Welcome back to the Byrds, where grease is not considered a dirty word! Last time, Alba and Tabitha aged into elders, Buzz and Heather moved out and little Chewink was born. BJ had a bachelor party without any strippers, and Janna fulfilled her lifetime wish. The womrats are plotting, and Heather tried to frame Sim!Amanda for robbery, but was foiled by BlueJay the detective.
We begin this chapter by checking on Buzz. He and Heather had a long conversation about the insecurity that led her to try and frame Sim!Amanda. What do you think about it all, Buzz?
Buzz: I don't know. I love her more than my life. I don't think I've given her any reason to doubt me. I came out here for some quiet so I could think, but I haven't come up with any solutions.
Maybe it has nothing to do with you, Buzz. Maybe she worries that she's not good enough for you, and it makes her do these crazy things.
Buzz: Maybe, but then how can I fix it?
I don't think you can. Just keep showing her how much you love her, and hopefully she'll come around.
Buzz: You're right Handler. And I know just what I'm going to do next.
Buzz: I'm going to be happy and have lots of fun, and hopefully she'll join me.
Good plan! I'm certainly glad he's feeling better. Moping is just not in Buzz's nature.
Jared Secksie: Psst. BJ. Over here. Thanks for meeting me in the middle of nowhere man. I can't be too careful these days.
BJ: What's the problem?
Jared: I've dun got me a freaky stalker is the problem. I never see her directly, but I know she's been checking my mail, peeping in my windows, and rummaging through my garbage.
BJ: Shouldn't you just call the police?
Jared: No, that kind of publicity is the last thing I need. I'd rather take care of this all quiet like. I want you to find this chickie and make her stop!
BJ: Don't worry, Jared. I'll catch her. You've just hired the best in the business.
Tabitha: It's called *huff* exercise, Cole. You should *pant pant* try it sometime. It helps you keep your figure.
Cole: You could run from here to the planet Borax and it wouldn't help you none. You might as well give up and resign yourself to being frumpy, dumpy, and wrinkly.
Tabitha: Not on your life! I don't want to end up like you.
Old lady fights. Surprisingly, the two of them have never come to blows, choosing instead to fight with words. It's quite disappointing.
Another stakeout, BJ? Who are we spying on today?
BJ: No one. I've heard rumors that there is a pack of llamas that have showed up in town. I'm hoping to catch a glimpse if I stay real still and blend in with the scenery.
It wasn't long before BJ spied his target - this beautiful horse named Blossom.
BJ: Oh boy, oh boy! This llama allowed me to get close. If I can tame her, can I keep her?
No. We aren't ready for horses...er llamas yet.
BJ: Darn. I'm sorry Blossom honey, but the Handler won't let me take you home. But don't you worry. One day the Byrds will have llamas, I promise you!
You do know that she is a horse and not a llama, right?
BJ: Don't you try to fool me, Garg. I know a llama when I see one!
Buzz: Hey bro, nice looking llama you've got there.
Buzz: She's much nicer looking that the other creature I see in the park.
Oh. Yeah, I'd have to agree with you there.
Eric Northman: So sorry Master...won't fail again...please don't stake me...
Pathetic. Where's Geobe when you need a vampire staked?
Bittern is the only sim in the house that demonstrates an interest in more than just photography. None of them like to paint (of course), but when he rolled up the wish to sculpt I indulged him.
Bittern: I don't know how you managed to teleport this huge block of wood in the house so quickly, Handler, but thanks.
You're welcome. What are you going to sculpt?
Bittern: I'm thinking something that expresses the tides.
Should be interesting. We'll come back later.
Tabitha: Hey Brad. Notice anything different about me?
Ghost!Brad: Um, no, not really.
Tabitha: I've been working out, which means I am in much better shape than your wife. *wink* Wanna go watch the stars with me?
Brad: No thank you, I'm going to go flirt with my one true love instead.
Cole: *Who has supersonic hearing even over the roar of the miner* Why that hussy! When I get my hands on her...
I'm starting to think that Tabitha has a death wish. When she is a ghost and I no longer have control, things might get interesting.
Bravo Bittern! You sculpted an elephant. Roll Tide Roll! I definitely approve of your interpretation of the tides.
Sim!Polly: Still wearing that wedding dress to the clubs, Julie? And they call me crazy.
Sim!Julie: It's not crazy. It is as blatant a hint as I can give Emeril that he needs to do the right thing. I've given him two children for snout's sake. The least he can do is put a ring on it.
Polly: It ain't ever going to happen girlie. That man is made of pork fat and evil.
It's kind of sad the way Julie continues to pine after that cretin.
BJ: I don't know if Jared is going to like the news I have to give him, but I won't get paid if I don't complete the case. Let's hope he doesn't get violent.
BJ: So look Jared, there really isn't any reason for us to meet in the middle of nowhere. I've looked everywhere and there is no psycho stalker. It's all in your head.
Jared: I see. So you're saying that I'm nuts and that I'm stalking myself?
Jared: Well, that puts my mind at ease. Thanks for looking into this for me. Here's your payment.
Jared: Stalking myself? What does he take me for? I may have been born and raised in the styx of Twinbrook, but that don't mean I'm stupid. Come on George, let's go find that nasty stalker ourselves.
Well, it doesn't appear as though Jared will seek help, but at least he isn't violent. Then again, frammit! He isn't violent!
Thanks to Bittern, we've got the 'B' generation heir wall ready. Nice pedestals for their urns and everything. Thanks Bittern!
Brad: Oooga booga!
Kermit: That plant is nearly as green as my hair!
Brad: Aw shucks.
If you intend to start doing some actual haunting, Brad, I think you need to improve your technique.
Corbin Boudreaux: Oh crap. I recognize this place. I'm here for another wedding, aren't I?
You are indeed! Today BlueJay marries Janna! Finally!
Bittern: *eyes popping out of his head* Wow Janna. That's erm some dress. If I tilt my head a little I can almost see your -
Budgie: Bittern! Put your eyes back in your head.
BJ: Hehe, thanks Bittern. I wanted a wedding dress that would have just that kind of reaction.
BJ: Well, I certainly appreciate it, Cream Puff.
Janna: You'll enjoy it even more later. But first we need to get married.
BJ: Righto! Ok everyone, to your places. Now, now, now! Hurry up!
BJ: Is everyone seated yet?
Janna: Yes, but I think some people wanted to get some pictures, first.
Bittern: Hey Handler, you should really be taking some pictures of the wedding and all.
I know, I'm trying. Move your big head and even bigger thought bubble!
Janna: BJ, I promise to love and adore you and help you spread the message of Peace and Chicken Grease to infinity and beyond.
BJ: Janna, I will take you as my wife. I will love you all my life. I will have, and I will hold, just as I at this time told, I will love you all my life as I now take you for my wife.
Janna: *giggles* You've been reading Dr. Seuss.
As the Handler, I now pronounce you hitched!
BJ: About time! *insert smoochie noises*
BJ: Now for the best part of any wedding! The cake. Hand me the knife, apple dumpling. Let's dig in!
Janna: Here ya go, Sugar.
Cole: I always get a little teary at these events. My BJ is now all grown up. *sniffle*
Tabitha: Shut your pie hole, Cole. If anyone is going to emote at this wedding it's going to be me. He's my son after all. And just so you know, here's what I think of your tears. *BELCH*
Kermit: Walking away quietly....
Budgie: You shouldn't give up hope, Bittern. As they say, there are a lot of fish in the sea. Just because you don't have a girlfriend yet, doesn't mean you won't ever find the one.
Bittern: I know that. Do we have to talk about this now? I'd like to enjoy my tofu cake in peace, thank you very much.
BJ: It's not anything to be ashamed of, Bittern. It's a good thing to be picky. But when you do find that special one, I promise that you will be just as happy as I am on this very special day.
I somehow think BJ is about to give a very girlie sigh.
Kermit: I'm glad I've already found my one. If I were in your shoes, Bittern, I think I'd be miserable.
They did this autonomously. It took me by surprise since usually at weddings the couple is too busy to spend time together. But awwwww.
Tabitha: Don't worry, Bittern. We'll help you out.
Kermit: Beth? Hi, it's Kermit. Say, have you met my almost brother-in-law Bittern?
Cole: Yes, he is my grandson and a staunch supporter of Peace and Chicken Grease. Would that appeal to your granddaughter?
Bittern: Yeah, like that makes me feel so much better. I think this calls for another piece of cake.
And for some reason, Janna thought it would be a good idea to tell a horror story at her wedding reception.
Janna: And once the wife found out her husband had cheated on her, she ground him up in the sausage maker and fed him to the hogs.
BJ: That's disgusting, but I'm sure the husband deserved it for being unfaithful. But Janna, my Peach, why would you feel the need to tell that story at our reception?
Janna: Oh, no reason. No reason at all...
Janna: When's the taxi getting here, dear? I'm itching to crawl into the backseat with you and give the driver the show on the way to the airport.
BJ: Yes, we would like a taxi please. And tell the driver to speed.
Yes, I decreed a long time ago that heir couples get the honor of an actual honeymoon. Course, China was so laggy that I quickly regretted my decision. But like a trooper (read glutton for punishment), I forged ahead.
Janna: We're finally here! And while it is exceedingly beautiful and all, I'm finding the sparkling bulletin board to be a bit of a distraction.
BJ: Really? I think I know just how to take your mind off it.
BJ: So, I'm thinking I'd like us to have a girl first.
Janna: That's so funny because I was just thinking how wonderful it would be to have a boy.
BJ: So maybe we should just plan to have both then?
Janna: Works for me.
Janna: BJ, my love, it's the middle of the night. Why did you bring us all the way out here?
BJ: We can't spend our entire honeymoon in the bedroom, dear. This way we can honestly tell our folks that we saw the sights, even if we only peek at them for an few seconds.
Janna: I suppose that's reasonable, but you do know I'm hydrophobic, right? You understand that I'm deathly afraid of water?
BJ: Of course I am, Snickerdoodle. I know all there is to know about you. why?
Janna: *sighs* Oh, no reason, I guess.
The first sight BJ wanted to see was the one with miles and miles of waterways and plenty of pools. It's too early in the bloodline to start killing folks off (isn't it?), I thought, but it made me wonder about BJ's motives.
BJ: Well my dear, if you don't like this place, we can certainly go visit another. What would you like to do?
Janna: Let's go shopping.
BJ: Ok, but I'm not holding the purse.
Minion Merchant: Peace and Chicken Grease heirs, I salute you! I, Poo Tee, am here to serve you.
Janna: Thank you Poo Tee, but I'm really only here to make some cookies. Let's see, according to the directions I just dump ingredients into this hole...
Much to my disappointment she didn't blow anything up.
Janna: I must say, BJ, that the Minion from yesterday was most helpful.
Is it even possible to eat pancakes using chopsticks? I can't say I know from personal experience since I am too uncoordinated to use the utensils, but I would think that unless you cut the cake up into pieces, a pair of chopsticks won't be much help.
BJ: He was indeed, Sugar Lump. While you made cookies I recruited him to our mission. He has assured me he will spread the message here in China.
BJ: I suspect he is already doing much good already.
He must be if some of the other tourists are dreaming about fried chicken.
Once business was out of the way, the couple decided to get back to the main mission of a honeymoon.
Janna: Come on dear. I want to celebrate our union with the ritual observance of Peace and Chicken Grease. Think there is some grease in the kitchen we can use?
BJ: Don't worry about that, sweetheart. I made sure to pack some before we left. Give me a second to strip and I'll be good to go.
Later that night as the newlywed couple settled down to sleep...
Minion Chinese Paparazzi: I am a ninja. I am stealth. I am secrecy. They cannot hear me. They cannot see me.
Minion Chinese Ninja Paparazzi: They cannot hear the click of my camera. Oh my Plumbob, these pictures are going to make me famous.
It was kind of creepy the way she stayed in their room for hours clicking pictures. And they never woke up. *shudders*
But the happy couple soon returned to Volcano Cove with an inventory full of stuff they probably didn't need. One thing in particular needed more work than the others.
Janna: Here you are little cardinal. This is your new home.
Minion Pet Cardinal: *tweet*
Janna: We will do our best to care for you, little guy. All you need to remember is to stay away from the womrats, and ignore the Handler when she calls you an experiment. Alright?>
So, I figured it was time for a bird experiment. I intend to see how long the Byrds can keep an actual bird alive. I've read about glitches that make them die really fast, and that they are hard to take care of.
Cole: What is this little thing?
That doesn't bode well for the little guy, does it? Anyway, since I don't want to get too attached (because how pathetic would crying over a dead pixelated bird be?), he is just known as Cardinal. We'll see how long he can survive.
This unfortunate creature is Michela. She is the progeny of Sim!Elissa and Eric Northman and is currently the town brat.
Michela: So what if I am the brat? You gonna make something of it, Handler?
Heck no. I daresay your Mom will be proud.
Bittern: Do you guys hear that chirping noise outside?
BJ: Sure do. Janna brought back a strange creature from China. I'm not sure what it is, but I do know it isn't a womrat or a llama.
Budgie: How do you know that, BJ?
BJ: I've seen a llama, and that creature is too small to be one. And if it were a womrat it would be plotting to take over the world, and Cardinal hasn't shown any signs of that.
Budgie: Well, according to this book a Cardinal is one of a type of flying creature called a bird.
Tabitha: Don't be silly Budgie. We're Byrds and we don't have wings.
Budgie: I'm just telling you what the book says. 'Course the book also says there is a special kind of llama that can be recognized by a horn in the middle of its head. *shrug*
BJ: I don't care what it is. It makes Janna happy, so I'm happy.
Kermit: Maybe it is called a byrd because it's supposed to live with us?
Hey! No collecting byrds...er birds... until after the test run.
Janna: Hello in there little nooboo.
Cardinal wasn't the only thing Janna brought back from China. Finally! The 'C' generation! Whoop!
Alba: Are you sure it's a nooboo and not an alien seed pod planted in her womb with science?
Pleased with my explanation, Alba went to bed that night and started dreaming of baby bottles. Who else thinks the 'C' generation is going to be spoiled rotten? *raises hand*
This is the first time I've ever noticed that there is a freezer bunny in my laundry.
Bittern: How do you think they squeeze something that big through something so small?
Budgie: Lots and lots of pressure. And you'd best hope your fingers don't get in the way.
Kermit: Seems like a lot of work to me.
What are you guys watching? A video on natural childbirth?
Budgie: No! We're learning how to make pasta, thank you very much.
Oh, well that's OK then.
BJ: My keen detective sense is telling me that is not a picture of a llama.
We must be making progress then.
But speaking of dogs, Aki and her brood have just adopted this cute little puppy named Roxy. You all may squee now, and I promise your secret is safe with me.
BJ: Hey there, Poison Ivy. I came as soon as I called. You have a case for me?
Poison Ivy Chimeree: You bet I do. That no good skank Kristen Priushorn-Fizzle is bribing the refs or something because there is no way you can have that many bad calls in one game. I know she's up to something, and her criminal behavior might cost my team the championship. You have to stop her, BJ. You're my only hope!
So after watching the tapes himself, he agreed with Poison Ivy. He decided the only way to catch her in the act was to conduct a stakeout...
Kristen: I can see you there, BJ.
BJ: ...No you don't. I'm a piece of foliage.
Kristen: A talking plant? I don't think so. I'm outta here.
So she ran off and we didn't get the evidence we needed. But BJ is nothing if not persistent. He continued his stakeout...
Kristen: Did you bring the money?
Minion Ref: Sure did. But isn't that BJ Byrd pretending to hide in the bushes over there? If so, I should really get a picture for my celebrity album.
Kristen: What? Where? No, I don't think it could be him. I caught him earlier trying to spy on me. I doubt he is stupid enough to try the same stunt twice.
BJ: *chuckles to himself* Little does she know...I am that stupid...er, wait...
After gathering the evidence he needed, BJ jumped into the Chicken Mobile...
...and drove very slowly and carefully without disobeying a single traffic law to Kristen's home to confront her. Ironically enough she was standing at her mailbox, and had been for awhile as if she were waiting for him to arrive. Must be Cole's influence on the criminal population. Now they want to get caught.
BJ: You've been caught red-handed, Kristen. Shame on you for fixing the sports games. I demand you turn yourself into the police at once.
Kristen: BJ, I'm so totally surprised to see you here, even though I've been standing here for hours waiting for your chicken mobile to cross town. How on earth did you figure out I was the criminal?
BJ: Easy babe. A stakeout.
Kristen: Frammit! I so totally did not see you there even though you were in plain sight! Alright, I surrender. I will turn myself into the police.
With the case solved, BJ reported back to Poison Ivy.
Poison Ivy: ARRRGGGH! That skank! I'm going to kill her!
BJ: Well, when you do, rest assured I'll catch you because I am... The Byrd Private Eye.
Can we call you ByrPee for short?
Ahh well. And that is all we have for this exciting chapter of the Byrd legacy. Will we EVER reach that 35 case goal? *cries* Will Buzz and Heather work things out? Will Bittern ever find that special someone? And will Cardinal survive? Tune in next time where we meet the 'C' heir! Until then, Happy Simming!