Welcome back to the Byrds, where it is all for one, and one for Peace and Chicken Grease. Last time we attended Brad's funeral, BJ continued his struggle to solve 35 cases for his lifetime wish, and Bittern learned that he is not made for science. Ghost!Brad came back and reintegrated himself into the life of his family as if he had never left, and Budgie grew up into a cute young girl. Oh, and Miss Piggy still hasn't turned into an imaginary friend.
We begin this chapter right where we left off. In the dark, with Budgie trying to scare our socks off with a post-apocalyptic tale about a world with no chicken grease.
Budgie: And without any chicken grease, sims around the world were forced to eat...PORK!
BJ: That tale was awful, and it has built up my resolve. Never should simkind be forced to live in a world without Peace and Chicken Grease!
I agree, but where are you going?
BJ: To confront the evil itself.
Emeril: Well, well. If isn't Bluejay Byrd. May I inquire as to why you are invading my home?
BJ: I'll tell you, but first, what's wrong with that guy in the corner?
Emeril: He is a minion that has displeased me. As such, I am making him stand in the corner and stare at the awful wallpaper until his eyes bleed.
BJ: That's horrible! At home, we at least put minions in the comfy chair! For that and for your other crimes I, Bluejay Byrd, will punish you!
Emeril: You? You are just a misguided child. You haven't the backbone of your Grandmother, the Empress of Evil.
BJ: *whips out the mind control device* We'll just see about that!
Emeril: Oh! Look at me! I'm a pansy-arsed feathered Byrd lover!
Emeril: Pfft. As if. Your puny mind-control device might work on lesser sims, but it will never work on me. Boy, run along home to your mother before I get hungry.
It was about this time that I finally climbed onto the Pets bandwagon. Mostly, I got it for the ice cream truck. Squee!
And Akepa gets the honor of testing it out first.
Akepa: Hello in there! I know you've just moved to town and all that, but should you ever wish to expand your business, please feel free to contact me. In my line of work, a happily colored and extremely innocent looking ice cream truck could be extremely useful. What? Not interested right now? Maybe later then. In the meantime, I want an ice cream cone.
Brady: Hi there Sugarlump. You look pretty sexy standing there with that frosty treat.
Akepa: *giggles* Thanks Snickerdoodle.
His compliment affected her so much she promptly dropped her ice cream cone.
Cole decided to try the freezer bunny pop, which really signifies nothing except my enthusiasm for this new game feature and my desire to see each of the treats.
Cole: Freezer bunny, you've met your match today, but I'll try to be as gentle as I can.
LOL, the bunny looks scared.
I am pleased to report that BJ did not go running home after his encounter with the Pig of all Evil. Instead, he went back to work. The case of the fake tattoos led him to the tattoo parlor. Duh.
BJ: Even my outstanding deductive skills did not prepare me to find a passed out vampire on the lawn outside the salon. Should I dispatch him?
Leroy Secksie: ...sunlight...the burn....
I know he is in league with Lagasse, but you should probably let Geobe handle it. He is the expert.
BJ: So Frances, perhaps you should tell me why you've been selling fake tattoos to your customers. *pause* What's that? Speak a little louder. I can't hear you over that infernal racket.
Sim!Sabrina: It isn't racket. I am composing a funeral dirge for my creation Leroy Secksie. I can hear him dying outside.
He isn't dead yet. In fact, I think he's getting up and going home.
Sabrina: Rats! Sim!Starla made so much money with her song Barking Spiders In The Wind that I thought him dying off would be my chance to shine. What the hell. He has to die sometime, right?
Gordon Boudreaux: Ugh! That combination of notes just clawed down my spine and clamped down on my bladder! I don't think I can hold it...
Sammi: That's disgusting. Hopefully no one will remember that I'm related to the old coot.
I apparently did not get a picture of BJ solving the case. Someone had stolen all the tattoo inks driving Frances Reed to sell fake ones. The culprit? Sim!Jess! Shame on you!
And now it is time for Adventures in the Unlife of Ghost Brad. First, he makes his favorite food ever.
Brad: Ahhh, there is absolutely nothing in the world better than raw fish rolled in rice and seaweed. Yum!
You know you made a horrible mess there on the counter, right?
Brad: Of course I do. I'm leaving it for Cole to clean up. You know how much she loves to clean.
That's true. So what's the plan after you eat?
Brad: I'm going to share a bunk with my favorite granddaughter in the whole world.
Budgie: Zzzzz No one will believe me. Must take pictures. Zzzzz
Bittern: Grandpa! I become a teenager today!
Brad: *blows on a noisemaker with ghostly breath* That's fantastic my boy!
Like I said, it's really like Brad never left.
Budgie: You are awesome, brother! Don't forget to take the Photographer's Eye trait this time.
Bittern: That was the Handler's fault. I don't think she'll forget this time though.
Budgie: In that case, proceed with the age transition!
Bittern: Ask and you shall receive.
Wow. He's quite handsome, I have to say.
Cole: Of course he is! He is my grandson after all. *toots on the noisemaker*
Brad: Is it time to eat the tofu cake, yet?
Buzz, it isn't a school day today. Why are you headed into the school building?
Buzz: Award ceremony.
Oh. In that case proceed.
Buzz: I will once I figure out what he's doing.
*Looks over* I think he's being stupid. Don't worry about it.
Lawrence: Wow. I think I can actually see the pixels in this tree. I'd best let Sergio know.
Well, it's official. Once Bittern aged up, he was no longer able to communicate with his imaginary doll friend. Miss Piggy is destined to remain a doll forever.
Miss Piggy: Awww, shucks.
Considering that Bittern set himself on fire when he attempted to do science, I decided that he might need someone with the intestinal fortitude of iron to teach him how to drive.
Aki: Are you comfortable, Bittern? Can you see over the dashboard? If not, I can get a phone book for you to sit on.
Bittern: No, I'm alright Aunt Aki. I want to thank you for agreeing to teach me to drive. Anytime I mentioned it to anyone else, they suddenly had something else to do.
Aki: Not a problem, Bittern. Let's begin.
*One hour later*
Bittern: Come on, Aunt Aki. Get back in the car. I promise not to play Chicken with anymore Semis, OK?
Aki: No thank you. I think I can walk home.
Bittern: Don't be silly. It's miles away, and you look like a hooker standing there on the street.
Aki: You noticed? I've been working on my street walker persona for a secret agent job.
Bittern: It's perfect. Really. Now please get back in the car.
Aki: OK, but you screw up again and I'm tossing your ass in jail with a bunch of Pick Porkers.
Now that it is quite clear that Miss Piggy will never be a real pig, I've got to reconsider my plans for Kermit.
Budgie: Kermit, now that you can't be with Miss Piggy, what do you want to be when you grow up?
Kermit: I don't know, Budgie. Can't I just stay with you?
Budgie: Of course you can, Kermit. How long do you want to stay?
Kermit: How about forever?
Budgie: Great, but we'd best see about making you real then.
Kermit: Is that even possible?
Budgie: Yeah, but we'll need a rainbow gem. But don't worry. I think I know where to get one.
Budgie: BJ, being a detective and all, I'll bet you are really good at finding things, yeah?
BJ: Well, I don't like to brag, but I am pretty extraordinary. What are you looking for?
Budgie: I need a rainbow gemstone, the biggest and most pretty one you can find.
BJ: You're in luck little sister. I happen to have one on me right now. You are more than welcome to have it.
Budgie: *screams with delight* Oh brother, you are the absolute bestest! Thank you so much!
BJ: My pleasure.
On a side note, my jaw hit the floor when I saw how high she jumped.
Kermit: Your brother is made of awesome, Budgie. Does this mean you can make me real right now?
Budgie: No, not yet.
Budgie: First I have to mail the gemstone off to the science lab so they can do their science thing. And then we wait for the potion to be done.
Kermit: I can't wait! Oh, this is so exciting.
Kermit: Thank you Budgie. It will be awesome to be real!
Budgie: Anything for you Kermit. You are my bestest friend in the whole world after all.
Cole: Akepa, sweetpea, I've been hearing lots of good things about you in the organization lately. You've been rising in the ranks for one thing.
Cole: And helping to take out the trash out from among our ranks. I'm proud of you, darling. It won't be much longer before you are standing by my side as Leader of the criminal underworld.
Akepa: Thanks Mom. I really appreciate that.
Budgie: Bittern! What are you doing at the science center?
Bittern: Doing some research for a school report. What are you doing here?
Bittern: You were collecting that potion that supposedly makes imaginary friends real, weren't you.
Bittern: Don't worry sis. I don't think you're crazy, but we'd best hurry home. We don't want to miss the party.
Yes dear readers (and Buzz's one fan) today is the day that Buzzard Byrd transitions into a young adult.
Buzz: Everyone here? Are you guys ready for me to blow out the candles?
Bittern: We're ready over here, bro. Let it rip.
Tabitha: Hehe, my son said rip.
Akepa: Yeah, you better not let one rip yourself, Tabitha. At least not while I'm back here.
Bittern: There you are Grandpa. I was afraid you were going to miss this.
Brad: I would never miss such a happy event. Go Buzz! Woohoo!
He's still handsome! Buzz rolled the Mooch trait, and now that he is a young adult, I will make him available for download right away. You know, for his single fan. His lifetime wish is to make monsters.
Heather: My turn now! Hmmm, what should I wish for?
Heather: Boobs! Just what I've always wanted.
Brad: She grew up with a nice rack. I approve.
Cole: Bradley dear, if you don't stop oogling our future daughter-in-law's chest, I'm going to sit you in the comfy chair.
Brad: Can't threaten me with that anymore, Cheesecake. I can just float out of it.
Cole: Awww, Bird Feathers!
Buzz: Wow, Heather. I think they grew this much. It's incredible!
Heather: So you like them, then?
Buzz: My dearest Heather, I like everything about you.
Buzz: And even if your boobs hadn't developed when you transitioned, I'd still want to spend the rest of my life with you.
Buzz: So tell me, Heather Fulton, will you marry me? At the Handler's convenience, of course.
Heather: Of course I will Buzz!
Heather: Thank you Buzz, for the best birthday ever.
I really love this couple. I'll be keeping a close eye on them even when they move out.
Sim!Crystal: Honey, what is that big brownish thing leaping behind us?
Dweezil Creeper: I'm not sure, baby. We'd best ignore it.
Aha! My first deer spotting. Squee!
And lo, the Ancient Chicken Sensei had a vision of a great flood, and he commanded unto his chosen, "Go Forth and collect Byrds two by two, so that the teachings of Peace and Chicken Grease shall not perish".
Budgie: Stop being a dweeb, Handler. We're not here to board an ark.
Sorry. Couldn't resist.
Budgie is entirely correct. The Byrds are assembled to celebrate that rite of passage every teenager must experience on the way to adulthood.
And no, we aren't talking about pimples.
Buzz: I'm graduating today.
And to celebrate, we are working in a mention of Corbin Boudreaux.
Sim!NKaty: Oh, young man. I am so glad you are here.
Corbin: What seems to be the problem?
Sim!NKaty: I'm afraid the tile has turned into quicksand and I am well and truly stuck. Do you think the cause might be something paranormal?
Corbin: I'm afraid not. This looks like plain old sucky Eaxis coding to me. Good luck with that.
I'd like to say that Corbin put on his superhero cape and came to her rescue, but that would be a fib. Instead, he walked right on by and me, the Handler, fixed it with a sim reset.
And we now return you to the regularly scheduled program, already in progress.
Bittern: I'm confused, Dad. We were over on the sidewalk one minute and now we're at the door of city hall, but I don't remember moving.
Alba: It's the magic of sim storytelling, son. It's best not to question.
Buzz: This is awesome! No more homework!
Buzz was voted most likely to burn the house down. All I've got to say is, he better not.
This was also a happy day for the Stormcallers. Congrats Randall.
Randall: Thanks. Can I go now?
And it is as I feared. Monte is a vampire. Geobe! How can you allow a vampire to live in the Stormcaller household?
Geobe: The coding won't allow me to put a stake into chest until he's an adult.
Monte: *looking at Randall* Help!
Randall: You're on your own, bro.
And what could be a better ending to such a happy day than a visit from Sim!Sarah, sporting her Peace and Chicken Grease shirt?
Sarah: I've been invited over to the Byrd's house, there are lots of other people here, and I think I smell freshly baked tofu in the air. I'm here for another birthday party, aren't I?
Tabitha: Psst, Corbin. Have you heard the latest about Sim!Mariah?
Corbin: No! Tell me!
Tabitha: She tried to corner Akepa after a heist, and got the snot kicked out of her. She looks like she got mauled by a bear.
I must confess that Sarah was correct. It is another birthday party. The presence of Corbin gives it away every time. Today, Akepa ages into an adult, which should give you an indication of how long I've been working to get her promoted to the top of the criminal career. Sigh.
Akepa: Get ready for my transition guys!
Corbin: Cole, why is she dressed in that hideous outfit?
Cole: Because the Handler accidentally deleted some custom content, including her outfit.
Brad: Oh thank you, Chicken Sensei for watching over my children.
Buzz: *shoots a spitball at his Aunt*
Akepa: Watch it, Buzz. I'm sporting my new outfit which includes sneakers. You wouldn't be able to run fast enough.
But since I did lose that particular outfit, Akepa was not the only one who suffered.
Sim!Amanda: Fix it! Garg, fix it now! I can't be seen out in public like this!
Sim!Polly: Oh, don't look at me. My clothes are all icky and stuff. Pfft. And they call me crazy.
There. Fixed. How's that?
Amanda: Well, its got purple in it, so I guess it'll do.
And since I was passing out the makeovers, I decided to do Sim!Garg a favor and fix her up as well. Much better. And the hairstyle is more like my true one.
Brady: Grrr. The Handler is giving out makeovers and I didn't get one.
That's because you don't need one, dear. You are attractive as you are...except for that nasty sneer on your face.
Tabitha: You see, Alba? Look over at Poison Ivy Chimeree. She's sporting an alien seed pod just like I am.
Alba: I think she might actually be pregnant, dear.
Akepa: Do you want me to do some sneaking around and find out for sure?
Cole: Akepa, sugar, you really shouldn't listen to Tabitha's rantings. She's not playing with a full deck, and you can't trust her farther than you throw her.
Akepa: Really? How can you tell?
Cole: Her teeth. They sparkle too much when she smiles. It is a sure sign of untrustworthiness.
Tabitha: What do you know, old woman? My teeth are so white because I never brush them. Licking plates clean provides enough abrasion to keep them white and sparkly.
Brad: *who decided to make a cheese plate instead of eating cake* Come on now. Can't we all just get along?
BJ: They fought while you were alive, Grandpa. I don't think that will change even when they are both dead.
Brady: Psst. Hey, Akepa. Look over there.
Akepa: What am I looking....OH!
Tabitha: It's horrible, Alba. That woman hates me, and nothing I can do will make her change her mind.
Alba: Don't worry about it, Apple Danish. I still love you. Come give me some sugar.
Brady: You'd think they would care about being observed. The paparazzi are just outside after all. Hey! Why don't you two get a room!
Brady: I don't say this to be hurtful, Akepa darling, but your sister-in-law really needs to step on a treadmill every now and again.
Akepa: Yeah, I know. That alien seed pod really messed up her figure.
Meanwhile, BJ runs into Virginia while working a case and decides to take a direct approach.
BJ: I know you work for Lagasse. Tell me where I can find him.
Virginia: Sure. No skin off my nose. The boss isn't always timely with the paychecks if you know what I mean. Look for him outside the junkyard.
As the gull flies, BJ hurried in the chicken mobile to the junkyard.
As soon as he saw Lagasse, he ran up and started swinging.
BJ: If the mind control device doesn't work, let's see what a fist can do.
Emeril: What the -?
Emeril: Pfft. Didn't hurt. You've got twigs for arms, boy.
Sim!Sabrina: Now, I've just got to hit the bunnies with this stick...
And so we close this chapter of the Byrd Legacy with a picture of a simself who doesn't seem to realize that the bunnies are behind her. Will Akepa and Brady finally get married and move out of the house? How long does Cole plan to keep trucking? And will BJ find a way to thwart his nemesis? Tune in for the next exciting chapter to find out! Until then, Happy Simming!