Welcome back to the Byrds! I hope all the readers out there have stripped and smeared themselves with chicken grease in preparation of this chapter! And if you haven't, shame! Pay homage to the Ancient Chicken Sensei and go eat some fried chicken in penance!
Last time, Buzz and BJ won a Gnubb tournament against the Pick Porker team, and Tabitha was finally (FINALLY!) elected El Presidente. Janna moved in and started working on her LTW of collecting 20 minor pets, and Akepa and Brady had a girl named Blackbird. We finished the chapter by celebrating the marriage of Buzz and Heather.
We open this chapter with a picture of a smiling Ghost!Brad. Brad, what are you so happy about?
Brad: My one true love promised that I would get a treat as soon as she got back from the wedding.
Really? And do I want to know what sort of treat she's referring to?
Brad: She promised me some tofu cake since I couldn't attend the wedding reception. I hope they get home soon. I've been staring at this cake for hours.
Well, hours might be a slight exaggeration, but he definitely did stare at the cake for awhile. He's a ghost after my own stomach!
Tabitha: Oh Alba, are you sure we have do this?
Alba: 'Fraid so, Butter Cake. Time stops for no sim - unless you happen to be one of the chosen four the Handler has bestowed her grace upon.
Tabitha: But I'm scared. What if my boobs sag so much you won't love me anymore?
Alba: Not gonna happen, Snickerdoodle. I know you're a few bubbles off plumb, but you're my girl and that won't ever change.
Tabitha: Oh Alba...
*insert smoochie noises here*
Alba: And just to show you that there's nothing to fear, I'll go first. Ok Apple Crumble?
Tabitha: Sure thing, Honey Cake.
Alba: Wait a minute! I thought this would be a quiet affair with only me and my wife in attendance. Where did you all come from?
Bittern: We wouldn't miss this for the world, Dad.
Cole: Of course not. We smelled the tofu cake all the way out in the driveway and came running.
Tabitha: Budgie, could you move over? I can't see.
Budgie: Oooo, Kermit! We are about to get MORE tofu cake. I'm so excited I can barely stand it.
Alba: Ah well, I can't complain about surrounded by my family. This transition - Hey! Wait just a minute. Did my finger fall off in the transition?
Buzz: No Dad. It's still there. Bring your hand closer to your face and you'll see it.
Alba: So I can, my boy. Looks like age has affected the eyesight a bit, eh Handler?
Believe me, Alba, when I say I feel your pain.
Budgie: All right! We get to cut the cake now!
Sharp eyes will notice that this age transition party happened right after the wedding. And I do mean right after.
Tabitha: Is it my turn now? I wonder what I should wish for.
Heather: You could wish for a healthy and long life.
Bittern: Or you could wish for boobs that don't sag to your knees.
Tabitha: Both helpful suggestions, children, but if I have to wish, I think I will wish for...
Janna: Woohoo! Awesome choice Tabitha!
Tabitha: No, wait, on second thought I don't want ponytails after all. Bugger.
Budgie: Oh thank the Chicken Sensei! Mom hasn't lost all sense of taste in the transition!
Heather: Yeah, that look does not work well for you. I'd say change it with all due haste.
Alba: Geez, Dad. Can you believe the limited wardrobe choices for Elder sims? Eaxis really dropped the ball on this, don't you think?
Bittern: I'd best get a picture of your outfit, Dad. I need to remember it so I can pick something different when my time comes.
Brad: That may not be possible, Grandson. By the time you turn old, all the outfits might have been used already.
Yeah, Eaxis has really given us a dearth of choices for Elder sims. It almost seems like the clothes they did give us were afterthoughts. An "Oh yeah, I guess we really can't let the elders run around naked" selection. I'm even having a hard time finding custom content for elders. Boo.
Kermit: Budgie, would you be willing to do something for me?
Budgie: Of course I would, Kermit. What do you want to me to do?
Kermit: I keep hearing your Mom ask Ghost!Brad if he wants to watch the stars with her, and I'm kind of curious to know what it's like.
Budgie: Well, let me show you...
Kermit: Oh! Look at that one! It totally looks like a Chicken!
Budgie: It should. That's the constellation Grandis Poultrycanus. It's said that the Great Ancient Chicken Sensei was born when that group of stars was at its brightest.
Kermit: Amazing! And thanks for this Budgie. I think I like watching the stars with you.
Budgie: You're welcome. And you can sit under the stars with me anytime, Kermit.
Buzz: Wow, Cheesecake. When you said you were going to blow my socks off, you weren't kidding! That was fantastic! But...did we succeed?
Heather: Oh yeah, baby. We nailed it in one.
Buzz: In that case, we are moving out of here!
Heather: To have a home of my very own! It's going to be wonderful, Buzz.
Why they had to have this conversation in the bathroom, I have no idea.
And this is their new abode. This ultra modern home was not built by me (quel surprise!), and can be downloaded here! I hope they enjoy their new home.
BJ: Hey Buzz, I'm finally getting my bachelor party! What's that? Yeah, the Handler is a bit slow with things, but I'm getting what I want so I can't complain.
BJ: So are you game? Great. Meet me at the sports bar. See you in a bit.
Cole: It's good to see BJ so happy, though I wonder why he tore out of here so fast.
LOL! He thinks he's going to touch some boobies, I'm sure.
BJ: *Jamming to some tunes* I'm getting a bachelor party! There's gonna be some girls....
On the way to the party, I spied this.
Minion Elderly Paparazzi: These are some funny looking critters. Jess, what do you think they are?
Sim!Jfed: I don't know. Do you think it could be a llama? I've heard they like to roam in packs.
Minion Elderly Paparazzi: No, I don't think it's a llama, though it does have a long neck. *shouts* I've got it! They are bears!
Wild Baby Horse: You are nutter, woman.
So the residents of Volcano Cove are still getting used to the animals around.
BJ: Minion Bartender, fix me a drink worthy of a bachelor party!
Minion Bartender: Sure thing, buddy. I'm not sure you can call this a bachelor party, though.
BJ: Whatever are you talking about, man?
Minion Bartender: Normally you have strippers at bachelor parties, and I don't see a single one.
BJ: Well...maybe they are caught in traffic. I'm sure they will be along directly.
Buzz: You're fooling yourself, brother. It's widely known around town that you weren't able to find any females willing to dance at your party.
BJ: But I asked everyone, Buzz. Surely someone will come? They can't all have forsaken me, right?
Sergio Stormcaller: Nope, I don't think they're coming, BJ. I heard that Janna's mother threatened every lady in town with a fate worse than an Eaxis hairstyle if they agreed to dance for you.
Moss Chimeree: What do you think, Cocaine? Is he going to have an accident?
Cocaine Chimeree: I don't know. Gordon Boudreaux is a tough fellow, but he doesn't have a steel bladder.
Gordon Boudreaux: Silly young whipersnappers. I can hold my bladder as well as a sim half my age!
Buzz: This might be a good thing, BJ. At least with no dancers, you won't run into any trouble at home.
Moss: Please Mr. Bartender, with no women around the only thing left to save this party is booze. Please fix us all your signature drink.
Minion Bartender: Coming right up, Mr. Chimeree.
Minion Bartender: Erm, coming right up after I clean up this mess.
Cocaine: This is going to be one long party.
Moss: No doubt about it.
So it's true. Despite it being a bachelor party, BJ didn't get any dancers. He'll live.
Bittern: Hey Dad, I think I want to throw a slumber party this evening. Can I go ahead and call all my friends?
Alba: Sure thing, son. Just give me some time to put my clothes back on, though.
Bittern: Clothes? Eh?
Alba: Well, your Mom and I just woohooed in the official Elderly Byrd Bed, and we don't move as fast as we used to.
Bittern: Ewww, Dad! I don't need to know!
Alba: You're the one who barged in here, son. Next time, knock.
Tabitha: Take that, you old hag. I just woohooed with my husband in what used to be your bed. *laughs insanely*
Deanna Sims: Thanks for inviting me over, Bittern. I've never been to a slumber party before. What do we do?
Bittern: I've always found that a ghost story is the perfect thing to do at a slumber party. So, let me tell you the story about the pig that ate Sunset Valley.
Monte Stormcaller: That sounds terribly scary. I'm not sure I want to listen to this story.
BJ: How did I get stuck with being the official chaperone of the party?
Your parents were *cough* busy...again.
BJ: Hmpf. There better not be any teenage hanky panky at this party.
Says the man who desperately wanted scantily clad dancing chicks at his bachelor party.
When it came time for all naughty and nice children to go to sleep, I found this. Apparently Monte, my son, has no idea how to use a sleeping bag.
Monte: Of course I do. If I slip down to the bottom then the sunlight can't get me.
Well, except for your lower extremities.
And Kermit decided to opt out of the whole slumber party business entirely.
Kermit: It wasn't my party, after all. Besides, I've been itching to check out this contraption. *sighs* The bubbles feel so nice, and in all kinds of places too. I may never leave.
He was quite serious and stayed in the hot tub until I made him get out.
Alba: Food for the little fuzzy nefarious want-to-be tyrant of the world womrat. Gargantua told me what your kind is capable of. I hope you choke on your pellets.
Womrat: *Squeak squeak squeak*
Alba: Yeah, tell it to the judge.
Cornflower Chimeree: BJ! I'm so glad you're here. Listen, I've been dating Zucchini Food for awhile now, but I can't tell if he's interested in getting serious or not. I want you to do a little investigating and see if he's planning to propose.
BJ: I don't know Cornie. A man's readiness to commit to the right woman is not something that can be rushed.
Cornflower: I'm not asking you to talk him into it, silly. I just want to know if there is any evidence that I should be shopping for a white gown or not.
BJ wasn't thrilled with the prospect, but since we still have a long way to go to reach that 35 case mark, I made him do it anyway.
BJ: Let's see, several utility bills, some junk mail, and a receipt for a diamond ring! Hmm, says he bought it several days ago, but if that's the case why hasn't he given it to Cornflower? Wait a sec, what's this?
BJ: A Pick Pork promotional brochure? Why those oinkers! How dare they distribute political materials through the mail! I'll tell Mom and see if she can pass a bill to stop this sort of nonsense.
BJ: But back to my case, since I'm illegally searching Zucchini's mail, I might as well search his garbage too.
BJ: Blech. That sure does stink. But I did find the remains of a nice bouquet. Looks like he got cold feet. Of course, after meeting Cornflower, I can certainly understand...
Kermit: Hey Budgie! Do you remember when I went over to Monte Stormcaller's house after school the other day?
Kermit: Well, his crazy older brother Sergio was visiting and he taught us some pick up lines. Sergio says these are guaranteed to get a reaction out of your heart's desire, so I was wondering...
Budgie: Wondering what?
Kermit: Well, can I try one out on you?
Budgie: *giggles* Sure. Go for it.
Kermit: Do you work at Subway? Because you’re giving me a foot-long.
Budgie: *after laughing till her sides hurt* Kermit, do me a favor?
Kermit: Anything for you, Budgie. You know that.
Budgie: Don't ever listen to anything Sergio Stormcaller tells you ever again, OK?
Kermit: OK, but why? Did you not like my pick up line?
Budgie: Honestly, it was awful, but you don't need any pick up lines for me.
Kermit: I don't?
Budgie: No, because you already have my heart.
And some pictures don't need captions, eh?
Aki: Thank you Handler. I think I have sufficiently proved that I am awesome all on my own, and never needed your help.
Well, I wouldn't go that far. But I am impressed that you met your LTW of becoming an international super spy without my wrangling. If I were playing for points, I'd totally claim that one.
BJ: Ok BJ, you can do this. She's a pushy broad, and she might not like the information you have for her, but this is just another case. If she takes a swing, I'll just swing back, chivalry be damned.
BJ: So you see, Cornie, it looks like Zucchini was thinking about popping the question, but then got cold feet. My suggestion is that you don't push him. Let him make the decision for himself, and eventually you'll get what you want.
Cornflower: *nodding* Uh huh. So, you're saying he'll propose soon. Excellent!
Cornflower: I'm sure all he needs is some subtle nudges to get him going. Maybe if show up for our next date in my wedding gown?
BJ: She didn't hear a word I said. Ah well, case closed, but I sure do feel sorry for Zucchini.
Sim!Lisa: *drools* Soooo hungry....
Moss Chimeree: Must...have....food....
Cocaine: Oh, this hot dog is absolutely delicious. *nom nom nom*
Sim!Lisa: *continues to drool*
Seriously? These two are outside the RESTAURANT and instead of feeding themselves, they prefer to watch Cocaine nosh on his hot dog. I kind of wondered if Moss and Lisa were about to turn into zombies or some such, and that maybe the food they truly wanted was inside Cocaine's head. But alas, it was not to be. *Sniffle* I miss my zombies.
Janna: *farts loudly* Whew! That was an awesome barking spider. Ghost!Brad would be so proud.
Don't you think making that much noise might scare off the critters you are hunting?
Janna: Haven't you ever heard of stink bait?
Janna: See? I found a critter right after. The stench draws them in.
If you say so. I messed up the timing of the picture a bit, so you can't see what she caught (I think it was a lizard of some type), but it was important to document this because....
That was the last minor pet we needed to fulfill the Zoologist LTW! Hooray! It is done and over!
And to celebrate, I made her set each and every one of them free.
Janna: *wipes away a tear* Farewell pygmy hedgehog. I enjoyed the time we had together, but it is time for us to part. I send you back into the wilds! May you have a brilliant life, find a nice female hedgehog to settle down with, and produce many offspring.
She cried after she freed each one...and I had to watch it...20 flipping times.
Budgie: So you see...*puff* Kermit...*huff pant*...exercising is an important *pant pant* aspect of every sim's life. *wipes sweat from brow* Unless you don't mind looking like the Stay-Puft Marshmallow man.
Hey! That's rude! I like the Stay-Puft marshmallow man.
Kermit: *looking fierce* No marshmallows here. *grunt*
Alba: Hey there son. Let me take a moment of your time.
BJ: Ok Dad, what can I do for you?
Alba: Your brother Buzz sent over pictures of their wee one Chewink. Isn't he adorable?
BJ: Well, yeah. Wee ones are always adorable.
Alba: I'm glad you agree. Your mother and I are getting a bit concerned that perhaps you have forgotten the responsibility you have to the Byrd family. So allow me to remind you. You need to give us grandkids! As soon as possible! Your mother is dying to have something to cuddle.
BJ: I know, Dad. The wedding is on Saturday. I'll take care of ... things on the honeymoon.
And just to prove that the Handler doesn't lie, here is a picture of the happy mother Heather, and the first born of the 'c' generation, Chewink!
Alba: Hmmm, I'm sure I followed his directions exactly. I best let him know there's an issue with his formulation.
Alba: Hey Buzz. Thanks for giving us some of your highly experimental laundry detergent concentrate to try, but I think you need to keep working on it. Yes, I followed the directions exactly and used only two drops, but the washing machine is spewing so many suds it looks like it has rabies. Yeah, the repairman is definitely my next phone call.
BJ: Hi Amanda. I've been looking all over you.
Sim!Amanda: Oh, hello there BJ. Look, if this about the face that keeps appearing at your window peeping into your house...I know nothing about that, and anyone who says different is a dirty liar.
BJ: No, I'm not here to question you about that. We all know your obsession with Byrd men. I've just come from talking to my new sister-in-law. Her engagement ring is missing. I dusted for fingerprints and found yours. Can you tell me how your fingerprints got into her house?
Amanda: Of course I can. Heather invited me over for coffee yesterday. We sat at her dining room table and had a wonderful chat. Didn't she tell you?
BJ: No, she neglected to give me that information.
Amanda: It must have slipped her mind. You know how absent-minded one can get from lack of sleep with a newborn in the house.
I'm starting to think that Heather isn't nearly as nice as she led me to believe.
Sim!Garg: Buzz married a dirty lying tramp! I must put that to music.
Sure simself, you go right on ahead.
BJ: Hello Heather. Can you tell me why you failed to mention the fact that you had coffee with Amanda the day your ring disappeared?
Heather: *giggles nervously* Did I? Oh yeah, I guess I did. Silly me, it totally slipped my mind.
BJ: Really? Then perhaps you can also tell me why I found the ring you claimed you lost stuffed into a laundry hamper?
Heather: Frammit! You are a much better detective than I thought.
Heather: Look, everyone knows about Amanda's obsession with Byrd men. I was afraid she'd take a liking to Buzz, and we just got married! I didn't want any competition so I thought it would get her out of the picture if she was in jail.
BJ: *sighs* Heather, you can't go around framing people for crimes they did not commit. You are in the law enforcement profession for plumbob's sake. You should know better.
Heather: I know. I was weak! Can we keep this to ourselves? No harm no foul?
BJ: Only if you tell Buzz what you did. You really don't have anything to fear from Amanda. Buzz would never leave you. So talk it over with him, and apologize to Amanda, and I won't ruin your career.
And one more case down. Only 500 more to go (or so it seems). *cries*
Janna: I wonder if the pancakes would cook faster if I shoved the pan in the microwave.
Cole: I wouldn't do that, dear. The metal would cause a fire.
Janna: Is that so? I wondered why I never saw that technique used on the cooking show.
Janna: A fire the day before I get married wouldn't be a good thing.
Cole: No it certainly wouldn't. Have you looked at the weather forecast for tomorrow? We want good weather for such a big day.
Janna: The weather dude said we would have ample amounts of sunshine tomorrow...
Janna: ...but with my luck it will probably be cloudy and raining.
Let's hope not! After all Eaxis has not provided us with weather yet. So tune in next time when the heir finally gets married! Will their union be successful and produce the next heir? Of course! Will there be some wacky hijinxs at the wedding? Most likely. And will the marriage of Buzz and Heather Byrd survive? Join me next time to find out. Until then, Happy Simming!