Welcome back to the Byrds! Last time we learned that the Pick Porkers are up to no good, that BJ is taking forever to complete his lifetime wish, and that Chickadee is starting to ask uncomfortable questions. Buzz has taken to following his wife around town, and possibly eating his children, while Geobe has indoctrinated Bittern into the way of the vampire slayer.

We begin this chapter with Tabitha poking at Janna's weakness with a large pointy stick.

Tabitha: *laughing* Don't think I don't see that new wrinkle by your eye, Janna. No amount of makeup will hide it. You're getting old!

Janna: Don't push me old woman.

I suppose with Tabitha unable to fight with Cole's ghost all that often, she's decided she needs a new "sparring" partner.

Camilla: How's it coming, Chickie? I really wanna be reals! Really!

Chick: I've been blown up so many times, I'm starting to feel like fried chicken. But don't worry, Camilla! I refuse to give up.

Blackbird: Starla, why are you standing on my front porch?

Sim!Starla: I'm doing a tour of the neighborhood and telling everyone that I'm pregnant. I'm going to have the Dodge Secksie's baby!

I, for one, fail to see why anyone would want to advertise that fact.

Starla: *evil laugh* Because it is all part of my plan to take over the world!

Stray dog: Been there, done that in another life. Trust me. It ain't all its cracked up to be.

Starla: Maybe not, but Akepa is the Leader in Volcano Cove. All I have to do is persuade her that my cause is just and will lead to ultimate good.

Stray dog: I'd toss in chicken, too.

Starla: Good point.

Blackbird: Cousin BJ, does she really think this will work?

BJ: As I understand it, pregnancy hormones do strange things to women. Maybe she just isn't thinking very clearly.

Blackbird: Or maybe she's just a dumbbell.

BJ: That wasn't very nice, Blackbird.

Blackbird: You're right, BJ. Would it be more tactful if I said that she's a few tomatoes short of a vegetable garden?

BJ: Infinitely more tactful!

BJ: Brady! I'm so glad I ran into you. I've got concerns about little Blackbird. She seems to...hmm, how should I put this...be hanging out with Aunt Aki too much. Her tongue is becoming quite sharp.

Brady: Tell me something I don't know.

BJ: Don't you think you should get Akepa to reign her in a bit? Perhaps limit the time she spends with Aki?

Brady: Handler, is he serious? I married a Byrd woman. That should tell him how little control I have over my own household.

I know dear. Just allow him his delusions. It is easier that way.

Brady: Sure BJ. I'll see what I can do...which will be sod all.

BJ: Of course I'll find your missing flamingo, Grant. I'm desperate to solve every case I can in order to meet my lifetime wish. But, don't you think you should ask me to find something a bit more vital to your well-being than a pink flamingo?

Grant: More vital? Like what?

BJ: Like maybe your feet?

Grant: I don't know. I've been getting around pretty well on the stubs of my ankles for awhile now...

Sim!Elissa: And I thought the Derps had some screws loose...

BJ: Well, let me know if you change your mind about the feet thing...

BJ: ...I have a good idea that I know just the person to help me solve that case.

Garg: Yeah, you're right, BJ. Missing feet is a Handler issue, but you know what? If Grant doesn't mind bloody stubs and Amanda isn't pestering me to fix it, I can't be arsed.

Sergio: Yeah! Why are you bothering Mom about such silly issues like missing feet? She's the Handler. She has super important work to do! ...

Sergio: Like making sure everyone in Volcano Cove has access to the gumball machine!

BJ: I concede your point, Sergio. Yummy gumballs are completely more important than feet!

Seeing the amount of joy sims get from this thing makes me giggle. Especially considering it's full of gumballs that will lose their flavor three minutes after you start chewing. And Kermit wants a cake made with these in the batter? Sounds like a choking hazard to me.

Everyone say hello to the lovely Larissa Chimeree. She is notable because I got a popup that said she was marrying Barbet. She's either completely in love or very brave to agree to marry into Aki's line of Byrds.

Larissa: I'm going to say it was option C. Too drunk to say no.

That works.

Another notable in the community is Denny Progressive-Fizzle, who works at the food counter in the community center...in his underwear.

Denny: I don't know why you are complaining, Handler. At least I color coordinated.

Denny: It isn't my fault I overslept and had to run here in my underwear just to ensure the center opened on time.

You work at the food counter, Denny. Why don't you eat something? Starving to death isn't a good way to go.

Denny: I did! But for some reason, my pancakes didn't do anything to fill my belly.

It was at this point that my spidey-sense started going off.

Denny: No amount of food seems to fill my rumbly belly.

Stray cat: Mine either.

Hmmm. Well maybe the issue will right itself?

Canary: *giggles* You should know better than that, Garg. After all, weren't you the one who put all the foreshadowing in the previous chapter?

Chewink: How long have been standing here, Barbet?

Barbet: I'm not really sure, but several hours at least.

Chewink: And how low has your hunger bar gotten?

Barbet: Not bottomed out yet, but getting close.

Frammit! *RESETSIM* What the frill is going on? It's like there is some disturbance in the force or something.

Camilla: I don't mean to rush you Chickie, but word on the street is that the apocalypse is coming. I'll be better able to help you fight it if I'm really reals.

Chick: Give me just a minute...

Chick: ...because I'm almost done.

Camilla: Finally! *chugs down the liquid*

Camilla: It tasted like bananas, but feels like I've eaten way too many beans.

Chick: Try to hold still, Camilla. I want to get a picture of this important moment!

Camilla: *Gasps in wonder* I've got an actual physical form. With shoulders! I love shoulders! Thanks so much Chick!

Camilla: Now, let's get down to the business of making those Pick Porkers suffer.

Chick: *gulp*

So Camilla is a Light Sleeper, a Mooch, and Evil. Not the Byrd brand of mild misbehaving so long as it is for a good cause kind of evil, but full-force, 100% pure evil. I'm actually a little intimidated.

Camilla: Now, I know the Byrds have been hesitant to take the fight with those nasty Porkers to the next level, but now that I'm here, all that's going to change. War is like a chess game - all about strategy. First thing to do is assess our strengths. What advantages do we have?

Chick: Well, to start with, my Great Aunt Akepa is Leader of the criminal underworld. I think she's kinda worried right now, though. Seems the Porkers slipped something into the water supply and it is causing all kinds of chaos.

I know what you're thinking, but no. Even though this little fellow claims allegiance to the Porkers, I don't think that even they would go so far as to purposefully mess up his features this badly.

Trevor: Hey!

No, this is just the result of mixing your genetics with Max Derp. He is the progeny of Sim!Elissa with her own creation.

Trevor: You just wait, Handler. The Pick Porkers are going to get you yet!

Micheala: It's a bad idea to provoke the Handler, Trevor.

And this is what we get when we mix Elissa's genetics with resident clueless vampire, Eric Northman. It really does seem that the end might be nigh,eh?

Gypsykate: You know, I thought the four harbingers of the apocalypse arrived on horseback, not the maternity ward!

Starla: What are you talking about Gypsy? I only came down here because it said on the news that this was the place to come if you were planning to starve to death.

Starla: Oh! So that's what you meant.

Gypsy: Told you.

And now we can add the progeny of Dodge Secksie to the mix.

Camilla: Over this chess board, I swear allegiance with Chicken Grease and Blood, to you, Great Emissary of the Chicken Sensei, the Godfather Grandfather of all things Peace and Chicken Grease!

Alba: Thank you Camilla, but I don't think we need to go so far as to mix blood in the Chicken Grease. It taints the stock you see. Why don't you just join us for our next ceremony instead?

Camilla: I can do that. But are you sure we can't have a little bit of blood?

Alba: I don't think...

Camilla: Maybe just a smidge? From a Pick Porker? I'll even volunteer to get it myself.

Alba: I'm going to have my hands full with you, aren't I young lady?

Yeah, I kinda think we all are.

Brad: Cream Puff, have you managed to work the camera in your ghostly form yet? I've tried, but my fingers just sink through the thing and I can't click the shutter.

Cole: No, I'm afraid not Cocoa Puff. I think we might have to allow the fleshy Byrds take the pictures of this momentous occasion for us.

Brad: Awww, shucks!

Camilla: So why are the ghost brigade in such a furor tonight?

Chick: Because tonight is my badging ceremony.

Chick: I have fulfilled all the requirements of joining the Chicken Scouts and am being awarded my Byrd-Heir Chicken Sensei badge tonight.

Camilla: That's great! How about we celebrate afterwards by finding a Pick Porker and beating him to a pulp?

Chick: Hurry up, Dad! I don't want to be late!

BJ: I'm right behind you, Dumpling. Be careful not to step in that bit of nastiness over there.

Alba: That's not a bad warning, Pumpkin. You should watch where you put those sexy boots.

Alba: Once you step in someone's remains, you can never scrub hard enough to rub out the stain.

The pile of ash on the ground there is the remains of someone named Virgina Bills. Unfortunately, I was starting to find these sorts of piles everywhere.

BJ: I'm very proud of you, Chick. You performed the naked chicken grease dance like a pro. You completely deserved your Chicken Sensei badge.

Chick: Thanks Dad. I appreciate the hug, but do you mind getting your face out of my brain? It hurts.

Chick: So, Aunt Akepa says that her people have isolated the ingredient that was dumped into the water supply. It is some sort of radioactive iso-something or other that was engineered to only target Peace and Chicken Greasers.

Camilla: Yes, she sent me the atomic makeup. I'm attempting to devise an antidote.

And even though the population of Volcano Cove is slowly dying off, BJ is still out there trying to reach his LTW.

BJ: Hmmm, yes. I can easily detect that you have fingerprints on the ends of your fingers. But the bigger issue might be that you should find a way to unfreeze yourself.

Dionysus Chimeree: ....

BJ: In fact, we've already seen several instances where people who were frozen dissolved into a pile of ash after a decent lapse of time.

Dionysus: ....

BJ: Well, thanks for the case completed point. Still trying to reach that LTW, you know. Good luck!

Camilla: Yes, use that science, Chick!

Chick: Would you mind keeping the evil laughter down a bit, Camilla? This is delicate work and I really don't want to blow myself up again.

Camilla: What? Oh, of course. Sorry. Sometimes the evil just gets away from me.

*Hours later*

Camilla: Well? Did it work? I re-engineered the molecule so it would target the Pick Porkers instead of the Chicken Greasers.

Chick: Everything came out A-OK. All we have to do is dump it into the resevoir and voila!

*Several hours after that*

Camilla: Well gentlemen, it appears our plan has failed. In fact, the addition of our formula into the water supply appears to have sped up the process, and I predict we don't have long until utter annihilation.

Alba: This isn't good.

BJ: Not at all. It appears we need to enact Emergency Protocol Chicken One.

Alba: Fine, but not until Crane has her birthday.

Brad: I'll agree to that! Woohoo! Cake!

Alba: Don't get too excited, Dad. I doubt there will be time for cake.

Brad: Awwww.

Alba: There you go, honey. Blow!

And here we have the final product. Crane is disciplined, eccentric, and now has the photographer's eye.

And with that, it was time to move to a new neighborhood. I packed up all the Byrds and the Eternals and moved to Moonlight Falls. As the casualty rate in Volcano Cove was so high, I dropped new copies of most folks into the hood. The children of the apocalypse did not get moved over. As far as we are concerned, they never existed.

BJ: This mobile home certainly looks very...festive.

Yes, but you don't have time to explore. You're going to be late if you don't hurry.

Because one of my first acts in the new neighborhood was to hold a long overdue wedding. This is the Cherished Hearts wedding chapel, and it is quite beautiful. I added the transparent wedding rug so I could use the backdrop here without adding an arch. The lot also has an outdoor venue.

Beth: Are you ready Bittern? I have to admit to having a stomach full of butterflies.

Bittern: What's there to be worried about? The world isn't about to implode and we're still surrounded by our family and friends.

Beth: You're right dear, but I know your family...

Beth: ...and something always seems to go wrong.

Blackbird: Aunt Aki, will you sit down? The ceremony is about to start.

Aki: In a minute. There's something intriguing about this painting.

Aki finally planted her butt in a chair and there cermony commenced.

Bittern: With this ring, I thee wed, in sickness and health, in richer or poorer, and even in death and undeath.

Beth: Oh Bittern, I knew you loved me, but to pledge your fealty even if something horrible happens and I turn into an undead creature you are sworn to destroy...nothing could state your true feelings clearer.

Beth and Bittern: *Mushy kisses*

I think I might have to brush my teeth after all this.

Bittern: Stand back, wife. Geobe himself sharpened this cake server. If I'm not careful, I might cut the table in half.

Beth: I'm more worried about your thumb.

Grant: Thanks for nothing, BJ. My precious pink flamingo got destroyed with the rest of Volcano Cove. I'll just steal your piece of cake for restitution.

BJ: *turns head* You no longer exist to me, Grant. My new rule in life is to never speak...

BJ: ...to people with no feet.

Crane: What are you doing? I was going to have a piece of that.

Camilla: Nope. Sorry. All your cake is mine.

Crane: Not fair!

Camilla tried to eat the entire cake, I think. Everytime I saw her, she was grabbing another piece. But don't worry. The Handler made sure Crane got a piece.

Beth: This is different from our normal dancing. It's nice.

Bittern: It certainly is.

This was the first time I had the opportunity to try out the new 'slow dance' option. It IS very nice. Now the married couple can actually have a first dance that doesn't resemble something they should be doing in the bedroom instead of on the dance floor.

so then I had to try it out with Alba and Tabitha....

...and BJ and Janna. *Sighs happily*

Sim!Sarah: *moans*

Sim!Rob: Sweetheart? You don't sound so good. Did you catch a cold during the move?

Sarah: *groan*

I didn't wait to see if Sarah was hungry. Wasn't sure I could stand watching her nosh on her own husband.

Gnome Muppet Brigade: Handler, we think you should look over there.

Sim!Starla: *moan* Where Byrds...Tasty Byrds...

LOL!I'm thinking Geobe is going to have to step up his extermination efforts.

But allow me to end this chapter on a very happy note. BJ FINISHED HIS LTW!!!! He can now enter the political arena and begin conquering Moonlight Falls in the name of Peace and Chicken Grease! And as an additional aside, I didn't dress him. That's the uniform for the political career. LOL!

BJ: Don't laugh at my attire. I find it stylish, emo hair swoop and all.

And that, dear friends, is where we shall leave you. Join us next time where we discover if the Handler kills herself with laughter over BJ's work outfit and all the zombies. What nefarious plans will Camilla hatch in a brand new, untouched world? The mind shudders to think. Until next time, Happy Simming!


Category: The Byrds