken Grease.
Cole: Snickerdoodle, this is a pool party. You should change into your swimsuit.
Brad: I would if I could, Blueberry Muffin, but you don't get wardrobe choices in the afterlife apparently.
Cole: Hmpf. Sounds like Grim needs some time in the comfy chair when I cross over.
Brad: If I've told you this once, I've told you a thousand times, devil-woman. I am a one woman man, and that woman is Cole!
Sim!Amanda: But Brad, you are a ghost now. You're dead! The same rules don't apply, and I'd love to have your ghost babies.
Brad: Get thee behind me, Beelzebub's daughter!
Yep. Even with Brad being dead, Sim!Amanda is still drawn to him like a moth to a flame. I just don't get it.
Janna: *laughs and points* Haha! Brad totally put that woman in her place. But I wonder why he looks so pale.
I'm starting to think that compared to Janna, Tabitha is a brainiac.
Budgie: Hey Kermie, let's go play.
Kermit: Sounds good to me, Budgie. Want to hang out in the treehouse?
***a frustrated scream rips through the din of the party***
Kermit: Did you hear that?
Budgie: Hear what?
Kermite: It sounded like a pig screaming "I'll kill the Handler!" or some such.
Budgie: I'm sure its nothing. Let's go.
Kermit: No pirates off the starboard bow, Captain. What do you see portside?
Budgie: I see a pirate looking fellow in our hot tub! Ew. I hope Mom cleans that before she gets back in.
Dodge Secksie: Ahhh, there is nothing more relaxing than bubbles on the butt.
Cole: You've got a lot of nerve showing your pork-loving face at my house.
Sim!Candi: Be reasonable, Cole. Just because I like pork doesn't mean I no longer love your family. We'll be in-laws soon, after all.
Candi: What are you going to do with that cane, Cole? Why are you looking at me like that? *runs away screaming* Cole! Be reasonable! I don't need to sit in the comfy chair!
Cole: Hmpf. She got away this time, but I'll catch her next time. If I have to be related to that woman, I fully intend to re-educate her.
Budgie: Gather round my family and come hear the horrifying tale of the giant bug that ate all the chicken grease!
Bittern: That's scary! How much chicken grease did the bug eat?
Budgie: All of it in the entire world.
Cole: *gasp* That might be worse than a zombie apocalypse.
She might have a point. We can prepare to fight the zombies, but how do we prepare for a world with no chicken grease? And with that we close this chapter of the Byrd saga. Will Tabitha raise enough money to get promoted? Will Cole manage to catch Candi and sit her in the infamous comfy chair? And will Miss Piggy give the Handler a HI-YA? I guess you will have to tune in next time to find out. Until then, Happy Simming!