Welcome back to the Byrds! Last time, Kermit and Budgie got engaged, and we learned that not only does Kermit wish to be an amphibious pirate, but he also thinks they should have bubblegum cake at the wedding. Chick and Camilla worked hard to conquer Miss Piggy's latest scheme, and with a little bit of science combined with a bit of magic, Camilla finally aged. Dodge Secksie was arrested for indecent exposure, and Janna still worries about the encroaching signs of aging.

Curtis: Thanks for meeting me out here on the street, BJ. If anyone sees me talking to you, I'm a dead man.

BJ: No worries, dude. Now what info do you have for me?

Curtis: I don't know. Are you sure I can trust you?

BJ: Of course you can! Can't you see my shiny halo?

Curtis: Alright then. I sometimes frequent Fangtasia and the last time I was there I overheard some folks wearing Pick Pork shirts talking about unleashing something in the water supply.

BJ: Did they say What?

Curtis: No, but they were laughing about it, and it wasn't a nice laugh.

BJ: That's horrible! I've heard them laugh before and it sounds like a donkey in heat!

Curtis: No kidding man.

BJ: Well, don't worry dude. You did the right thing coming to me. We'll take care of it.

Back at La Hacienda Byrd, now that the two dead residents have found one another again, the living Byrds are finding that no room in the residence is safe.

Cole: Hey there Honey Bun. Want to help me break in the boy's room?

Brad: You never need ask, Snickerdoodle.

Bittern, I see you've created another wonderful sculpture. What do you call this one?

Bittern: Get a Grip.

Ah. Very...appropriate.

Budgie? You forgot your shoes.

Budgie: No I didn't. I'm dressed for the part. I've got a bit role on a new TV show called Stranded! We're the survivors of a pirate attack at sea.

Pirates? Sea? Kermit must be thrilled.

Minion Proprietor: Welcome everyone to the very first sim fest in Volcano Cove! I hope you will applaud with me as we welcome the very finest local talent to the stage!

Garg: Woohoo! This is awesome! I'm loving this show already. I'm so glad I skipped work to come here instead.

Geobe: *gives a half-hearted clap* Dear, I'm not really sure why you are so excited...

Geobe: There isn't anyone on the stage.

Sabrina: I fail to see what all the excitement is about. Why are all those people cheering for an empty stage?

I have no idea.

Sabrina: Maybe if I look at the things from another angle?

Garg: Come on, honey. You've got to use your imagination! Once you tap into that, this sim fest is totally awesome!

Geobe: *laughing and clapping* I'm starting to see what you mean, sweetheart!

Sabrina: Heh, she does have a point. *starts to dance along to the non-existent music* This is kinda fun.

After awhile my visuals finally caught up to the game engine and revealed a magician!

Fidel Hubbard: And now, watch and be amazed as I magically make birds appear.

I guess rubber duckies count.

Fidel: Why me? Why does nothing I do go right?

Beats me, but when he set himself on fire, I was greatly entertained. Turns out I wasn't the only one.

Chick: *laughing* That was fantastic! Especially when he set himself on fire. I liked it so much that I've made a decision.

Oh yeah? What's that?

Chick: I'm going to be a Master Magician when I grow up.

Minion Ice Cream Man: Kermit? I heard you graduated today. Congrats! And since you weren't standing by the road when I pulled up in the ice cream protection vehicle, I thought I'd get out and ask if you wanted any frozen treats in person.

Kermit: Er, thanks, but I don't really want any ice cream at the moment.

Floyd Carmichael: What is that cretin wearing?

Minion Ice Cream Man: *adjusts his hat* What? This? Well, Akepa didn't give us any guidelines for Secret Service attire. Is there something wrong with it?

Floyd: Handler save me from morons with no fashion sense.

Floyd is kinda handsome, even if he is a jerk.

BJ: Hellloooo? Anyone home? I want some ice cream!

Sammi: *in really horrible clothing* Sabrina! Please tell me the rumor I just heard about you isn't true! Say it ain't so!

Sabrina: What are you talking about?

Sammi: Go on, Geobe. Tell her.

Geobe: Eh? What? I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention. I was practicing my 'hold a drink and look sexy pose'. What did I miss?

Sammi: Geobe, go home to your wife, you goob. Sabrina, people are saying that you're... that you've.... that you are dating Leroy Secksie!

Sabrina: Oh. That. It really is too bad that what goes on in Story Progression doesn't stay in Story Progression.

Poor Sabrina.

Chick: Budgie, it seems that Great Grandma and Great Grandpa are smushing together their ectoplasm all the time. Do you think that means we'll have ghost babies in the house soon?

Budgie: What? Oh, um, I don't really think it works like that.

Chick: Oh. Then do you know if ghost babies actually need shoes? Cause I'm thinking they wouldn't on account of being able to fly everywhere.

Budgie: I don't know. why are you asking me all these questions?

Who can blame her for being curious? It is a law in the Byrd universe, I think, that where one finds Brad, one will find Cole there as well.

Beth: You guys better watch out, cause tonight sweet little Beth is cutting loose!

When I decided to have a bachelorette party for Beth, I had no idea she was going to turn into a monster.

Jess: I'm sick of seeing you wearing that wedding dress, Julie. It ain't going to happen, so give it up. Here, let me help you take that first step. *sploosh*

Julie: No! Not the dress! It has to be spotless for my future wedding day.

Minion Bartender: I don't know why they stuck me back here. My guns are just as big as the strippers...

Aki: There is nothing more pathetic than a man who thinks he's handsome when he clearly is not. Right girls?

Akepa: You said it, sis.

Jess: There you go, Julie. A free man. And you in your wedding dress. Why don't you go make a move?

Julie: Yeah, even I'm not that desperate.

On a completely unrelated note, Aki has aged into an elder with a horrid hairstyle. I'll have to fix that.

Sammi: OK everyone, gather round.

Sammi: We all know why we are here tonight...

Jess: To see the strippers!

Julie: Strippers? Where?

Sammi: It is time to wish Beth all the best as she embarks on her new life with Bittern. Good luck with being a Byrd. From what I hear, you'll need it.

Sarah: Hi there readers. I'm Sarah, author of the Food Family Legacy, and I'm here to ask for your help. I'm desperate to have my offspring marry into the Byrd family, so please, if you have any in your game, consider sending them in the direction of my children. The Handler in this game is entirely too picky and I'm not having much luck. I promise we will all be Peace and Chicken Greasers forever. Thank you.

Sammi: *evil giggle* I know just what you need Julie...

Sammi: ...and that's another soaking of that wedding dress!

Beth: Eeek!

Julie: *sigh* It just isn't my night.

Heather: Oh good, Aki. I'm glad to see the Handler fixed you. You just didn't look like yourself.

Aki: I know. Having my trademark hairstyle is much better.

Sammi: Outta the way! I've got to pee!

Sarah: And another thing Garg, I think Beth de Luca is a gorgeous girl and will make very pretty babies. So if you wanted to marry in one of my family to their children, I wouldn't object. And if you won't do it, you should offer her as a download so maybe someone else will.

I hear ya, Sarah.

Julie: Can you believe Sarah? She should know by now that it is pointless to ask the Handler for anything.

Jess: *laughing* I know. It's sad, right?

Jack Hammer: Boo! When the fire station got the call that there was a party on fire that needed to stoked, I rushed to answer only to find that there is no fire here.

Jack: I'll just have to change that.

Julie: The stripper! He's here! I need to move in fast lest someone else snatch him before I can.

Some people were less than impressed with the entertainment.

Garg: Pfft. I've got better waiting for me at home. Grilled cheesy goodness on the other hand, oh baby!

Despite the fact that Beth spent all her time chatting up Jack Hammer, the party was still a failure. I don't know why I keep throwing these things, but as you will see shortly, I apparently haven't learned my lesson.

Everyone meet Waggles, the first Byrd dog. Buzz adopted him. I knew there was a reason I liked that boy.

Sergio: Look Mom. I can be cute and cuddly too.

Sorry Sergio. It just isn't the same. As my astute readers no doubt guessed, Sergio is in a nightclub...because I threw another bachelor party. *hangs head in shame*

Rob Keher: Hey guys. It is a pleasure to be invited to party with you guys, but... You didn't invite Stone, did you?

Rob is in the middle of some name-calling feud with Stone Moss. Stone called Rob a llama-brained gnome herder and Rob called Stone a poopy-head. There is little doubt who will win the feud.

Brady: Poopy-head? Really? Can't he come up with something more creative?

Kermit: If it had been me, I would have told him he smelled like an ogre's armpit.

Brady: You do know that ogre's don't exist, right?

So even though Stone was not invited, they did invite someone else.

Geobe: I do not like the looks of this place.

Geobe: It screams vampire.

Welcome to Fangtasia, dear. Have a good time.

Geobe: Come on out vampires. I know you're hiding in here.

Kermit: You don't think Geobe would actually kill anyone at my party, do you?

Lawrence: Certainly not. There's rules and things...right?

Buzz: The carpet is red, so I can't tell if this spot is actually a bloodstain.

Buzz: No matter. If Geobe does make a mess we can just stick him with the cleaning bill.

Kermit: I'm just going to drink my lemonade and mind my own business.

Buzz: You can't do that!

Buzz: It's time for the toast! Let us all wish Kermit the best of luck as he prepares to marry my sister.

Lawrence: Trust me, boy. When you marry into the Byrds, you'll need all the luck you can get.

Eartha Moved: That guy over there is a real dork. I'm over here dancing and he's not paying a bit of attention.

Like mother, like son.

Sergio: It says right here, Rob, that the best insults are taken from the dwarven culture of fantasy realms gone by. Apparently, their prolific beards contributed to their ability to design creative insults.

Rob:Er...really.

Kermit: Thanks for hosting my bachelor party, Buzz. It was a lot of fun, though I expected to see at least one pirate.

Buzz: I tried to hire pirates just for you, but there were none available.

Kermit: That't too bad. I wonder where BJ got off to?

BJ: *hic*

I must admit to more than a little frustration over the 'Solve 35 cases' lifetime wish. It is INTERMINABLE! But BJ and I are almost there, and I am determined to finish. Which means there was a lot of riding around in the chicken mobile...

And admiring the scenery.

Beth: I'm not sure dear. That tool Geobe gave you looks pretty dangerous to me. And what if we have children? How can you possibly hold a baby?

Bittern: Not to worry, Buttercup. Now that I've gotten over the pain of having a spike in my hand, I now feel as if it is an extension of my body. I barely notice it is there anymore, and now I'm always prepared to do battle with the denizens of the night.

Beth: Uh huh. You just stabbed yourself in the thigh again, didn't you?

Bittern: ....maybe....

Beth: We are getting rid of it. You can carry your anti-vampire kit in a bag like a normal person.

Bittern: Well, it does get in the way of my sculpting...

Cardinal: *CHEEP*

That is one angry looking bird. Probably because his food dish is empty. Oh Tabitha! Feed your bird!

Monte Stormcaller: Oh my plumbob. Is that who I think it is?

Monte: It IS! BJ Byrd is headed this way! What will I do? What should I say?

It is kind of silly to panic over seeing someone you've known since you were born.

...and a minute later...

Monte: Hey BJ. How're you doing?

BJ: Just fine, Monte. Good to see you.

The mediocrity makes my teeth hurt.

So what is BJ doing out and about (besides solving cases)? Surveillance.

Buzz: OK Canary. We have to be very quiet so your Mom doesn't know we're following her.

Buzz: We have to be sure that Heather has learned her lesson and isn't intending to frame anyone else. *inhales deeply* But oh, that young'un smell is distracting....

I suppose Buzz could be eating her brains. Nom nom nom. Maybe baby brains are more tender?

BJ: Buzz! Are you eating your child's brains?

Buzz: What? Don't be silly. I'm out here following my wife, making sure she isn't getting into trouble...or causing it.

BJ: Yeah? Where is she?

Buzz: She's right...*looks around* Chicken Poop!

Baby brains must really be distracting. And on that cannibalistic note, we will end this chapter. Will we discover what Heather is up to? Will the Handler stop throwing bachelor parties? Will BJ meet his *@#! lifetime wish? Will Buzz eat all his children? And just what are the Pick Porkers planning? To find out, tune in next time. Until then, happy simming!


Category: The Byrds