Welcome back to the Byrds, where we strive for Peace and Chicken Grease for the People! Last time Cole was testing her mind control device with some interesting results. We had a lot of birthdays, Albatross officially proposed to Tabitha Webb, and Aki really set her heart on Lawrence Lum. The Byrds upgraded their house and found a laundry gnome named Fozzie who tells really bad jokes leaving Flatulence to up his game.
But before we get into today's tale, I have an announcement. Due to popular demand (OK, so it was really one person, but it makes me feel popular so I'm totally counting it. Don't judge me!) I have started a Download A Byrd page, because we all know that a Byrd in the hand is worth two in the bush!
But on to the story! Today, we open with a wedding - Byrd style.
Alba:Tabitha honey, I know you said to leave all the wedding preparations to you, but what possessed you to hire Sim!Amanda (Deviouslyvivid) to provide the music?
Tabitha: She came up to me in the middle of the street the other day and offered her services for free. Don't you like it?
Alba: I suppose it is alright, but combined with Aki holding a conversation right behind us, it is a tad distracting.
It was, too. The guests seemed to be divided: those who wanted to watch the wedding, and those who chose to watch Sim!Amanda.
Aki: Yeah, painting is kind of lame. That's why we all possess the Photographer's Eye trait. Cameras are way better.
Alba: Tabitha, my HoneyBun, I promise to love you and cherish you for as long as we both shall live.
Tabitha: What was that, dear? I can't hear you over the drumbeat.
Alba: TABITHA, MY HONEYBUN, I PROMISE TO LOVE YOU...
And even with all the noise, the two of them got hitched and Tabitha Webb became Tabitha Byrd.
The excitement was nearly uncontainable.
Aki: So my brother married a tart. I'm thrilled, can't you tell?
Denim: This is an awful wedding. Even the music is horrible.
See the bass in the back? Corbin Boudreaux decided to provide Sim!Amanda with some accompaniment.
And as an interesting aside, Denim later married his creator, Sim!Mariah. He is handsome and all, but it still seems a little hinky to me.
Not everyone was so cynical about the marriage.
Minion Postal: *wipes a tear from his eye as he hides in the bushes* Weddings are so romantic. I wonder if I will ever find true love.
I doubt you will find it hiding in the bushes.
And then to ensure the wedding was a complete farce, Sim!NKaty (who is married to Sim!JFizzle) went into labor.
Sim!Jeselyn and Denim: Where is Corbin! He will know what to do!
Minion Postal: If she's having a baby, maybe they will call an ambulance. I accidentally put my arm through this guy's chest, and we might need it.
Akepa: Boo to having babies in the park!
Lawrence: How distasteful.
NKaty: This is a wonderful party. I'm having so much fun, but why is everyone staring at me?
NKaty: Oh! That's why they are staring. I'm having a baby. What fun!
Aki: Leave it to Alba to throw the lamest wedding party ever.
Lawrence: Hey look! A penny. I'll have to tell Brad about my good fortune.
Akepa: Mom should have realized the Pick Pork people would try to sabotage Alba's wedding. This is a conspiracy! She should have stopped it.
Cole: Akepa dear, please move a little to the right, will you? I can't see the baby being born with you standing in front of me.
NKaty: Oh, there's the ambulance. I suppose I should go to the hospital. *giggle*
Garg: Why is it that everytime I play a party some sort of craziness ensues?
Brad: Why are you freaking out, sis? I thought it turned out alright. Hey, is that Minion Postal hanging out in the bushes? His arm looks a little bloody.
After all casualties and pregnant women were carried off the scene, the party continued.
Poison Ivy: Will all the chaos at this wedding make it hard for you to chronicle it?
Garg: No, not really. I've gotten used to playing with the hand I've been dealt. Besides, most of the readers prefer it when things go a little wonky.
Garg: And anyway, can you think of a more romantic time for Akepa to get her first kiss?
*Akepa and Brady mush noses in a clumsy first kiss*
Geobe: Trust me, Alba. If you want to get your wife in the mood, take her for chips and salsa. The heat of the salsa tends to heat up the women, if you get my drift.
Alba: Chips and salsa... I hadn't thought of that, Geobe. Thanks for the advice.
Since this was the first wedding of the first generation, I decided to splurge and send them on a honeymoon. So Alba packed up the chips and salsa and he and Tabitha headed to sim!France...
...where they wasted no time engaging in a little of the Woo and Hoo.
And while they, er, take care of business (and trust me when I say you don't want to hear the noises they are making), I will introduce you to the Llama of Oracles.
Llama: I'm a camel.
Oh. Sorry. May I present the Camel of Oracles! Tell me Oh, Oracle, will the union between Alba and Tabitha be fruitful?
Camel: *chews cud* Eh, maybe.
*Grumble* I should have stuck with the Magic 8 ball.
Tabitha: All that Wooing and Hooing sure does make a girl hungry. I'll just grab a quick bite before I run back upstairs.
Hey! Tourist man in a dress! Aren't you supposed to be out doing touristy things?
Minion Pervy Tourist: Are you kidding? The sites in town have nothing on what I'm seeing right now.
Tabitha: Zzzz Want babies Zzzz
Alba: Zzzz Punch man in dress Zzzz
They didn't spend all of their time at home base. After they christened every surface they could, I made the mistake of taking them to the nectary.
French Teen: If she scoots up in her chair just a bit more I'll be able to tell if she has any underpants on.
Tabitha: Ooooo, fruity.
I'm starting to think that her LTW is not appropriate.
Tabitha: Oh honey, I'm flattered. You are cute and all, but you're no Alba, and he's the only man for me.
See what I mean?
Random Frenchie: Geez, lady. Can't you break the kids heart somewhere else? You are blocking the nectar!
What I did not realize when I took them to the nectary was that there was a Lush convention in progress. And both Tabitha and Alba wasted little time getting into the swing of things.
Alba: *hic* Cheers!
Lush Lady: Back at ya! *slurp* You should join us Nectarites, cause its obvious you know how to knock 'em back. *BURP*
Lush Man 1: I've had so much to drink my eyesight is blurry. Maybe I can read the labels if I get real close to them.
Lush Teen: Can't she hurry it up. I've gone without a drink for 5 minutes. This is intolerable.
Lush Man 2: You ain't kidding.
Tabitha: *Oblivious* I wonder which one I should try next.
Lush Man 3: *hic* If you wanna be a proper Nectarite, you've got to keep drinkin' till it hurts. *moans* And boy does it hurt!
It is a good thing that the Nectary came equipped with a Vomitorium. These guys would drink nectar till they got sick, throw up and then go back for more. I was beginning to wonder if we were in ancient Rome instead of France.
Children were born and raised in the Nectary, never having seen the light of day. They survived on jam and bread and cereal they pulled from the fridge upstairs while their parents continued to toss back the nectar in the basement.
And then, once the child reached the teens, he joined in the vicious cycle.
It was the closest thing to Hades I've ever seen and I had to get the Byrds out of the depravity before it was too late!
So the newlyweds came home (kicking and screaming) and away from the nefarious influences of the Nectarites only to be subjected to the Godmother Grandmother Inquisition (GGI).
Cole: Glad to see that you two are back from your honeymoon. Alba, did you make a money shot in the night deposit box, perchance?
Cole: You know what I'm asking. Did you give Tabitha a three-month pass for the morning porcelain express?
Alba: Mom, I don't understand...
Cole: Oh come on, Alba. Is Tabitha exhibiting signs of man-juice infection or not?
Alba: *finally getting it* MOM!
Brad: Come on Snickerdoodle, leave the kids alone. I'm sure we will be investing in ice cream and pickle futures soon enough. Right now, let's focus on my birthday.
Cole: Today is the day my Sweet Pea gets to be as old as me! Woot!
And my founder finally reaches Elderhood. Not too bad, bro.
Brad: Come on, admit it. I am totally awesome.
I can't deny that, but I have to ask...Is it normal for your ears to grow once you are able to join VCARS (Volcano Cove Association for Retired Sims)?
Brad: Well, you know what they say about big ears...
Of course I do. Big ears usually indicate a lot of vacuous space between them. *snicker*
Tabitha: Haha! I fooled you! I totally have a bun in my oven.
I must confess that I truly thought she wasn't pregnant, that perhaps Alba was shooting blanks. So, I sent her off to work as usual, and she ran out into the street before twirling into maternity clothes.
Cole: Akepa, my dear, when I pass on I intend to bequeath to you the mind control device. With it, you can influence the opposing faction and bring Peace and Chicken Grease to the World. Are you taking notes?
Akepa: I am, Mom, but isn't the fact that we are planning to use mind control against our enemies a conspiracy in itself?
Cole: Of course it is. The only way to counteract conspiracies from the Pick Porkers is to have a better conspiracy working ourselves. Now, here is what you do...
Alba: Hi there little nooboo. When you come out of there I will teach you all about the family creed of Peace and Chicken Grease.
Tabitha: But Alba, how will you do that? You are a vegetarian.
Alba: With a chicken-like piece of tofu and chicken flavoring made from soybeans.
Tabitha: Better not let your Dad hear about that.
And now it is time for comedy with Fozzie!
Fozzie: Ok, so a guy asks me 'Did you take a bath today?' and I said 'Why? Is there one missing?'. Wocka Wocka Wocka!
Thank you for that...um, joke.
Fozzie: Anytime. I've got a million of 'em. But unless my eyes deceive me, you might want to look over there.
Tabitha: Would someone shut the bear up! The jokes aren't funny and I'm in LABOR! Alba!
Alba: I'll be with you in just a moment, Sugar Lump. I just need to jot down the list of ingredients I'll need to make a Toficken.
Tabitha: NOW, ALBA!
Aki: Have fun birthing the baby, Alba. Try not to pass out in the floor.
Alba: Shut up!
Akepa: Holy Plumbob! They are off to the hospital, Tabitha's in labor, and the news says there is a traffic jam. If they don't make it in time, Alba will have to deliver the baby. And he didn't wash his hands!!!
Contrary to Akepa's fears, they made it to the hospital in time. But where is Alba?
Tabitha: Alba ran over a few pedestrians and a couple of folks on bikes to get here. He is busy apologizing to everyone in the ER.
Ah. In that case, we won't wait for him. Everyone say hello to Bluejay.
Immediately after Bluejay was born, these two each rolled up a wish for five grandchildren. *frown*
Brad: Cinnamon Swirl, I called my sis and pleaded with her to let us have five grandkids. She is contemplating it, but we might need an alternative plan in case she says no. What do you think?
Cole: *determined stare at the Handler*
cole: You know, I've got minions stationed at the hospital. If Gargantua won't relent, we can always steal some babies.
Cole: I'm sure we would get away with it, especially once their parents see what a wonderful home they would get to live in.
Akepa: That's a horrible idea, Mom!
Cole: And I suppose you have a better plan?
Akepa: You bet! Why steal babies when you have a mind control device? We can convince parents to just give us their infants. Take Sim!NKaty for instance. She gave birth to twins when she left Alba's wedding party. She has nooboos to spare.
Brad: An excellent idea, my youngest. And if that fails, we can always vote out Garg as the Wrangler.
Akepa: Beautiful idea Dad!
Cole: I'd definitely sign on for that option.
Alba: My little Bluejay. Don't you worry. By the time you have teeth I will have perfected the Toficken recipe, so we can continue the Peace and Chicken Grease tradition, meatless style.
Bluejay is a perceptive couch potato.
Akepa: Malika, I'm convinced that the driver of the school bus is a Pick Porker. His shirt is always stained with barbeque sauce, and I just know he's looking for a weakness so the Porkers can strike against the Peace and Chicken movement.
Malika: Um, that's great and all, but I only asked what you got for problem number five.
Akepa: And you know what the vehicle is for the transmission of their evil pork plot? Chalk dust. It gets put in the air for us to inhale and the next thing you know we're buying bacon flavored chewing gum. Why is there no chicken flavored chewing gum is what I want to know. It's a conspiracy!
Malika: Yeah, OK. I'll just put down that the answer is chicken.
Brad: Hi Geobe! You are holding a rally at the park in the middle of town? I'll strip down and be right over.
Akepa: I'm watching you Aki. The first time I catch you dreaming about pork, I'm so telling Dad.
Aki: Zzzz Peace and Chicken Grease Zzzz
Hi Brad. I believe you have something to tell our readers.
Brad: I do, indeed. I look smoking with a cane.
It was at this point that I installed Generations! And yes, you do look good with a cane...
...but your wife looks even better.
Cole: My cane is not only ornamental, it contains a hidden switch for the mind control device as well. I had it custom made.
Just in case anyone was curious, Lisette Boudreaux (aka the baby factory) is still shooting them out. Here she is with a newborn, and she is already pregnant again.
Generations has some wonderful things about it, I will admit, like the bunkbeds. Double the children, but only half the space. Now we can stack our sim younglings like cordwood off in the corner where they won't be a bother.
But, Eaxis managed to completely bugger the photography skill, making it unusable. This is an error on their part which has huge implications for the Byrds!
I've searched everywhere for a solution, and have tried every suggestion offered all to no avail. And I think we all know how long we will have to wait for Eaxis to fix it (excavation bug anyone?). So now, in order to get portraits of everyone, I'm going to have to resort to the easel.
*cries* Sorry. I think you will have to give me a moment.
*sniff* Ok, I'm back now. And just in time for Bluejay's transition, it seems.
Tabitha: I'm going to age him up now. Are you guys ready?
Minion Man Maid: Are you... are you asking me?
Alba: Listen Minion, I know you just recently replaced our old Minion Man Maid, but you need to get on the ball. We expect you to do little work and join in on all the parties.
Minion Man Maid: Oh, OK. Hooray!
Akepa: Come on, Minion. You can cheer better than that. *Pfffft* Go Bluejay!
Brad: Look happy, Minion. *Pokes the Minion Man Maid in the back with his noise maker*
And I now present to you Bluejay Byrd, with lots of cuteness and crossed eyes.
As soon as Bluejay transitioned, Brad ran over to Bronx Mowgli Creeper's house, presumably to show off.
Brad: Hey Bronx. Great party. Did you know that I've got three kids and now one grandkid? Here, let me pull out the pictures.
Bronx: Erm, I don't know that I've got time to look at pictures right now, Brad. I've got party guests and stuff.
Brad: Don't be silly! Of course you have time, especially since I'm the only one who showed up to your party. Now, if you look here, this is Bluejay sitting on the potty...
Brad: For you, Honeybun. Just because I love you.
Cole: They are simply lovely, Sugar. Thank you.
Brad and Cole are such a sweet couple. I'm glad they will be staying with us for a long while. I'm going to miss them when they are gone.
Tabitha: Oh my Plumbob! Is my hair Pink? AKEPA!!
Akepa is a teen, and when the mood swing hits she wants to booby trap everything in sight. So I let her. *snicker*
And for some reason, the game keeps sending us new, but equally useless maids.
Cole: Sweetie pie, why is there a strange woman wearing practically nothing exercising in our living room?
Brad: The agency sent us over a new Minion, my Cheesecake.
Minion Maid: *pant pant* Hello! *jiggle jiggle*
Cole: Brad, my apple fritter, are you watching the new minion jiggle?
Brad: *guiltily averting his eyes* Of course not!
And here's something you don't see everyday. A street walker pushing a baby pram.
Tabitha: Don't you listen to that crazy Narrator, BJ. You Mom might be walking on the street, but she is no street walker.
BJ: Fresh air!
I don't think he cares, Tabitha. He looks happy just to be out of the house.
And with Generations we see the return of the pillow fights.
Akepa: *spitting out feathers* Brady, do you want to go to the prom with me?
Brady: Oh boy, do I ever!
*inhales a feather into his gaping maw of a mouth.*
Sure you don't want to rethink that, Akepa?
I was a little disappointed that BJ inherited his mother's hair. I was hoping the dark-hair would live in the family for a while yet. But he's such a cutie, and I got over it.
Cole: Here comes the pork tickle monster!
Cole: What do we say to banish the pig?
Aki: OK Dad, I got here as fast as I could. What is the emergency?
Brad: Oh thank goodness, Aki. I was attending a rally with Geobe and while I was demonstrating the naked chicken dance, some Pick Porker stole my pants!
Aki: *trying to hold back the laughter* Dad, since when have you worried about being naked?
Brad: It is one thing to be naked in celebration of Peace and Chicken Grease. It is something else entirely to just be streaking down the street! I could be arrested! And those Robocops like to do body cavity searches. Help me out!
Aki: *rolling on the ground with laughter* Sure thing Dad. Don't go away.
Another atendee of the rally had no trouble finding her clothes afterwards. That might have something to do with the fact that Sim!Starla is now vampy, and would probably have hunted down the thief and ate him or her for dinner.
Starla: Young ones are always the tastiest.
As a side note, I get lots of pop ups about vampire Sim!Starla doing battle with the neighborhood Slayer, Sim!Mariah. Sim!Mariah ALWAYS loses, which is why everytime I see her, she's covered in soot and her hair is standing on end. Worst slayer ever.
And where did the vampires come from? I downloaded some Skiptons and dropped them into the hood. Thanks Mariah!
But the addition of the undead is not the only paranormal thing going on in my game. Sim!NKaty, who has three children and is expecting another, is having some problems of her own.
NKaty: I can't quite put my finger on it, but something seems a little off with the kids today.
Tabitha: Yeah, this is definitely a case of Eaxian possession, NKaty. See the extreme rigor mortis? That is a clear indicator.
NKaty: Can anything be done to save her?
Tabitha: I'll take her upstairs and perform an exorcism. It can be rather tricky so you best wait down here.
*Bangs the kid's head on the doorframe of the elevator as she gets in*
Tabitha: Oops. Sorry. Hehe.
Cole: Thanks Tabitha. Now, what do I do with this one?
I know what you shouldn't do.
NKaty: What's that?
Let the kid anywhere near a comput-
**CRASHES TO DESKTOP**
After recovering from a bad bout of Eaxian possession, I revisited the Byrds to discover Brad attempting to teach Aki to drive.
Brad: Please save me!
Aki: Oh, stop your whining, Dad. I missed that truck by a good two or three inches.
And after a couple of hours of nail-biting suspense, several pedestrians being carted off to the emergency room, and one bent stop sign, the powers that be in Volcano Cove gave Aki her driving certificate.
BJ: Daddy! Story!
Alba: You want a story, BJ? Alright then. Let me go get a book.
Alba: ...And then you take the tofu and stuff it into a chicken mold and then let it stay in the refrigerator for at least five hours.
BJ: Fake Chicken!
Fozzie: Hi ya Flat. What ya doing?
Flat: Percolating. I just ate five bowls of the hottest chicken chili imaginable. I should be able to rip some good ones in about half an hour. How about you?
Fozzie: Working on some more jokes! But unless my eyes deceive me, the Narrator should be looking over there!
I am wondering if I shouldn't have named the bear Lassie. What's wrong now, Lassie?
Fozzie: It looks like your plumbing problems are far from over.
The faucet is broken, the trash compactor is smoking, and the refrigerator is levitating. I'm thinking someone named Murphy must live in this house.
Back at the Byrd manse, a different sort of disaster is brewing.
Aki: Watch how a proper transition is done, losers!
Brad: Did my own daughter just call me a loser?
Alba: Don't worry about it, Dad. I think she was insulting me.
Tabitha: Honey, is this another of your tofu cakes?
Corbin: Tofu? Who the heck eats cake made out of tofu?
And because my skills as a Wrangler leave much to be desired, I realized that Akepa was due at the prom during her sister's party.
Akepa: Eep! The floor has turned to quicksand! I can't be late for my date with Brady! Help!
I pulled her out of the quicksand floor and she changed her clothes.
Sigh. So pretty! She ended up being the Prom Queen.
But back to the party...
Tabitha: If she doesn't hurry up, I'm going to leap over the table to get to that cake.
Moss: Oh my plumbob! I can't believe the Byrds roped me into attending another party.
Geobe: *laughing really loudly* Honey, don't blow the noisemaker so hard! The air you are shooting up my shirt tickles.
Gargantua: *Determined tooting* I have to make a lot of noise, hon, to cover up Sim!Grant and Sim!Amanda bickering in the foyer.
It was true. The two of them spent the entire party throwing minuses at one another.
Aki:You guys can just go suck it.
As a recap, Akikiki's traits are: photographer's eye, perceptive, athletic, computer whiz, and grumpy. Yeah, she rolled grumpy. It's like the game knows
Tell us, Aki. What do you want to do with your life?
Aki: I'm going to be an International Super-Spy. That way I can do all the mean things Mom won't do and it will all be legal.
Sergio Stormcaller: Tofu cake? This sucks. I'm out of here.
Aki: Watch it, kid. It's my party and I happen to like tofu cake.
The interesting thing about Geobe is that he has joined an organization dedicated to the slaying of the creatures of the night. You can always tell the loser by which one is wearing soot as a new fashion statement. It is almost like Volcano Cove has turned into a PvP zone!
Glyn Skipton: You watch your back, Geobe. I'll have more body points the next time we do battle.
Geobe: You'd have to wake up early in the morning to get the jump on me, leech. Oh, that's right. You can't be out in daylight. Sucks to be you.
Trash talk. Gotta love it.
Aki: The world had better watch out, because I am about to graduate! And then I can move out and marry Lawrence, and...
Yeah, you won't be moving out right away.
You've got to do a few things first.
Aki: *sighs* Oh well, at least I've got a cool piece of paper to put on my wall.
Cole: Hello Alba dear. I'm here for Aki's graduation.
Alba: Yeah. Er, Mom you are a little too late. It's already over.
And on that tardy note, we will close this chapter. Will Aki find a way to persuade me to let her out early? (Not bloodly likely. I've got some payback planned.) How will BJ turn out? And will I give in and let Cole and Brad have their 5 grandkids? Most importantly, will Alba perfect his Toficken recipe? You will have to join us next time to find out!
Until then, Happy Simming!