Welcome back to the Byrds, where everything is finger lickin' good!. In the last episode, BJ tried and failed to stop the evil Lagasse twice, Buzzard graduated and got engaged to teenage sweetheart Heather Fulton, and Bittern proved himself to be a terrible driver. Budgie and Kermit have been figuring out how to make Kermit real, and the feud continues between Cole and Tabitha.
Akepa: Hey Mom. I took your advice and read your Sim Fu book to learn the basics. Do you think you could teach me some advanced moves?
Cole: Of course I can, dear. I'm pleased to see you pursuing the martial arts. They will serve you well in our profession.
And while Cole was busy...
Tabitha: Oh Brad! You feel so substantial even though you don't have a body. I'm so glad you haven't left us forever.
Brad: Me too. *pause* Um, Tabitha, keep your hands above the belt line, please.
Tabitha: Oh, OK. *giggle* Oops.
Since Buzz wishes to be a monster maker, I figured I'd help him get some inventing skill under his belt before I released him into the wilds.
Buzz: Hmm, I wonder what I should do with this hunk of metal.
Buzz: I know. I'll take a blowtorch to it.
Let us hope Buzz has more luck inventing than Bittern had with making potions.
Bittern: Oh Grandpa! I didn't see you there! What brings you to the office? *laughs nervously*
Brad: I saw what you did to that chair, Bittern.
Bittern: You did? What did you see? I didn't really do anything much...
Brad: *laughing* It will be a great prank when someone sits there! So don't worry, your secret is safe with me.
Bittern: Thanks Grandpa. You're the best.
No, this is not a picture of Bittern putting a booby trap on the computer. He rolled the wish to write a science fiction novel, and I decided to indulge him.
Bittern: Let's see...what should I call my novel? I know! I'll call it Byrds in Space!
Yeah, I couldn't resist.
BJ: Hey there Bronx. I've got a bit of a problem, and I'm hoping you might be able to help me.
Bronx Mowgli Creeper: I'd be delighted to help you anyway I can, BJ. That's what friends are for.
BJ: That's great, dude! I'm having a lot of trouble finding someone to dance at my bachelor party. I've asked every female I know, and they have all turned me down. I'm getting desperate for entertainment at the party. What do you say? Would you be willing to don the costume and shake the booty for the crowd?
Bronx: *stares at him in disbelief* I think I'll have to pass, BJ. And now that I think about it, I really don't like you that much after all. How about you never talk to me again?
Cole, we need to talk.
Cole: I don't like the sound of that.
It isn't anything bad, really. We just need to face the reality that you are living a lot longer than I expected, and we will have some new faces moving in soon. Bedrooms will need to be reassigned.
Cole: You want to kick me out of the bed my beloved Brad and I shared?
I'm afraid it's necessary. Besides, Brad always camps out in the girls room now anyway. I'll put you in a bunk in that room, and then you will still be together.
Cole: And what about woohoo?
You are always free to use whatever space you want for woohoo.
Budgie: Don't worry Grandma, it will be fun. Though, Grandpa does have a tendency to pass gas while he sleeps so it does get stinky. It smells like rotten eggs.
Cole: Wonderful. It is somehow sad that even in death he can't get rid of that habit.
Akepa: Hi everyone! I'm home and I have wonderful news!
Cole: And what is this wonderful news, Akepa dear? Have you completely erradicated the Pick Porkers from our organization?
Akepa: I totally did! Tossed them out on their butts! The organization is just as you wanted it to be, Mom. And for my efforts, they promoted me to Co-Leader.
Cole: You've done well, Sugar, and I am proud of you. But there is one last trial you must overcome before you can officially become the Leader.
Cole: Your final challenge is to defeat me in fair combat.
Akepa: Are you sure about this, Mom? You aren't as young as you were once were, and I would hate myself if I accidentally hurt you.
Cole: I'm positive, and trust me when I say you won't hurt me. Always remember that even as you age, you must always stay strong to guide the organization.
Akepa: Alright Mom. Prepare to be defeated!
Cole: Nice strike, dear, but it was a little slow. See? I've got plenty of time to block. If you want to defeat me, you will have to do better than that.
Brad: Ahh, another day of ghostly wandering. I wonder what my family is up to today.
Cole: Still too slow. You know, dear, you have to hit me to pass the test.
Akepa: Then take this! *Akepa feinted with the right hand and came in for a body shot with the left*
Cole: That was a fantastic shot, Akepa. You have defeated me in fair battle and have proven yourself truly worthy to bear the title of Leader.
Akepa: This is great, Mom. We can now rule the underworld together.
Cole: Oh no, Sweet Pea. The organization works best with one Leader, so I am stepping down as of this moment. I know you will do our family proud.
Akepa: In that case, Mom, congrats on your retirement! I guess this means you really are as old as a yeti!
Cole: *laughing* Yes, I suppose it does.
Bittern: Congrats Grandma!
BJ: I came as soon as I heard all the ruckus. What's going on?
Cole: I'm retiring, and your Aunt Akepa is taking over as Leader.
Bittern: That's great news, Grandma. Congrats!
BJ: I agree, Grandma. That is good news.
Tabitha: Good news? Son, that's fantastic news! Congrats Cole.
Cole: Who let you in here? This celebration is for true members of the family, only.
BJ: Hoo boy. I think I need to get out of the line of fire.
Cole: Don't bother, BJ. I'll leave instead.
Tabitha: I'm part of this family. Hooray for Cole's retirement!
Brad: Hooray for my Cheesecake! Woo!
Bittern: I'm glad you're happy, Grandpa, but could you get your sign out of my head? I'm starting to get a headache.
Brad: *after gliding through the wall* I'm proud of you, Cinnamon Swirl. Have some confetti.
Cole: Thanks Snickerdoodle, but do you have to use so much confetti? It will take forever to clean it up.
Brad: No it won't. We'll get the gnomes to do it.
Alba: Aaaachhooo! I think a piece of confetti just went up my nose.
After all that partying, I sent Buzz to have a chat with his mother.
Tabitha: I know your wedding is coming up Buzz, and I just want you to know how much your father and I want grandchildren. It has been a long time since we've had the talk. Do you need a refresher?
Buzz: No, I'm good.
Tabitha: Are you sure? All your parts are in working order? Do we need to schedule a visit to the clinic?
Buzz: *sigh* I blame you for this, Handler.
I know just how to make it up to you.
Buzz: I would like an ice cream cone, please. With extra sprinkles.
Ice cream. It cures what ails you.
Fozzie: I think I spot some trouble on the horizon.
Rowlf: Wonderful! I love a good drama.
Honeydew: Wake me up when its over.
Scooter: Wow. It's like totally looking into the sun.
Wonder what has captured the attention of my gnome army?
There be a storm brewing on the horizon.
Cole: You are a disgrace to the Byrd family name. Your goal is to get promoted to El Presidente so we can ensure that Peace and Chicken Grease still dominates the politics of this town. It is taking you entirely too long to achieve this goal. Get a move on!
Tabitha: But Cole, I'm working as hard as I possibly can. Do you know how difficult it is to raise money for a political campaign right now? Sure, everyone wants to play lip service to the ideals of Peace and Chicken Grease, but when you ask them to donate to the cause they pull out pocket change.
Cole: Excuses! You're giving me nothing but lame excuses. But it's OK, cause I'm retired now and I've decided my new job is to ride your ass until you fulfill your family obligation.
Tabitha: Don't push me too far, old woman.
Buzz desired to get as far from the fighting women as he could, so I sent him to a party thrown by Sim!HollyDaze.
Buzz: Hi Holly. Lovely party, really. But I have to ask, why did you decide to throw a pool party when you don't actually have a pool?
Holly: *gives Buzz a long look up and down* Oh, no reason. I suppose I just like seeing people in their bathing suits.
Sim!Julie: First, she throws a pool party without a pool, and then she doesn't provide us with any food to eat at this shindig. Well, I'll just make some cheesy mac to help her out.
Another attendee at this lame party was this little girl - Meghan Jaz, daughter of Julie Jaz and the Pick Pork leader, Emeril Lagasse.
Meghan:...and then we'll send a rocket and blow up everyone at the next Chicken rally! Daddy will be so pleased.
Jared Secksie: Hey Julie, not only did Holly not provide us any food, she didn't give us any entertainment, either. I'll just play some bass to liven things up a bit.
Buzz: I can dig it.
Yes, I put him in a tiny speedo and flippers. It amuses me.
Tabitha: Oh Alba, it was horrible. Your mother yelled at me and said I wasn't doing everything I could to live up to the family name. Honestly dear, I just don't know how much I can take.
Alba: I know it's hard, Snickerdoodle, but you have to cut her some slack. She's in her golden years and is doing all she can to be sure that the legacy lives on after she and Dad have both crossed over.
Tabitha: I understand that, really I do, but would it kill her to be nicer about it? I've been sentenced to the comfy chair so many times that the cushion has started to mold to my behind!
Alba: I'll talk to her, but I make no promises.
Tabitha: Thank you, Alba. On other news, I think the alien seed pod is finally gone for good. I'm hoping we never have contact with those people from Borax ever again!
Alba: *sigh* My wife is still a little crazy, isn't she?
Just a bit, yeah.
But enough of the drama llama! Let's move on to happier things, like a wedding!
Akepa: Apple Crumble, that's the tenth time you've gone to the bathroom in the past 20 minutes. Are you alright?
Brady: Leave me alone. I've got a nervous colon.
Corbin: Cole, this is a lovely venue you've chosen for this wedding. The view out to sea is simply divine.
Cole: Thank you Corbin. It is breathtaking, isn't it?
Tabitha: I don't know what you are praising her for, Corbin. Akepa was the one who found this place.
In addition to the lovely outdoor reception hall, the lot has a beautiful chapel as well.
Sim!Amanda: What's Akepa doing up there?
Akepa: ...and this move is called Hidden Groom, Crouching Bride.
Brady: That's wonderful dearheart, but I think everyone is seated now. How about we leave off on the Sim Fu lesson and get married.
Akepa: Yeah, OK. So, do you want to go first, or do you want me to?
Brady: I'll go first. I love you, Akepa Byrd, and fully intend to spend the rest of my life with you, so long as the Handler allows.
Akepa: And I love you just as much. I will stay with you for the rest of my life, as long as the Handler allows.
Akepa: Now, gimme some sugar, baby.
Corbin: Seeing our Brady get married, *sniffle* it is such a touching moment.
Lisette: You really are an emotional marshmallow, aren't you?
Akepa: Wow. That tofu cake is nearly as big as Budgie.
Brady: *hearing a rolling in his gut* Uh oh.
Akepa: I'm not one for big speeches. So let's eat!
Brady: *Turns around* Can I make the dash in time?
Brady: Nope. *Farts loudly* Sorry about that Muffin.
Akepa: No worries, love. I understand about your colon. Maybe if I cut the cake the guests won't notice?
Duncan Food: *sniff sniff* What is that smell?
Sim!Sabrina: Boo! This sucks!
Are you objecting to gas at the wedding reception?
Sabrina: Heck no. It ain't a party if no ones got the farts. I'm mad that Brady is dancing with his wife and not me!
Akepa: Brady do you hear someone growling at me?
Brady: I wouldn't worry about it, pumpkin. It is probably someone upset about the traffic jam at the buffet table.
Brady: Hey Mom. I'm glad you were able to attend my wedding. I'm only sorry that Dad couldn't be here too.
Lisette: Don't worry son. I'm sure that no good Sim!Neder is well aware you got married today and is just as proud of you as I am.
Brady: Thanks, Mom. I think.
Budgie: This sucks. There is plenty of cake and none of it is birthday cake.
Cole: Don't worry, Budgie. We can still celebrate your birthday even if there isn't birthday cake.
Tabitha: Woo! Go Budgie!
Budgie: That wasn't so bad, I guess. Even though I didn't get a party, I'm still surrounded by my family. But that doesn't mean I'll ever let them forget this.
She's gorgeous! Wowza. Her new trait is dramatic.
Brady: What? Aw crap. Not again!
Brady: I'm so glad I'm moving out of this damn house today.
Yep, Akepa and Brady are moving out today. Of course, I made sure Akepa had a little something extra before shipping them out.
Akepa: Hurry up, slowpoke. I thought you were the one that was itching to move into our own home.
Brady: I'll be there as soon as I finish washing this dye out of my hair.
Budgie: Grandma, can we go visit Aunt Akepa and Uncle Brady in their new home?
Cole: That is an excellent idea, Budgie. I'd like to see their new home, myself.
Budgie: Great! Erm, can I drive?
Cole: Goodness! I know you want to be cautious Budgie, but if you don't speed up just a little, we won't make it to their house until the new year.
Budgie: Sorry Grandma. *floors the gas*
Cole: Now that's more like it!
And this is where I moved Akepa and Brady. Isn't it purty? I didn't build it (obviously since the best I can do is build boxes), and it is available for download here. As an additional note, this lot is right next door to Aki and Lawrence.
And as soon as I moved them out, I moved Heather Fulton in. For those who are curious, she is a hyrdophobic, neurotic, clumsy, loser of a computer whiz. Sounds like she was living in her parents basement most of her life. Her lifetime wish is to become a Forensic specialist, but with those traits, the deck seems stacked against her.
Heather:So Buzz, now that I'm a member of the household I think I need to be educated in the proper observance of Peace and Chicken Grease. Would you be willing to teach me?
Buzz: Of course I will. The first thing we need to do is strip naked...
Cole: What's going on here? Heather, I know you are new to this household, but my beloved Cheesecake declared that there will be no woohoo until after marriage in this household.
Heather: Oh, I understand that fully, G'Mama Byrd. Buzz explained it to me. No, he was teaching me the proper observance of Peace and Chicken Grease. He said that we had to get naked first.
Cole: Well, he is right about that, but the chicken grease is stored in the basement and not in the bedroom. How about you head downstairs and let me talk to Buzz for a moment.
Heather: Sure thing G'Mama Byrd.
Buzz: Grandma, I can totally explain. I really was going to teach her about stripping, smearing chicken grease all over her body, and running down the street naked...eventually.
Cole: You don't have to explain anything to me, Buzz. Your Grandpa installed security equipment, remember? I expect you to observe the rules of the house. Understood?
Buzz: Yes ma'am.
Cole: Good. Now get downstairs with Heather. I better be seeing your naked butts out on the street in ten minutes.
And then we tried to move in Janna. Emphasis on the tried.
Cole: Are you sure you don't want to move into our household. You are supposed to marry the Byrd heir soon. You know, BJ? Here let me show you a picture to remind you.
Janna: I know who he is, G'Mama Byd. *giggles* You're so funny. I would love to move in, but my Mom isn't quite ready to let go of me yet.
Cole: She's not, eh? Well, I'll fix that in a hurry.
Janna: G'Mama Byrd, did I just see Buzz run behind the ice cream truck naked?
Cole: Of course you did, dear. I know you are excited to try it yourself, but don't fret. Your turn will come soon.
Janna: Um, good.
Kermit: Do you have the potion?
Budgie: I do, but are you sure that this is what you want, Kermit? Once you do this, you will be subjected to the will of the Handler. Fun will be gone, and there will lots of homework, and skilling.
Kermit: If it means I can be with you, then I'm positive. Gimme.
Budgie: *shocked gasp* Kermit? Are you alright?
Kermit: It tastes like bubblegum. And ooooo pretty colors. *giggles* And it tickles too!
Not to mention that it takes forever.
Kermit: Well? How do I look?
Don't know. It is too dark to tell.
Much better! In addition to ice blue eyes, he's got green hair! Squee! Not bad at all.
How will Kermit adjust to life as a sim? Will Tabitha ever reach the top of the political career track? Can Buzz sustain himself with cold showers until the wedding? And what will the Byrds do about Janna's pick porker of a mother? Join me next time to find out. Maybe. Until then, Happy simming!